It hurts, it all hurts. My past drives a stake through my being, my present makes me fear my past and my future scares the absolute **** out of me. I live in fear..

How do I resolve this, where do I find the power, the strength to hold on.. Sometimes I just can’t, this weakness it hurts me, makes me feel less of a man.

I walk in a shadow, the shadow of a man beaten, desperate to find a way out of this eternal misery.

But how? I’m shown love, I’m shown forbearance, I’m given the freedom to be the man I want to be.  Yet I still don’t see it, don’t see why others see something in me that I don’t. Is it really there?

At times I believe it, I hold it close but the demon in side me says no. NO you are not this person. You are a person who’s being is wrong, who’s existence is nothing but a pain to others.

I desperately try to allow my being  to unfold  yet I know; like a dagger through the heart I am wrong, evil an nasty piece of work.

But why???