Every moment of Silence
     is a pent up scream of
              anguish and pain.

To the world I didn't made sense


I didn't made sense
when I'm awake and the world was asleep

I didn't made sense
When I wrote endless scribbles

I didn't made sense
When I was standing outside when it was pouring.

I didn't made sense
When I laugh when it hurts the most

I didn't made sense
When I smiled, even when Im sad


Yes I didn't made any sense doing all of those but I dont need the world to understand me. I just need only one.

There I lay in the middle of a room with 4 walls and a light staring straight right at me. Glaring like it want to say something but there was no sound. Then I laugh, its funny because even for a second there I really thought that , the light would tell me something. After a while I can hear a familiar sound, It was rain hitting the roof. Again it felt like it was saying something and yet again I started to laugh for there was no voice and i'm fooling myself how could rain tell me something. For hours I never stop staring at the ceiling with a blank thought, not even thinking of anything. Then I realized its dark, I'm pretty sure the light was on a little while back and no one had entered the room to turn it off. In my mind i'm sure its a blackout but i'm comfortable to where I lay. I didn't bothered to check. Now I'm staring at ceiling again but there was no light. The light that has been glaring at me  earlier.  It was pitch black. The darkness seemed to be telling me something yet in my head. Is still blank state. Then there was silence the rain have stop. It was so silent that I can hear my heart beating and even my breathing. The silence was absolutely deafening. I was scared I don't know why, as I feel the room getting and getting smaller in the darkness. The silence starts to hurt. I'm getting flash backs of my past, all of those memories sink in,  in a flash. Now i'm truly scared. I tried to move but my body wont. I tried to scream but theres only whispers coming out my lips. The silence I was experiencing was truly different and the darkness was a new. Then I heard it. Loud and clear. It struck me and then I realized. What was the message. Then a lighting flashed, then the lights turned on. Thunders roared then it broke the silence. I just immediately stood up. Look at the clock, it was already 3 am, Then I said to myself what a good day to LIVE.

Anu ba ang pandemya?
ito ba ay parang hawla
na lahat tayo ay naka kubli
naka kulong sa apat na sulok
na wala na magawa
kung hindi naka totok telepono
naka tingin sa telebisyon
na araw araw di nag nagbabago!
nagbabago ang balita
na ang maralita ,
maralita lng ang nabubuhay ng normal?
pero hindi lahat tayo ay tinamaan
ibat ibang kwento
ibat ibang karasanan.

Nawalan ng trabaho
Nalugi ang negosyo
Naiwan ng mga minamahal
at wala namang maayus na tugon
walang kasiguraduhan
kung meron mag babago
sa mga bukas na haharapin
sapagkat tayo ay naging alipin
naging lumpo, tayo dahil sa pademya
lahat bay randam na?
ang pahirap at pasakit

Ramdam ko at ramdam nyu
ang malaking pagbabago
tinatawag nilang bagong normal.
bagong normal na di natin ginusto,
pero wala na tayong magagawa
andito na to.

Kaibigan , kapatid
sana tayo ay di sumuko
alam ko mahirap
pero tayo ay mag sumikap
tayo ay tumulong.
tayo mag kaisa
para ating boses ay umugong
Isigaw ng sabay sabay
na ngayun pandemya tayo
ay pantay pantay
lahat tayo ay may maitutulong
maliit man o malaki.
patuloy sa pagdarasal
na sa huli
tayong Pilipino parin ang magbunyi

I'm Nyctophilia Don't get me wrong its not what you think. Darkness is one those thing that people tend to avoid. Yes its easy to be scared when you don't know what lies ahead. I'm afraid of the dark when I was young simply because I couldn't see anything but when I tried to focus my eyes I saw the silhouette of whats in it. It might night be as clear as what light can bring but it the same thing. The trees, houses, and the other things. Then I realize how good darkness is. In a dark night you could see far greater things than what you could see in the light of the morning.  Though Darkness is always portrayed as the worst time of our lives, Lets not forget that in those times we learned the best lesson life can bring. Its like our future we don't know what it brings or what could happen. What we are in control is the current time the Present. Yet like darkness its the same we are in control if are going to be scared to not. Face darkness until it becomes your friend. Remember in the morning you can only see the sun but in the night you can see countless stars with the bonus view of the moon and if your lucky there is also a shooting star in store for you.

The demons within me is far from scary.
Those demons are locked up so deep
that no man can dig them out.
Shackled, *******.

I’m not afraid of death.
I stared death through the eyes of the reaper.
The demons that I hide is something no one should meet.
Those demons might be bound by chain.
but I still hold the key.
It might be wrong to release my demons
but Its not right to cross me.

Tic Toc Tic Toc
The clock is always winding up
Waiting for me to make a mistake
Even when I have nothing at stake
For I have gambled  
everything in Love
So when I lose
I only lose myself
In this world
Thats on the mercy
Of a clock.

Darkness my old friend
I write to you again
Thank you for hiding the truth
The tears and the bruise

I'm in pain again right now
Pls save me somehow
Cause I'm tired of all the things
That should make me glad
It's the opposite I say
They are the ones who makes me sad.

Too bad you can't hide the noise
I badly want to scream
I don't know how much I can take
Pls bring me with you
Before I wake.

I'm thinking ill again
But there's nothing more to gain
This might be the end
My last letter to you.
So Again take me with you!

You were broken
   I was too
and I took my time listening to you
for I thought it would help me too

   we shared our thoughts
   and talked about it

Wrote a poem of the beauty of your chaos
the undying strength of your resolve

         time flew by
         as days has passed

                    we talked about the moon
                    with coffee in hand

months have past and we were going strong
even though there's no label on what we are

but one day you just disappeared
without a trace

              I was left searchin
              for you and the feeling of you

Few months again
I received a poem and
I know its you

        was devastated for I cant reply
        for the stranger also left
        without a sound
        just the poem
        saying goodbye.

Stop talking
Cause I'm falling
Ever deeper in love
And it ****** hurts

It hurts cause I know it will never will be.

There will never be a you and me.

It hurts cause when I sleep you will always be a part of my dream.

A beautiful dream but when I wake up it will be a nightmare cause again it will never will be.

It hurts cause no matter how I try to run away, just one call from you and I'd be there in a heartbeat.

It hurts cause I'm shackled by your smile, your stare, and your laughs.

It hurts cause when your hurt you run to me and I cant do a thing.

It hurts cause I know you dont have a clue.

It hurts that you already found your love and I'm the reason why you stayed in love.

It hurts cause now you ask me how to love him more.

It hurts cause I answer the question.

It hurts cause we've met but we were not meant to be.

It hurts
It hurts
It hurts

Dreams are illusions
for all of us.

Its not real it all made up
in our mind, even in our heart
but for only this day
take a step
take risk
for all of us may have a dreamt
something impossible
man always dreamed
of something we thought
impossible to be achieved
yet today
we are flying
and have set foot on the moon
and we are not stopping there.

Dreams are only illusions
if we dont take steps.
if  we dont risk it.
if we forget about it.

For years im always at awe.
With your writings.
For years I have been a big fan of you.
You have that special touch with every verses you write.
And I couldnt say no more.
You encourage me to write.
And I have written
Allot of stories but more of you.
I dont know why but I have kept searchin for your poems.
The day you have deleted or maybe blocked me from your tumblr.
I felt devastated for I was obsessed
And I was already drowned by how deep you write.
Now I followed you here but I cant even follow you.
For Im scared and Im still puzzled.
May this reach you.
My dear partner gwyn.

Don't run away
It's safe here.
It's safe from anxiety
It's safe from pain
It's safe from prejudice
It's safe from suffering
It's safe from trouble

Stay and continue to write
your words are special
no matter where you are
or who you are.

Stay and Write
Write and give hope
For yourself and for others!

I fixed you with a thousand poems
         yet you broke me with only one!

Is it ironic?
      that I lost everyone
Who promised they wont leave me?

I remember the times
that I'm addicted to you.

To your smiles,
your laughs.
your stories.
To the way you stand.
even on how you brush your hair.
To those times you hold my hand

I remember every single detail
to every dates, important or not.
they said i'm obsessed of you.
but the truth is I just love every
little bit of you.

For me your everything is the
best thing I have ever seen.
Having you was one of the
best blessing!

Those times may have ended
but those times is always treasured.

I already said this allot of times.
I’M HERE.
I wont leave.
I wont desert you.
I’m right here.


For a long time now
I have been saying those line because its true.
I hate goodbyes more than anyone
I don't want people to leave.
I don't want you to leave.
I really don't.

Pls do remember that.
I look like an overly attached friend right now
but I don't care.
I only care about you right now.
I see you slowly killing yourself with depression.  

Shes ready to give up not on you but on herself.
I'm loosing myself.
I don't want to see her sad
but It cant be help.
As time past


I don't want her to forgot about you.
I just want her to move on.
I just want her to be happy.
I want my old Partner back.

I am Sad
I am Crying
But Im in Control
There's Freedom in Control

For days now im having allot of flash backs. From every moment of my life from good to bad. Even those memories I kept inside not because they were nightmares but because they were beautiful dreams and Im afraid that it wont happen again.  Its blackout and now its raining hard. I decided to sit near the door just far enough not to get wet. But outside it was like the inside of our house , it was pitch black but the silhouette of the trees are clear. Then comes an airplane rerouting it seemed for it circled away. Then a flash back came . And again it started. I remember all the beautiful things that happened to me in the past years. I smiled then a car cross in front of the house the light was bright then another batch of memories came now it was those memories that you want to be just nightmares but it wasnt, Now im having shivers and tears fall. The past has hunted me down again. For years I tried to fight my way out but for years I failed. Now I decided to run because I think thats the only way to be free from these binds but only to see myself shackled up once again.  As the shackles felt heavy. I felt giving up. Lighting Flashed. Then I saw a face. Then thunders roared then it vanished. Who was that. I ask myself , the heavy shackles  felt a little lighter now. A lightning flashed again then comes another face. Comes the thunders then it fade. The shackles felt lighter and lighter as faces vanishes. Then Again I ask  myself who were those . For minutes lightning flashed and thunders roared. A face shows up and vanishes away. Im still puzzled but then I realized who were they. They where my demons, my past that I was so afraid off. Only then I have realized that those demons are not locked up anymore because I didnt hide them I already conquered them. And I was running away from mere illusions. My past was really behind me now and they are not nightmares but just memories. Then I smiled again.

As I reminisce the Past
     I asked myself!
Was it all worth it?

You are that person I see as light
but now your light seemed fading.
Our journey is still a long one
but your smile is slowly disappearing.


May I raise you up?
May I helped you smile again?.
May I help you stand because I know your knees are weak?.
May I carry you throughout the path.?
All I want is keep you smiling,

To give you all that your heart needs the most.
May I be the shield that would protect your happiness?.
May I be the one to be there always.

All that’s made me is all worth trading
just to have one moment with you,
to make you smile again.

Theres allot of things that I wanted to be lie.
And theres allot of things I wanted to be the truth.

Like the day you told me.
"I wont leave you"
I wanted that to be true.
Or
When they said "everything gonna be fine"
Even when they told me about the toothfairy, the easterbunny, santa or even the grinch.
I wanted them to be all true.

Yet they always tell lies
To somehow make us feel okay.
But in the end we will realized that everything was a lie.

But I wanted allot of things to be a lie.

•Anxiety
•Depression
•prejudice
•sadness

I wanted them to be a lie because Im tired of lying and hiding the truth.

Im tired of saying "I'm Okay"
Im tired of saying "Good Morning , Day, or Night"
Im tired of showing a smile that only hides whats inside.

I want a time
Where my lies will be seen as lies and the truth may be seen.

I

       Hate

              to

                          say

GOODBYE

 ­                      cause

         YOU

Didnt

             said

                         YOU
                
                were

LEAVING.


        com­eback pls!

When you find someone
who is thankful to have you,
is concerned for your well-being,
accepts you as you are,
cheers you up whenever you’re down,
motivates and supports you in your endeavors,
cares for you deeply,
and loves you unconditionally,

treasure and keep that person.
Make him/her feel important in return.
Care for him/her the way he/she does for you.
Love him/her with no reservations.
You may not know it,
but you have found a friend for life in him/her.
God has given you that person for a purpose,
so keep him/her in your heart and prayers.

Asking question
But I dont know why
Its hard to answer
Without wondering why
Questions produces
Answers followed with a why
Is it so hard
To stop the why
The unlimited question
Continues to the infinite whys.