where it starts 1. your girlfriend will have a miscarriage for the second time and you, you'll start using needles THERE WILL BE NO DIRECT CORRELATION BETWEEN THESE TWO THINGS but you tell yourself a daughter is what would make life worth living and subsequently what it takes to get you sober
2. you lose your job because you're always in the bathroom missing veins loss of job will inevitably spiral into an "intolerable depression" or "extended sadness" or "whatever version of this is easiest to swallow"
3. you get to spend every holiday from your birthday until The Day She Dies sitting next to your mother's hospital bed (except for when you're always in the bathroom, missing veiins)
LATER your sister reassures you that mom didn't know the way you also choked back guilt with all the bile and unpleasant things in your trips to the restroom but for now you will hate yourself hate the sticky needles and hate the way your girlfriend leaves all her ghosts behind when she leaves you
4. you find that bathroom floors are your new home splayed out after your 8th overdose jail cells are just a normal tuesday and you keep waking up to razor blades left neatly on your pillow
where it ends
5. giving up ****** is like pulling teeth messy and painful but typically necessary and so hard to do alone