I want to be her shadow
you looked at her like
she was God's masterpiece
I want to be her shadow
you said her laugh
was melodic
I want to be her shadow
you said she had lips
that you couldn't help but kiss
I want to be her shadow
you love her
I want to be her shadow
you want her
I want to be her shadow
you need her
I need to be her shadow

maybe if I was funnier
he wouldn't have left
maybe if I was prettier
he would've been happy
maybe if I dressed better
he would've needed me
maybe if I was smarter
he would've wanted me
maybe if I was graceful
he would've been proud of me
maybe if I loved him more
he would've loved me

I can right now
jump in front
of a car
and end my life
and I'll stop
existing
it'll take me
from getting
out of this house
to going out into
the busy street
to never exist again
and I'm ******* scared
I'm so ******* scared
because I don't know
what will be after
and I don't want
to be nothing
after I tried so hard
to be something


-k.s

my eyes burn at the sight of the sun
I was stupid to think something
full of light could never hurt me
I was stupid to think some one
like you would never hurt me

I once thought
eternity was written
across your lips
but really it was
temporary
that was whispered
in every kiss
your words
were loaded guns
and I'm sorry I
had to pull the trigger
if she has the audacity
to try to
love you more than I did
remember to tell her
that she won't ever be able too
our love and the butterflies in
my stomach have perished in the
same fire that they once flourished in
and now I'm burning too
your hands that carried the baby
that now gives me life
will now reach for her
and I think I'm going be sick
I'm going to be sick
the venom is spitting out
of the same mouths that
once sang I love you every day
you thought you had chains
pressing into your wrist
when really the chains
had already been broken
and thrown away
we are both the victims and
aggressors of this tragedy
and no up stander can save us
it wasn't you and it wasn't me
it was every bumpy road that
could never be smoothed over
I am sorry i could never save us
I am sorry we never worked out
I am sorry we even tried
I am sorry I loved you
I am sorry I was the wall
dividing you from happiness
I am sorry I was the wall dividing
you from her
I am so sorry I thought
this was forever
I'm so sorry
                       -k.s

////March 20 2014 /////
Fainting spells
are more common
when I'm trying
to memorize how
****** got into power
Sighing is more
common
when I'm trying
to learn the
art of polynomials
crying is more
common when I have
two tests tomorrow
and I still need
to start that essay
that was given
yesterday
madness is when
I have to understand
that my sadness
is a genetic disposition
I could never control
Disappointment is more
common when I have
to yet again cancel
the plans I made
with my friends
But still
even
after a week of doing
this ****
the only thing
I learned
is that knowledge
isn't found in
a textbook
and a power point
presentation

you smelt of cigarette smoke too often
and you asked me what I believed in
I said I believe in the way
my knees shake when they hear your voice
I believe in the way babies cry
when they see life for the first time
I believe in the way the sun
always rises in the morning
and sets in the evening
I believe in the way
my stomach becomes
so twisted and tangled
when your eyes entwine
like ropes with mine
I believe in the way
soldiers are sometimes
at war with their own mind
I believe in the way my head
starts becoming dizzy when
you talk for a long time
I believe in sons and daughters
finding their mothers and fathers
in graves they've never seen  before
I believe in the art
of leaving
and
moving pain
for the night to come so it can
hit you in the morning  
I believe in my bones shivering
to hear your name again
I believe in the type of love that hurts
                                                        bre­aks
and                                                 bruises
everything you thought you needed
I believe in the stars and
how they just are
you smelt of cigarette smoke too often
and you asked me what I believed in  
I wasn't lying when I said you
                             -(k.s)