You didn't leave me with closure. You left me with a cold "Goodbye..."
So, my heart's not understanding it's over... It will... It'll just take some time..

Cause my mind IS in cooperation with the logic of how these things work...
In all honesty, I came to the realization- that it was over long before it started to hurt..

I can't say that I'm suprised at all. I knew this "love" would end.. eventually...
I knew you weren't in it for the long haul.. When you denied how much you meant to me...

You were quick to run when things got tough. I dealt with it alone every time...
But you were quick to return when sh** cleared up, huh? As quick as I was to AGAIN call you "Mine..."

In the end.. I don't blame you for leaving. You weren't raised by/or TO be a man..
So you can stop spitting your excuses and calling them reasons.. For why everyone's grown up, but you can't.

You don't know how.. It's just not in your blood. You weren't destined to fail.. just to struggle...
You were made to base your future rolling around in the mud alone... So it's only YOU who's in touble.

I don't wish bad NOR good on you. Nothing in fact, just leave me alone, stay away...
Cause MY future is bright and YOUR future is black, stuck in the past, while - I - face a new day.

Finally, she made it home... Exhausted both mentally and physically
from the long, hot days before.... Exhausted...
Too worn out to take anything out of her car,
she drags herself
and her purse
inside her house, down her hallway to her bedroom door.
She can't see anything, because the change from beautiful, bright, life-giving sunlight to cold and hollow darkness
is sudden and drastic.
Yet...
Somehow she manages to unlock her door....

Everything is in order,
the way she left it.
His picture
still hanging above her bed.
The one she knew she could get lost in...
She drops her bag onto her bed, steps up on the stepping stool and then drops herself down next to it..

She turns to face her wall..
To see him...
His smile...
His eyes....
His beautiful soul still shining through....
Even in a picture...
She smiles.
Grateful and happy that he's smiling and she can see it...
It didn't matter that he was no longer physically in her life.....

In this moment..
He was there...
And she felt safe in this moment...
The last thing she seen before she closed her eyes...
Was his smiling face.....
As she drifted off, she kept his smile vivid in her mind's eye...
And in the precise moment before his image faded into the dark abyss..
she heard him say,
"Goodnight babe. I love you."

..... And that was ALL that she wanted.

From a broken home to broken trust and everything in between. . .
I am who I am - just me.

I've made mistakes & been accused of the wildest of things. . .
Though I've become a better person through it all.. I still remain - just me.

I've had it all and lost it too.. Along with my mind and feelings. . .
No one else dragged me through the mud or seen me through - just me.

I've built new walls around me, that I now stay in comfortably...
No one can gain access again.. NO, not that easily..
Cause no one else has the entry key... No one else..

JUST ME.

I want to genuinely smile and have real friends that make me laugh..
Even more than that - I really want to get my life back on track...
But it's hard to have hope for the future - cause I just can't let go of the past....

The days are long, the nights are colder... I keep reaching for any strength I have stored within...
I keep reaching for hope - while trying to keep hold of my sanity...
It's getting harder, cause I just want to hold him...

It's been awhile now since our last encounter... This has happened so many times before...
I should be used to and tired of this already... What I thought I knew about love - I don't anymore...

I used to believe I knew every thing about love... As it would turn out, I know Nothing, in fact...
All I've ever known - was how to give love away... I never learned how to get some love back...

So I'm sitting here feeling stupid.. empty.. and alone... Wanting TO WANT to change enough to enjoy life again...
... But WANTING to want is an emotion so deep and so hollow... I wouldn't know where to begin.....