Oh Darling, It kills me inside to see you so sad You are so young You are so beautiful I won't be the kind of person who tells you that you are too young to be so sad Depression doesn't care about age Depression doesn't care about race Depression doesn't care that you have a plate full of problems already Depression is a sneaky ******* Depression has a way of reaching into your personal outer space and wrap it's arms so tightly around your neck as it forces you down into the deepest part of the ocean It lets you go every once in awhile but as soon as you are so close to reaching the surface to finally catch your breath it comes back up and down you go again I'm sure somewhere in your heart you know that you are beautiful You know that you are strong You know that you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to However, depression doesn't let us see our beauty It doesn't let us feel our strength Depression takes away our ability to get through the hell it unleashes onto us I spent seven years slicing up my arms in the hopes that my sadness would leak out of me I spent months starving myself as a way to make up for the beauty depression took from me I spent so many nights envisioning suicide and attempting not once not twice but three times because I was so tired of feeling sad I was so tired of being sore not just on the inside but on the outside I was tired of feeling like I was constantly drowning Someone once told me I was too young to be sad I laughed in anger because how dare that person tell me that How dare that person make me feel like I was being ridiculous for feeling how I felt Do you think I enjoyed making myself bleed? Do you think I enjoyed being hungry? Do you think I enjoyed feeling tired because I was fighting a battle that no one else could fight but me I know that when you cry yourself to sleep at night you wish you could just fall asleep in peace I know that when you take those pills you don't really want to take them but you are running out of options on how to make your unhappiness go away They say it's the people around you It's the things that you watch It's the things that you read that make you so sad The only people who tell you that are people who have never ever experienced true depression I haven't cut myself in three years That doesn't mean that when depression pays me a visit I don't wish that I could lean on a razor to feel better I am not here to tell you what to do or what not to do I am here to let you know that I understand what it's like to feel the way that you do I understand what it's like to be where you are right now I know what it is like to just want to die because you are tired of fighting I also know now that there is a light at the end of this dark and what feels like an endless tunnel I know that if you keep fighting you will get through this sadness I'm not saying the sadness will go away because it won't I'm twenty three years old and that sadness I felt as a teenager still lingers behind me each and every day I learned to reach inside myself and use my sadness as a weapon to kick depression's *** It's exhausting each and every day It was devastating to learn that I will be fighting this battle for the rest of my life I have two options every morning when I wake up I can choose to fight or choose to give up Oh Darling It kills me inside to see you so sad You are so young You are so beautiful I won't be the kind of person who tells you that you are too young to be so sad I will be the person that loves you and shows you that there is life beyond this ugly thing called depression
If you ever need someone to talk to: 24-hour Hotline. National Suicide Prevention Helpline. 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders WRITTEN ON: January. 8, 2016 Friday 11:19 PM