You were my new disaster and in the end it led to my broken laughter.I tried to fix the pain But I had already gone insane

I love how my eyes
Simply did not  see you.

I know I'll be okay,
As long as your **Mine

That **** razor
Which I adored has
******* me over.

God gave you some beautiful lips


(That we're meant for mine)

Let's just say
It's not only
My heart that
Misses you.

You're right
You're the reason
I didn't **** myself
As a 18th birthday gift
To myself

But never forget
You're the reason
I'm here now
Crying
Waiting
For you to still just be
The best friend
You promised you would
Always be

I have known you
Approximately 2,555 days of my life

Each day spent knowing you
Was like watching a rainbow

It was created from sun and rain
Beauty and coldness

For every day that I knew you

I have cared

I have wanted you to smile

For the 2,555 days of my life
That I spent knowing your name
And your sparkling eyes

I have thought of you

Never a day has or will pass
That I will not think of you.

The knowledge of your completion
Completed me.

I don't tell anyone
But I still miss you
Out of no where
I wish you were holding me
I miss you
More than my broken heart
Can ever fathom
I miss you
But you are gone
We are done
You have left me.

We met to kiss
And all we've done is talk
We're dancing around
The reason we're here
We're avoiding the
Awkwardness and
I don't quite know
What I love most
The anticipation
Of your wonderful kiss
Or the giddy thudding
In my chest that we're
*Talking.

I miss him
Almost as much
As I miss smiling

I miss him
I need his hug
His friendship

I miss him
Because honestly
No matter how bad he hurts me
I will always love him.

Your so well trained
At seeing me
Accepting me
It's been years
And though
Your shame was once
Obvious it has now vanished
And the only shame I feel
Is from myself
Each time I look in the mirror
And how it breaks the happiness
That you've molded
I will never change
And I fear
I shall never accept who I am
But I survive now
Knowing you do.

Your shirtless today
All day
And
I
Can't
Help
But
Smile
In
Complete
Disbelief.

My heart and body
Are being torn apart

Do I want love
Or love making

I cannot have both

Not from the one I love.

Inside
I feel
An
Ache
And
I
Wish
It'd
Leave

It's hard to believe
All we've
Been through
To get
*Here.

I bury the memories
Tell myself
The love faded long ago
Fight the shaking
Deny the flutter in my chest
And make sure
To Ignore the thoughts
But memories
Break through the cracks
My hands still tremble
My heart still skips a beat
And the thoughts emerge again
And I'm left
With a false hope
To go back and
Fix the things that went wrong
My shattered heart
Thinks it wants you
But I can't do it
This game is over
Even if we're not
Done playing
I can't forget
But I need
A replacement
For you.

Your stronger than this
But your not
It was all his game
But it felt like you were winning
You can't hold on
But you don't know how to let go
You can't believe
But that's all you've done
You need to bury the memories
You already dug them up
You can just ignore him
But you don't want to
You hate him*
But you love him more

One Crack,
One seem and everything crumbles,
Behind the crack everything has fallen,
Pieces are collapsing,
Soon something sturdy will be dust,
Something that kept you safe will hurt you,
Things fall apart,
Life leaves only the dust,
Reminders of the losses are everywhere,
The world won't let you forget,
You must carry the pain,
And you must let strength find you,
One day after the cracks have crumbled
And the safety has faded
You will find strength

Or it will find you.

There you are across that street,
Somewhere in that building,
You will never cross that street to look for me,
And I can't cross that street and find you,
I'm too scared,
Scared of what you'll think of me,
In some ways we've changed and in some ways were exactly the same,
But I'm scared to see you because I'm scared you'll ignore me,
I'm afraid that if you see me all the love you used to have for me will be completely gone,
My heart it races at just the thought of seeing you,
Because I know simple words from your mouth to my ears can make me or break me.

It's a battle
We always fight
Because when
Sorrow
Enters
Even for a mere moment
We race back
To our blades
Our pins and knives
We crave it
The urges so hard to resist
We'll suffer the rest
Of our lives
Fighting
To say
I'm stronger
Than a cut
Better than a burn
And yet
Our scars are proof
Of failures
Weakness
Our battle is never over
We fight each time
We're upset
Each argument
Each tear
Each moment of negativity
We battle
And I just hope
I am
Stronger
Than the pain.

Addiction is a hard thing to overcome

Especially when it's a person

When the waves of nostalgia wash over me

I can't help but let out a sigh of relief

I relish in the past

In the things I can only scarcely remember

And yet that meant so much to me once

I don't know if it's chemical or I'm just insane

But I still have to peel myself away from those memories

Stop myself from reaching out

Because there's no turning back from the next hit and I refuse to start again

I refuse to let myself be broken by another person again.

I can't give up
Because for too many years
I've held on
Because despite the differences
In your arms
I smile
My heart beats so hard
I laugh
And I'm nervous
With you I feel understood
Your love supplies this body of mine
I lied dead inside for so long
That this life inhabiting me is
Spectacular
And I don't want you to go
Because though you imagine
A future
I dream of it
Lucid never ending dreams
And I want desperately
For them to be our reality
The world can never understand us
But we understand each other
I love you
And that fact has remained
I never gave up
I just buried it all
But I already dug up the memories
Brought back joyful ones for us to share
I can't expect this to be forever
But I can dream.

You and I
Wander off
Into adventure time
Roaming the streets
Pointing at things
We like
Our hands laced
Smiles spread
Across our face
Here we are
Somewhere
Yet nowhere
Feeling so
Free
Just you
Just me
Roaming
The world
For always
And
Eternity.