When my eyes are closed
The world is beautiful
Suspended in the ethereal sound
Of my own mind working like
A ticking clock
There is music in here
It reminds me of a simpler time
Of green grass and the summer wind
Laughter and peaches
The sticky remains wetting my lips
Almost like a kiss
Or maybe
The kiss is what lingered there
Reminding me of the peaches instead
The first laugh
And the second
And the third
When I turn my sight from the present
I can remember clearly
Dancing in noiseless basements
Lying on the asphalt of an abandoned driveway
Entertaining the stars with our talks
Discussions of the world and our dreams
Of theories and beliefs and imaginings
I can feel the bravery
And the fear
The shivering rush of you
Making my spine quiver
Oh I remember
My heart has never raced so hard
My blood was never so warm
I experienced you less like a first love
And more like a thunderstorm
In awe and terrified all at once
I've never missed fear before
I fell in love with you
The way the angels fell from heaven
It felt like revival
Like coming home
Loving you felt like drowning
And flying all at once
The touch of your hand strengthened me
The loss of it shattered me
You were an earthquake
A beautiful disaster
The first truly lovely thing
And the last truly devastating
I loved you with urgency of a monsoon
With the power of a raging flood
With the mercy of the blooms in spring
And the honesty of fresh fallen snow
I grieved you when you left
I'd never felt a pain so sharp
A despair so intense
Mourning the loss of you
Was a darkness on my heart
An island of anxious thoughts
Endless nights and wary eyes
My cheeks were chapped and raw
Months were spent in silence
I couldn't speak your name
But I could scream it
And I did
I'd never begged before
But my god I begged for you
I bled myself dry for the stars
Hoping for a glimpse
Willing your face to appear
At the bottom of those stairs and then
It didn't
That hole was never filled
That place never taken
Thunderstorms crumbled to dust
The stars faded in the city light
And rain felt like muddy pant legs
Nothing was beautiful or true
I found solace in the arms of strangers
I became a stranger myself
In the end I found myself missing you anyway
Though the person I am doesn't know you
And the person I was is gone
My soul recognizes those eyes
And it will never let you go