"ugh"
the tone in our talking to them.
sort of inexplicable,
it feels completely unavoidable.

first person i ever wished was a friend
but realized would never be anything other
than something to rebel against.

moms i love yous
your pain always a reminder that i have to be strong enough
to keep myself alive,

maybe that's why the resentment towards you,
when in my lowests i wanted to give up on all
you forced me to continue existing.

i still feel like a child or a teenager around you.
i have to battle the instincts to be mean to you,
as if you deserved it.

i break my own heart when i break yours,
but i can't help it.