I've had my first love when I was 8,
Nothing special to him
He's just a boy I just always played with
I don't remember his face anymore

I've had my first love when I was 12
He's the smartest boy in class
But we graduated
Parted our ways

I've had my first love when I was 14
High school, a year older
She had a girlfriend back then
She's my friend

I've had my first love when I was 16
A classmate
I told him in front of class I like him
He smiled, said nothing back

I've had my first love when I was 17
3 years older than me
Admired him for 4 years
And sometimes, I still remember him

I've had my first love when I was 21
He found me at the time when I was not really looking
He is my first in everything.
And it always feel like first time

It's first love
No matter how I looked at it
The feeling are the same
For a new experience

Sometimes you asks
"What's the universe plan?"
You wonder,
People around you move forward,
Then, you are here —
Still here
Stuck from the beginning
Time passes,
But still in the beginning.
You did your best
But then you ask
"Did you really do your best?"

People say "Calm—
You are where you are right now
Everything are according to life's plan"
I hope I can choose my place.
I hope I can choose the battle I can fight.
I hope that life didn't choose me for this.
I am doing my best to follow the life's plan.
Or maybe I am not

Tonight, i want to write
Not a poem
Nor a story
A diary entry?
A life update maybe
Should i jot it on a piece of paper?
Or my notes app is better?
I don't know where to start
It's been a while
But life is better lately
It is sickening mostly
But, we're getting there
One step at a time
We're going better
How about you?
How are you?

and when I die,
i'll keep my messenger open
you can say "hi :) "
or dump your doxc file
no need to say you missed me
but feel free to send the feelings
and sorry if i don't response
but i saw your message
remember,
i'm always here to listen

and the devil works harder this time
painted the city with red
promised the land with unity and lies
red, the color of the blood in their hands

but, i still believe tomorrow will be better
the red will be covered in white,
symbolizes the hope and truth
tomorrow shall be pink


🌸🌼🌸