Chameleon

Chameleon 16h

Apple

They say,
she’s a good girl.
Girls like that don’t just
grow on trees
but once they’ve
taken enough bites
they leave.

I wish I was the shiniest
Apple on the highest branch,
soaking up all of the sunshine,
bright red and juicy
enough for one man
to finally pick
and take home
instead of leaving me
to rot on the ground
in the shade.
At least the worms like me.

Chameleon 21h

Humiliated

I am so embarrassed.
I got blackout drunk
the other night
and told him
I love him.
He didn’t say it back.

I want to crawl into
a hole and
never see him again.
It is humiliating
in so many ways.
I do not ever say how
I really feel out of fear
of rejection
and that’s what I got.
Not to mention I don’t know
what else I said because I
have no memory
after looking at his sketch books.

I don’t know what to do
because he is being distant now
and I want to die

Chameleon May 3

He is so good

He takes the time
to tell me I look good,
and can’t keep his hands
off me when we’re
on the couch.
He thanks me for
spending time with him
and calls me
pretty lady.
When I’m upset
he asks what he can do
to help
and says we will
figure it out together.
And then today he called
me babe for the first time.
He tells me he misses me
even after we just saw each other
and remembers
everything I say.

Is this what gentle
love feels like?
Or is that just what
Love feels like.
To be seen, heard and wanted.

We haven’t said
I love you yet but
I can feel it.

Chameleon Apr 10

I hope

I wonder if his
clothes will ever
be mixed in with mine.
In a basket fresh from
the dryer,
slowly gone through
and folded.
I can imagine
putting them away in
the dresser in his room,
and then hanging mine
in the closet.

I would take one of
his shirts out of the drawer
and put it on.
Go downstairs to
see him smile and
then kiss me while
he makes dinner.
In the house we live
in together.

Chameleon Apr 4

Cricket

The sound of crickets
reminds me of him.
I wonder if I’ll ever be
able to step foot outside
just before dark,
when the sun is still
barely lighting
the sky,
without getting that
feeling.

It sounds like when
things were good.
We always did well
together when it was warm.
Maybe we would have
made it if it
could be
summer forever.

Chameleon Apr 2

Necklace

I gave him a necklace
that looks just like
the one I always wear.
I wanted to give him
something that would
remind him of me.

When I gave it to him
he put it on right away,
as I bashfully tried to
make a joke.
He said,
“Come here”
and kissed me.

He hasn’t taken it off since.

Chameleon Mar 24

I like him

I like knocking
on the door,
waiting for him to
open it
and say hi pretty lady
before he kisses me.
I like how the colors of
his clothes never really
match
but somehow it works.
I like the nervous way
he asks me to tell him
about my day
as he packs a bowl.
I like how he wants
to do things I shouldn’t
say out loud
and compliments me
the whole time.
I like how after we
just scroll on our phones
and tell each other stories
the other has never heard.
And how he tells me I can
come over whenever
I want to, as I’m at the door
to leave.
I like him.
And us.