I try to tell myself everything I do is not for you My life it revolves The sun the stars the moon I stand before the mirror trying to see myself clearer Tears morph my body’s shape Blurred like spilled paint I whisper, “I hate you” as I stare at my face I can’t breathe, so faster I try Lightheaded vision, gagging, wanting to die But the most I do is cry.
I drift lonely, lonely for you You’re my depression, you’re my muse Self hatred claims my compass, So I follow it into the forest And loathe your loving, It infects me like fungus Now I’m lost and scared Inside my brain, you inject your lethal stain I follow you on your path of wonder till I collapse Exhaustion, pain, death, relapse
I idolize you and your flaws How you seem so free While around me forms a mist of misery A clouded conscious with what I made you my life Now I hate everything that I am, And nothing’s right Unmotivated, unsure I allow you to engulf me; careless for a cure I know what I’m doing but I don’t know who I am Still on my knees I pray to you, The blood slain of my own lamb. My addiction to your presence has forced me to beg for more I don’t know why I can’t end this war.