swallowed  in a world of green
creatures hiding below me
watching every  move I make
a line leading me down
to the  green abyss
fear grows as the color deepens
swallowing me as a whole
electricity kisses my hand as a welcoming gesture
my knuckle covered  with small dots
a stain from  the kiss
deeper as i go
the line never ends
as i levitate holding my breathe
nothing  but green surrounds me
cold water shivers down my body
waking up  my  nerves to keep me from being hypnotized
by  the green eyes
my chest contracts
my signal to leave
the green monster lets  me go
as i head up slow
the green lightens
and i see the blue sky draping over me
and as i look down
the  green abyss smiles at me
waiting for me to go back

Your voice fading
Your touch leaving
Your smile disappeared
Your smell
Your eyes
You.

My smile fading
My mind leaving
My emotions disappeared
My love
My heart
Gone.

Our path ended in a fork
We walked on
Never looking back
I wasn't glowing
You were in the rain
Walking as blood trickled down our legs
Slowly stitching our holes
As we walk...
Further
And further
Away.

I looked back once
To only see your silhouette disappear
But when I looked ahead
I saw the light
I didn't miss you
I missed the moment

I look down to see a puddle of blood
To see the holes in me
You created them
I created yours

The end of the road is where our future began
Our own future.

Almost growing up together
Almost living closer
Almost happy
Almost with you
Almost kissed you
Almost hugged you
Almost spoke to you
Almost crossing paths
Almost met you
Almost...

it's been days...
weeks...
months.
since I felt the salt on my skin
burning from the sun
making my skin golden
glowing, my cheeks blushing all day every day
my hair curly and salty

my feet kicking the blue sea
playing with the sand wet or dry
running with my dog
my golden legs moving

my hair seaweed as I float on the surface of the blue waters
swirling around, playing, dancing
the cold waters cooling my burnt golden skin
Hydrating

the waves making music
the fire crackling to keep me and my friends warm
as we listen to one play the guitar
as we gaze at the diamonds in the sky

Neptune sharing his beauty
making me and everything and one around me beautiful

Dear Valentines,
Oh you're so far away
In a country, I would love to be at and stay
Our stars aligned
Yet our paths never crossed
Our paths crossed as we were angels, innocent souls
Giving out cards and candies that says "Be Mine"
But are you?
Your aura gives me joy and comfort
But it makes me hesitate breaking our flow of the spell
Your words make me smile
My face stretches without me realizing
My smile hugs my face
and my cheeks are sore

Dear Valentine,
We connect so well
Yet complete opposites
Distance has stopped us to go where we would go
But, you have your own valentine
And all I can do is listen to your happiness

Dear Valentine,
You almost got me there
But I need to share
my lack of interest in pain
And to keep me sane
I look past
and exchange words with no emotions
to protect me and only me
If you could see
the care I give to you
and joy you bring to me
I would fly to you with no hesitation
But its best I stay
stationed
Because at this time
It's valentines

its okay to not be okay
its okay to be down all day
your body feels grey
your eyes
ripped out
your heart leaking below you
and your brain
in a box
torturing you with thoughts
that turn you blue
your body
lonely
your heart
fatigued

its okay to not be where your eyes are stuck on
opening the door
slowly
your mind peaks at the crack
you
alone
music lasting seconds
looped
your eyes
deeper
your heart draining
and your mind
running
running through every door possible that was closed
flooding the room with oceans of emotions
drowning
slowly drowning deeper
a suicide of thoughts
its okay to not be okay

My heart stiched back
My stomach now flutters
Your arms are my walls
You are my knight and shining armor
My cries become laughs

My calls are useful
My lips on yours
I'm here with you

Only you

Others look
They see my smile
My walk becomes better
My thoughts becomes cleaner
I am who I was and I'll never change

I am here with you
again
And no one will tear us apart

And no one will ever stop me from loving you

what's it like to feel
stress-free
not banging ur head against the wall

what's  it like to run like the world never ends
the sun always shines
and the rain feels sweet
and sleep so deep
instead of being stuck
where the sun and stars aren't in your presence
and sleep so loud

whats it like to know safety feels like
and serotonin running through your veins
instead of feeling lost
and numb

whats  it like to feel affection
and love with someone you are happy with
comfortable
instead of losing so much hope
and the electricity is dying
waiting for a day to meet someone that would return what you give

and if you feel free,
were you stuck before?

as my emotions turn dark
a pain emerges
instead of crying
i feel a chain
a think silver chain
wrapping
locking
the chest
the heart
and everytime they hurt me
where i feel pain
a chain will lock up the emotions
yet... there are still gaps for droplets to fall
and slip
but there will be a time where i'll be locked
completely
closed,
****
emotions

Once in a blue moon
you'll see her smile with warmth
and eyes glowing with joy
cheeks red and warm
as serotonin rushes through my body

Once in a blue moon
she'll laugh here and there
dance like she's in a movie
and be so free and relaxed

Once in a blue moon
she'll crack a joke
talk like the radio
sleep so peacefully
and be with someone that makes her happy

But until then,
her face is locked
her face no longer glows with emotions
her cheeks no longer red
and her smile no longer warm

her dancing will stop
she will only walk
and sleep to pass through the hours
without doing anything

His warm heart melts you
His laugh so contagious
His softness
The protection and the safe feeling
His eyes so dark
...yet mysterious
His passion
The love he gave you, and the sacrifices he made
To have you..and only you

You,
So blind and ill-advised
So hated for what you have done
To cut the rope
All because you listened to the devils around you

He calls, but is busy smoking his sorrows away
You think he belongs to a different heart
And you smash your glass heart for him you love

Broken and wet you cry through the night..
He's gone..

My heart races
Nervous.Excited.Anxious...suspicious
Lies to get somewhere you felt was right

Waiting...Looking...checking my phone for a text
"I'm close"..."Im here, where are you"
My eyes searching...scared and alone
I call a friend
I see a similar figure
My heart pounds
..finally...
Two young teenagers walking for a spot for just the two
20 minutes pass.
nothing
30 minutes pass...nothing
He finds a place and the stars greet above us
Laughter fills the darkness

20 minutes pass...
Only laughter is heard, and movement
My adrenaline dies...
Patience...stops
My phone rings as my ride remind me when it will be there
..nothing.

I stop listening to his music
I look into his eyes to try and read whats up

nothing

more time has passed..more music is shared..more opportunities blown

the spark inside of me died..and I put myself in
I asked whats playing in his mind
Why the cold feet
No proper explanation
I get up...he watches me
watches me take his money and put it in his bag and the device to import music to my ears
he asks where his money is and why I packed his belongings
I hug him for the last opportunity

but nothing
I walked off watching the fish under me swim
he calls after me and we sit down looking at the sea...
he sees danger for him and me
my heart wimper
my mind turns into a storm
my cheeks red
the energy I had was just silence and pace
I walked to the car

texts ring my phone
the expected sorry
and the text it doesn't feel right hurt me

I won't look at him..

i finally understood
the title of 'crush'
where you feel so high
your cheeks on fire
the curiosity
the determination
and then,
their 'crush'
wasnt you all along
and your heart
your head
your emotions
are shattered
everywhere
but
there's always more to come
dont let one
shatter you

you built me a tower
filled with walls
walls with gleaming colors
floors shine like pearls
as you leave me with a foundation
made of glass
cracking
day by day they crack
as you build more levels to the tower

advertising hope
strength
a tower that brings suffering
and dept
a dept to myself
my body
my heart
a dept so grand it might as well fall
a dept so grand
I pay you with my energy
a grey tower
no longer glowing in the darkness
beaming through the dark sky

grey tower
cold and frail
cracking
glass
a grey tower
getting taller and taller
my grey tower

facing a Gemini
not a literal one
my sport washing my life
a dose of nostalgia swallows me
overdoses of sadness, stress, and blindness
relaxation, a blue moon will show its face
my heart. attached to one is now lost
my independence climbing back
constantly getting knocked down
trying to climb the mountain of feels
defeating the monster of confusion
crossing bridge Gemini for a short cut
rarely making it
when I think I accomplish the journey and surprise always knocks me down
just like my swimming
my last lap was always putting me down
wasting all my energy on the first lap.

My head
a volcano that. wants to erupt
but the wine cork stops it
internal explosion occurs and the volcano breaks down

My thoughts
a bottle of shaken champagne
wanting to explode
and spill
with golden sparkling thoughts
but the owner changing its mind to a '61 Latour
a more expensive drink
the bubbles collecting up to the tip
wanting to speak
but the bubbles fade and goes back to the golden liquid
as my thoughts meltdown inside me

My heart.
literally no longer around
its been locked up
in a cell behind my bones
guilty of charge
putting feelings before the mind causing ******

My Ears

overdosed with music
songs that now control my mood
dreamy, sad, hype anything my ears crave
a marijuana to my mind
******* to my heart
and LSD to my ears
shrooms to my vision

summer of 2k19 pt.1

you think they've got your back
...broken..stabbed
****.
You think your parents are your back bone
...ah ****, here we go again
yelled at
my head pounding against my skull
feeling exactly how I feel
my heart locked up
trained to not feel
love
lust
or trust.
everyday thick chain wraps around my heart
making sure every emotion cannot slip
not a single tear can shed from the chain


our parents seem to build this image in their head
but in reality that image causes their children to fail