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Jul 2018
Emotions change constantly.
I experience a wave of the new.
From happy, sad, anger.

At least that's what i thought.

I saw them, these disparate faces.
All trying to claim my personality.
I thought and tried to protect it.
But really it's a sin.

A sin to be because it obliterates the self
myself.
And such a sin
imperils reality itself.

So i let go of the personality.
Finally to lay bare whats free.
Because in the truth i'm not a disposition.
I am just being.

Confused in a social box of response.
In feeling these untruths.
Which are promoted as rectitude.
But they are just emotions, nothing more.

These emotions are not me.
The personality is nothing as well.
NO- THING
It hurts when you first realize that.
But then you see that the hurt is fake
as well.

So inner demons exist.
But they always shatter too.
It's all a jumbled mess.
So to escape the mind brings me harmony.

And with that i decamp.
Then openly i may find peace.
Because a constantly moving
mind can drive you nuts.

It's like a prison, as
the mind continues to create.
With no bounds or limitations
but the penitentiary is really only
there when the personality exists.

But is letting go of personality
Crazy? As you become what they call "weird"
to let go and be who you
really are requires courage.

"civilization" creating personality so let it go.
and to let go of that.
Is to let of the false fellowship.
So is it worth it?

I think yes.
To save yourself and to get rid
of social and mental dis-ease.
You have to let go.

I have to be free.
Free from the box of emotes presented.
as that i can feel it all.
And who i am.

To express to be open.
To those in society this is wacko.
But it doesn't matter.
Because they are all trapped in  temperament.

I am moving to be free from.
the curse.
The same curse i mentioned earlier.
which kills you through rationalization.

So I've seen and accepted
the faces.
I met them face to face
ear to ear.

I heard them in person.
and i saw who they wanted me.
to be.
I saw what they wanted others to see.

But i'm not doing that.
Imma be  me.
I'm not doing that.
Imma be me.

To be me is to accept it all.
I accepted the past.
I accepted the now and future
and let go of it all.

I was ready to experience truth
to see the authenticity of everything.
To lie in authenticity
and to be alone.

To not be alone in thoughts.
To not be together with others in
public.
But to be alone outside of that trip.

There are many ways to go
and the way is around thee.
In the whirlwind that encapsulates the soul.
So i can let it go.

Confusing eh?

Being awake for the first time in life
Moving on around the inner light.
The inner openings of strife/sacrifice
and seeing that the light is not inner or out.

Instead it's beyond and together.

And finally i made it to that point.
Where the mind is gone and soul too.
So that u could touch what is wise,
open, and true.

I can feel it all
and be me.
Not tainted by the falseness
of society's fake emotions.

Instead, feeling them in their truth
seeing their vulnerable nature
and truly connecting and discerning
not going and becoming.

Instead just being
be to be
see to see
me to me.

And finally, i can whisper its name.
Not fortitude's essence and flavor.
I can live not brilliantly or in mediocrity
I can be to be.

And it's crazy.
be to be
that is crazy
but it's truth
and it's really free.
"Be to be"
Kalen Doleman
Written by
Kalen Doleman  22/M/Asheville, North Carolina
(22/M/Asheville, North Carolina)   
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