I watch you tend to the celery
Weeding gently, encouraging
Little leaves tenderly
"You're growing" I hear you say
This moment is enough
To justify the love I possess for you
If you can tend to the seeds
Dirtier than I could ever be
One day you may even love me
Again, like you did
When I was as new as your garden
If you had tended to me so gently
Would I be here?
Or did you need me wilted
Desperate enough
That I might stay forever
Beneath the dirt
With you

I keep coming home
To visit you
But you are never there
Oh old man
Where did you go?
I see your body in the chair
Your cup is still half full
But you're eyes see someone new
When I'm sitting
Where I used to
I introduce myself each time
But you ask again before I go
I keep coming by
Just to see you
But old man
You're never home

He loved me unconditionally
As God does
Promising me hell

When you forgave me
The weight finally settled in
Forgiveness stole away rage
God, God, God
Not again
What have I done this time
The dog asks
After it bit another gentle hand
If only you knew
The first hand
And the weight it carried
While it swung
If for pity or love
You stay
Oh, how tired you will grow
Carrying out the sentence
For a crime you didn't commit

I am weaving should-have-beens
Through my here-and-nows
If I could have been a child
I'd have loved my home
Designed to delight the girl
I never was, never knew
I can almost feel it
I know the space where it belongs
I cannot fill it, not with all the world
No hocus pocus halloween magic
No christmas morning anticipation
I try to recreate what I think I lost
How do you bring back
Something that never was
If I could believe in wishes
I'd wish to believe in them
Like I think a child might,
Like I might have, if wishes came true.

Sisyphus finally at rest
Finds himself restless
It is better to desire
Than to have.

I carry your wedding ring
Around in my pocket
The weight serves not as a reminder
Of your love
But as a warning
That even you
Could show such softness