,

.

I have lost my passion to write of you
the leaf burns slowly
in the
sun.

there is no more room in vast darkness
      to place my emptiness
dragging raindrops stretch like mirrors
reflecting the void in dire need of a wakeup call
perhaps a tap on the shoulder
tugs
down
like
hooks
on my stomach

I run to my blank pages
the way a child with a bruised knee
runs to his mother with tears in his eyes
and when he falls into her arms he is at peace
that is how I feel when I capture that brittle emotion
when I forfit it like a slave to my poetry
because I do not have a mother anymore
because all I have is my words
and that is all I really wanted to say
because my hurt at this point has no words
I just wanted to feel that there was something there for me
something waiting for my pain besides myself
and I just wiped the mascara from beneath my eyes
I just thought about you again
please I beg myself to forget you
I beg myself to forget all those simple and beautiful things about you
while you drench yourself in love

the trees fall down
and they have came and left so quickly
this nature of life
should I say goodbye so easily
when I feel like the hello has barely embraced my quivering lips
that quivered in your days
some powerless
some overwhelming with a feeling of conquer

should I forget you and move on
as time dosent wait for you or me
than why should I

is it done, and this new white page
it just sits in front of me
this blank book, of what is yet to come
within more bewildered days
of love, meeting, rememberence, conversation, wine and hope

I left my country
I left everyone in it
I casted myself away from destructive situations
one that lead back to that one boy
no not him
it was another one
that I casted myself from
the other was a simple breeze that I let rub my cheeks
and didnt think twice about its angry departure
I simply let the madness caress me
and then when it threatened me I left fruitfully
laughter lingering behind my back

I lived on different land
sang on different land
I delved into abstract minds and conversation on different land
I held hands on different land
I kissed on different land
and evidently I weeped and suffered on different land

I sat down watching them yell and scream in happiness
its a new chapter in the life of the universe, and me
I was on sand floating on less familiar waters
in my beautiful country

I went further into loneliness than most would dare
sat there in the mountains weekend after weekend
keeping myself company
it was then and there I realized more of me
got a better feel of what I was really like

I came back to find what I left
but this time things seemed prettier
the water tasted sweeter
life seemed heavier
and my soul it felt lighter
while I sunk in deeper
to you and you and you
and you who stuck out
you who patience struck like a vertical war blade
in parts of me I didnt know had life

patience, it fell on a rock that was harder than I thought
in the pit of my stomach
like hands gripping me tightly
I gripped onto you tightly
I held you there for as long as I could
till meaning came to my story
and I was able to decipher
that this wasnt like those novels I read when
I was a little girl
although I felt like I child
when your air would mingle with me
and your laugh would
make
my
hands
shake

--
little to none was the worst
in where drunken nights lead to drunken mornings
which lead to drunken fights
on drunken hearts
they beat differently

and now
now I think differently
and its a new year

the black crimson of atmospheric and feminine smoke gloriously moves around
like tainted belly dancers in front of the pyramids
luring and incredibly terrifying
singing to me in the tongue of Orpheus, balancing
like dark ballerinas gathered in Arabesque stance
protruding brittle and shaking emotion with grace and
extracting all mind pollution
drenched in a feeble state
lurid/ashen/grim with transcending desire to fulfill itself beyond natural depth
I delicately move my fingers around, I want this to wrap around me
as slow as possible
I nestle my head into my shoulder, and rub my cheek against my warmth
I adorn the fumes
I kiss them  

ghosts and humble gatherings pursue me on this deadly night
of a deep fright and tender delight
crazed anonymous lovers kiss on their balcony somewhere in France
a fog dies out on some highway in mid Arizona
while a young woman smears red lip stick on her tainted mouth
she tries to gather her hair as it blows in the wind in her girlfriends
1975 convertible Chevrolet Caprice classic    
this desert is heavy she thinks to herself
as the thoughts of authority and being thrown into a jail cell
slowly slip away through her hallucinations
she casts the bottle of brandy to her drunken tongue
I am human she thinks, more human than I have ever been
a smile makes its way to her lips adjoined with tears
and childhood memories of lime aide on Saturday mornings
and the smell of chlorine from the old pool in the backyard that her mother
told her to never jump in

I trail my finger against the heat that has made its way to my shower door
and print some lewd drawing that brings a tiny bit of laughter to my gut

I remember the way you would analyze your face in the mirror
judging yourself so harshly, when orchids in spring would never compare to you

remember the feeling of having a butterfly rarely land on your hand as a child
nothing could have been more magical at that moment
when your heart explodes with mystical wonder
and then before you know it its set free again
things so ethereal are not meant for captivity
human hearts should learn how to relate
live freely

that is how I feel sometimes
when life brushes on my skin like  6 billion beating hearts
when I find ways to connect with those poor women in Kenya,
and tap into the rarity of their happiness
when I find ways to breathe in that same toxic air of the unfortunate civilians
of the city Chernobyl in Ukraine
when every child that has ever been given life breathes in my heart
when I connect and feel
alive.

el sol va tocar la lluna i amb els ulls brillants que compartien una
paradoxa amor, es va convertir en el seu conjunt
es va torçar en una essència sota els llençols de les tenebres al
nostre espai infinit
the world whispered the simple phrase into my ample
body, frigid in the sense mentally and physically
I cant get enough of this new comer
I feel the verses in my poetry have became
more real when words are enveloped in
a character of no moral restraints
I am more real now, I feel full
yet my emptiness is there on the side
I need that, and its understood - every human does
wholesome
grateful
the living dead are fully
alive now, and I have let
the deader parts of me fade away
with the turning of time
I have a new sheet of skin upon my body
I have new eyes peering at the world
with the stare of a pale ****** who has
yet to be touched by the sun
just coming out of my mothers womb
you see
I am born again
I breathe for the first time
and I love genuinely
I throw my arms in the sky
and I bathe myself in the wind
of this foreigner whom soon
I will give my body to
and you will grow along me
the clouds move above me like a
euphoric dream of melodies
and I feel the rush of the universe
come down on me like a huge raindrop
and I am cleansed
and I am free
and I am love
the smell of wet wood in the park
suffocates me with its natural joy
and I lay on the grass and peer
into the lakes of life and
the mysteries they hold, I cannot
wait to find out the riddles
and listen to the new rhymes to come
welcome new year

Murdering the infants of soft cruelty
that build sand castles in my back yard
I heard them cry out for sugar
and laughter

I place the old pictures in my pocket
I find my luggage
my clothing that I wish to burn

branches quiver in the sun
so innocent and lifeless
so potent and malicious

Im a woman who will retain
a unfertilized egg
and a single heart

I see beauty only on the surface
and I dont dare go any further
then the skin
anything past flesh has become
nothing but
disappointment

you see,
I have came across you so many times before
you stricken love

you love that is filled with passion
you love that is filled with detriment
you love that is filled with ocean like conversations
you love that is made of fire- burning
you love that is made of water- flowing
you love that is made to not last forever

the one that understands when it is time to pick up
your ***** feet and leave through the door that is already
waiting open for you
the door where on the other side life feels and looks exactly the same
but a little piece of the sky goes missing somewhere on the painting
a fragment of art in your life has been burnt
by fiery meetings of skin cradled on warmer skin

a love where the water is greater than the fire
where passion becomes extinguished
at any given moment, for a reason that will never
appear in any of your art work

you open your eyes one morning
and you instantly know all that was there
is sleeping now, in some form of energy far away from
the bed you and your ex-lover sleep on
leaving a lingering a permanent whisper behind

saying
I love you, but accept this

maybe this is what you want
goodmorning to a smile
goodnight to a smile
humming in the heart of someone unfathomable
light hearted and untainted
maybe but only slightly
but just not enough
to feel the rigid edges
to know that they are always there
I dont deserve this
maybe thats it

your light heartedness
my soul merely corrupt and haunted
stained and discolored over and over
the same spots
by my life

my lovely life
that I accept and appreciate
for showing me what I know

a painful world that you never exsisted in is
where I spent my nights as a child

always keep the lights down
on the sleepless nights where shiver takes over
and then melting becomes a priority
breathing vastly
into open and empty space
I have so much room to move
in my restricted composure
I curl in ways I want

I move through air in simple positions
and I am alone
I drift
harshly into misty regions
where the cold dew falls onto my hair
then slowly down my back
and then I drown
in an ocean of delivery

simply subdued by the character of so many voices
-and the so many voices of this one character

Im plunging deep within unknown objects of fragile nature
I manage to weep
every so often
on days where Im surrounded by too much noise
broken I delight
in sharing my broken thoughts with
you
I press hard against my temple
into the sense where sometimes
a ****** speaks
bound by the lips of a woman dressed in red
the seducer
the destroyer

frail innocence
waiting for you to abide by my silent eyes
and my calm wrists
the white flowers fall off your cheeks in my sleep
and I'm condemed by you
I thirst like a child waiting for your simple words
simple words that will finally end these little waves

simple sighs

to end the paleness that floats aloft inside of me and alone
I have too much courage for this small body
too much strength for all this fragility
to simply get a glimpse of your slightly aged skin
to simply be able to listen to your voice
even in my thoughts

my eyes are dry
but my soul is wet with the things i hold back
mesmerized by anything more than nothing

and nothing is more than nothing
your biggest fleet has lost all meaning
or yours

trust me
please please
trust me

when i tell you I'm shivering inside
its winter all the time
and i beg for this time to pass

trust me
please please
trust me

when i tell you I'm char and combust
and the holocaust of all my broken souls
are screaming under the burning roof inside
my home that has no bed
my home that has no windows
my home that has no living room
or stable wooden ground
that shines and when you smell lemons
when everything is clean
no
no

(that is not me)

the sound of celebration
the light of celebration play around me
the words of others sitting beside me

I remember when you exposed yourself
veins hanging like watered down tissue on burning wood
while I stood under you
you dripped on me
and I cant seem to get the stains to leave

how can you endure me with heart ache
such as yours
as now I am forever burdened by your hormones
and recklessness

and you tell me I am the purpose
for the epidemic
which ruled and overtook your galaxies

how am I so tiny and frail
able to do such things
surely it is not in my stature
for I am small

surely it cant be from my heart
for it is as alive as cobble stone
when it came to you
your were my friend
a partner in crime
taken away from me by means of yourself
and how am I to help that
when it is so out of my hand

cant you see how you drain my days
and make the moments so weary
when I am suppose to be hungry for will
and anticipation for the new minute to come

now I have deaden down
now I have melted on only the surface of the ground
if only I can go deeper
but no I am only on the surface

how do I explain such things as this
when my mind cant comprehend it
and I am already swimming in the ocean of doubt

before I took enough steps to think
before I took enough steps to get to you
before I took enough steps to know who you really are

you defeated me
you let me go
out of your selfish bitterness
how can you blame me

I passed the new york in your eyes notriously
before ever really speaking the language that they shrieked

the rigourus dimensions
the pale fingers speak
Im crisp
as the apple giving birth to her death
send your signals to me

fly seas
dance in breeze

remember the ****** when in her blackened tongue she speaks
fragility giving birth to her gritty skeletons
came to me one night and begged me to breathe
poetically told me it was me the universe seeks

not who they said I was
but to shed the hiding technique
the ill and sly words in my tongue raging to leak
the ordained freak and the memories
laying in the back of my mind somewhere,
those
those real antiques


Im a princess in the world of words itself
and the universe is my boutique
I brush the pink smile upon my cheek
and I grab what I want with the strength of ease

to my side I kick those ordinary bullies
and now Im watching them burn in the lowest average of these cities
I let my hair grow
wear bright colors
and dance the dance of the gipsies
I take life back further than the fifties
then further then the thirties

I run to the cemetary and mingle with that one zombie
the one who I let go of
and let him explain to me the details of my hidden worries

he tells me to let them go

I shoot the fatigued oldness in the heart with the spine of my arrow
I make loves to all my shadows
I hallow in my very mellow
state of mind
my intrinsic phsyco
my cronic rainbow

I dont need your superfiality
because as human I have won the mental lotto

spoke in love tongue
warmed up in laughter
and then woke up one morning and thought my name
the victim says

one morning when I had taken myself away
from this earth
and burried myself in dirt on another place

anywhere oh anywhere other then this petty little world
where only you and the other soul exsist
in the mist and dew in the evaporation of my wet thoughts
within my thoughts
only inside of you
my mind caressed your blood

my steam runs down your veins
will I ever forgive myself for letting you own my mind
and my smoke circles your face
and clings to our breath
and if suffocating crept
I wouldt even recognize you--
death

when here under a opressors arms

simply delighted melting vigorusly in the diluted charm
oh we are everything
everything
but at the moment it dosent
no it dosent seem wrong

there is a medium of loneliness
where I find you on sulken days
damp like thin paper
subdued in hues
your eyes run down my paintings
like a oil spill engraved on the face of the universe

morbidly beautiful I cast you on my bewildered
kite
I stare up at you
with shattered eyes
I reach for you like barren agony
and you come down to me

we meet in our empty land
we prance it like skipping heart beats
we cut it open like red meat
while the rest of the world is beneath our feet
we retreat

into forelorn seclusion
the place we loved after all the defeat
and to myself I repeat
and I repeat

how are you so stunning
that you casted my fixed gaze from the stars
brung my world to a standstill and everything
I held onto now falls
when I hear the beckoning of your gazes call

and I know that love though dark and endless
beautiful and agless

exsists after all

The terrible influence of all sorts
and the best part is
the worst has yet to come out of me
I trail on forbidden staircases
where at the top

at the top lies my unconscious loved ones
bare with me as I apologize to them
for keeping them in
for keeping them so tight in soft silk

now I sulk
in them
and I exchange intimate touches
press my fingers so lightly
on the animal hidden so deep inside of me

and I finally let you go
when love is barren
and thoughts escape
and my words are narrow
and I cant write about the one who I have given my heart to

my heart is in my chest
isolated, my heart lies within my heart
do you understand
spiritual within flesh
within blood
hidden away
with the worst part of me

This is a poem for the poems that are not ready yet
a poem for memories that have not yet reached the surface
a poem for miseries I refuse to accept

I'm not sure what the purpose it serves can possibly be
all I know is that even in the smallest way, I need to get these other poems
out of me .they are rotting my body.they are moving around harshly.

as a poet, I write when I am upset, I write when I am elated
there are still things I have to much pride to write of
things that swell in my wrist that I have not yet gathered inside
to see created into one of mine. To see breathe and become alive.

poets. poor miserable happy poets.
how do we survive.

I get this feeling
dew drops in window panes its 5 am
,the cold is stinging me and my back feels a bit sore from the different weather
life stings outside
I lay motionless, half asleep I look at my furniture and my ceiling
and I get this feeling

I looked at all my old things
remembered holding them as a child
and my stomach caves in
moisture slides down my chin
as I overlap the different colors on the wall with a half grin

I go somewhere in my head where I have never been
sitting on top of the wall of berlin
tearing to get to that thing that is so much deeper than under my skin
I open my eyes slowly to get the perfect glance,
whisper sin

Im a deluded dreamer trapped in the core of someone elses refuge
its not mine

it was never mine

hollow filled with courses from my bloodline
I leaned back as I adorned the crevice in your jawline
defined and explicit irrational and sensitive
from that I resign
water moving down like wine into our skyline,
Im overturned into your pshyco love mass incorporated to burn bridges
and start a upheavel of immense love and rememberence
of all your most beautiful things
hidden in my cabin in the naked blue forest I have dripped down
with my hands
morphed into something bloodcurdling on a whirlwind
with gracious hormones of anarachy built under all your
comely bones

I would like if I could, to venture out
into a baroque cave where the walls are translucent
and all that surrounds it are rivers of coherence
and incoherence
where I can scream, and when my echoes
radiate they bounce off on me and touch
the spaces in between my fingers
bizarre and ornate
rococo chimes lift my spirit
progressive, regressive
subliminal rising, into the sea of whispers
and final decisions  
and crazed hands
and melting lips
and bruised knuckles
and fighting wrists...

I subsist to consist
of the fluid that makes me up
lavender barely breathing
flowers/continue/endure

hang tough, low by lakes of conspiracy
and hate/ block eyes/ shed those ill states

I carry this entity/essence/life gentely
in my arms like a ancestor. mother .
press its head against my skin and give it everything
in my blood filled hands, sinful/blessed/ tiered creatures
I feel beautiful in these worlds.

eyes closed in sleep, palms spread forth
oceans cleansing, I feel like an infant
stomach twists and hearts bat burnt wings
and learn to fly

I radiate.full hearted. eminence spoke to me
through her portal of solid grass and dieing trees
in the outskirts of the vagabond, slowly unraveling
like a child speaking
slowly growing like new love
stricken instantly
I am in
between Cleopatra and Mark
between Orpheus and Eurydice
between Odysseus and Penelope
between Elizabeth Bennett and Darcy
between Salim and Anarkali
I shiver in that love
that breathes in determent
and breathes out fragrance  
  

temperate plasma hooked onto
the grind of my woman I beat like
the robins breast/ trembling in awe
like a living leaf blowing in the winter wind
resisting/giving in/ perishing/ breathing
to the sound of this beautiful life

all black is the calmest gesture
alluring - inviting, kindly asking to stay away
the streets were filled with chest's that explode with art
a woman walks by with her ex-lover
she looks at him when he does not pay attention
she wishes he would rest in peace
upon leaves that fell from the tree they grew together

I stare at my fingers stained with red wine
I stare at lips stained with red wine
I do not want to kiss them

we walked into one gallery, filled with color
lingering too explosive for me at the moment
I wanted something slow
that creeps through the blood like injecting a needle
something subtle, infused with a hiding passion
penetrating and brutal
instilling hope
regaining fear
grieved by reality
stolen by the ethereal

I wanted to experience something that stirred in my chest
moving around my arms and back hungrily
looking for something that was lost, or perhaps never there
wild emotion in the shape of a snake infusing me
with a poison that is too sweet to ******
and too bitter to live through

I walked these streets, passed by these galleries
in a desperate attempt to seek this inspiration
this rage
this entity
this sadness
this satisfaction
this sensitivity
this coldness
this shame
this pride

I left with the feeling of being hallow
and realized perhaps that which I seek
perhaps cannot be found in a painting
or a photograph
cannot be mastered in physical form

that foreign sensation  that starves
that foreign sensation that fills you like a glass of wine
is sleeping in the eyes of another person

I speak to my body
and tell my very skin to hold on
for the places that I will be letting my
ease drip is no ocean of euphoria
yet it will provide the joy in delivery
in the very understanding of the depth
beneath our feet, in the fleeting
air of real human like feelings
breathing around us
pitiful skeletons enveloped like ghosts
my back is stabbed and I am wounded
bleeding on the years under me
floating in gray air
I see every small detail
every dull and alien like brittle particle
oh I see everything
my legs are open and ready to take in
all the life
just life
only for me, and nothing else
I want none
fullfilled with my own generosity
I choose not to let somone invade my
warmth at the time,
I am selfish with myself
I want only myself
I want only my love
and I want only my pain
until I find you who understands that
I lay stagnant a tear
upon my blushed cheek

days like these I wish to fashion the sun into a dress and wear it
tuck my eyes under the water and breathe,
I can pretend to do these things
I hold the trees in my palms and watch my skin turn into leaves
I am the dirt and I am more than clean
I am black
I am white
I am red
I am wise
and I am green

mislead and content
driven, far fetched, and bent
I remember that night when whatever we had left, we spent
but it didn't matter that we didn't have money to go out
because we went out to the woods and we set up our tent
we forgot about our superficial laments and immersed in natures scent

I don't need the buildings or the cement
**** the bills and **** the rent
and **** all that technology that they continuously invent
it makes us forget what we are

I would like to find ears who will listen to me as I vent
about a catastrophic race who has forgotten its blood
who don't let their children go out and play in the mud
who see no beauty in the flowers bud
children who have been completely devoured
by this consuming technological flood

I close my eyes and I hear nature whisper its calm lines to me
she tells me that she is sad and that more of us should rise to find
a solution to this anarchy
that by the day, lives that live within her are becoming endangered species
the dieing trees next to me nod their heads and agree

she reminds me of the starving children
the dieing men
and the tortured women
my hands feel more empty than before
as I feel helpless

but she said, we can all do one thing
love true life, find its answers and upon finding these answers the
world herself becomes a better place
and  unlike anything else that is ageless
she screams love, accept, and appreciate every race
every religion and try to see the innocence in every face
reach out humankind, hands together tangled in a embrace
smile and throw your hands into your universes infinite space
and remember that it is not a specific country
but the earth itself that is your birthplace

remember that it is not only the offspring of your mother and father
but every human is a brother or a sister
realize the horrible truths of our society, open your minds up
and learn how to accept and be braver
only by accepting these things that seep between government lines
can we manifest energies that will expose them
so that more people believe
so that more people rise
and more people see
I dare you, to not be deceived; life says
cause ignorance sleeps in bliss
and though this truth may make you grieve
my child it is better to be wise
then to be
naive

so come with me, life says; take my hand
don't pack your bags
spread your wings and fly to the true homeland
swim in my oceans naked and dig your body into my sand
feel your heart sing
and your soul expand
now you are truly bathing

time comes slower now when it comes to aging
and here people take pride in their wrinkles and gray hair
in their creases they hold many years of happiness and despair
wisdom, and many moments simply loving the raging air
words and silence become one
remember always that the most beautiful things are wordless
and this life is full of scriptures that you cannot see
but that you can feel with every pore on your body
your third eye has opened and your 6th sense has finally came to be
now intuitive, you see beyond what we knew to be beauty
let go of that hardship I beg you
let go of that worry
let go of the angry
let go of that army
dust off that ashy debris

and come into this world gently and calmly

.

I want to make something
that will make the ground underneath you hesitant
the human with the sad eyes
and the crippled thoughts
lonesome long tiered vicious walks
down the alleys of your broken jars
your wide is hallow
and incircling everything you lack trust in
I am the mirror image of the laws of lust
and my body its like dry wall, stagnant
unmoving no wavering
resistent and i am not to be spoken to

laws
mercy mercy
please abide by breaking them
when conjuring with society has reached
fatal destruction of ones own opinion
on how I should walk when my back hurts
and the wind is beating down on my chest
and making me far beyond physically sick
I prowl the arena of this panther
life life

and im dumbfounded walking sideways
trailing off and wailing off into
your absoloute cause

wonderland you are beautiful
wonderland you make me cry
land of wonder I shall craddle you
with all the infants the world has to offer
to lay you down and give you
the milk of my soul

and I am sifted on to the edge of the road
I'm diving into the state of being whole
when alone and subdued
cure without a cure
love without abuse
I build castles in the air
I reconsolidate and accomidate simple
translations of your finest trickery
into a meaning with no meaning
land turned into a molecule

on the tips of my goosebumps.

paralyzing fears
spark different personalities
in the pit of something so much deeper than gesture
you graze inside me like a caged discern waiting to be realesed

you must be realesed


reveal your accent to my forgein tongue
never be shy
in your absence I am still present

still waiting

with your cornacopia imposed on my judgment
I'm extending my arm out to you

I ran away from the temple
that you hid me inside of for so long

my feet were numb
and I almost went blind
the monsters outside almost
got me
and ripped my insides out

the corners got rusty
spiders built their webs

they were present in our conversations
did you love me

or was I the crown posession
did I intrigue you
moving small

I brake my anger with your smile
and let the frusteration slip through
my hands like indian silk

most nights
I was on my knees
holding my breathe
hoping you would come home
and for many days
you did not


you left me there
walked out and locked the door
leaving me without remorse
or redemption
steady handed and left there to burn
like the guiltys alibi
hanging by a needle on my chest
burden like havok causing
endless catasrophes in my mind
insanity I questioned
burried deep deep
inside of you

you who had no mercy
with your kiss

Its almost like thread
this
me and you
weaving
Im strolling
down a park
and I come across my thoughts laying down retreating on the side walk
I see the trees, and they are all so green and brown
and there you are
behind every tree
and every single thought

bent, these people
these thoughts are holding their knees together
and each ones strays and blushes to the other
and then ignore each other
as if they dont belong to the same mind
they run around and hold hanfds
and then they run away from each other

like thinking a thousand times of the letters that make up your name
and a thousand times of the skin that makes your body
and a thousand times of trying to forget what they both do to me

my thoughts run around like infants
with no mothers
and no understanding
completely barbaric and sad

I need you to come down to me
to have my restlessness come to death
and I need you to never look in my direction again
it wounds me
and I simply cant live without you

I can tell you what it is, that feeling
but before, I must let you know I have dusty corners that need to be fixed from floor to ceiling

now in this room there is no use in stealing
its not gradual, look in my eyes in one second if i allow it, you will know the meaning

in my hands, beneath my palms there is a pounding
as water embraces the ocean, can you feel yourself drowning

trembling I hold it out of my chest
my hands are dripping in blood, and right now I cannot tell you the rest
here we don't use words, because there is no use for them

once they told me .....
but I refuse to believe that,
although I find trouble convincing myself - no they are lies
a lingering whisper that comes to me occasionally tells me otherwise

that little girl that lingered in the open spaces
with her nerves she traces
symbolic memoirs of something fading
I went downtown just to go downtown, no reason in particular
, days like those I cherish the beauty of solitude and city lights

after I got to the mountains I blushed to myself
when they came to say hi
this isn't were I belong
do I seem like an open book
I am an open book

but only the right eyes can read its invisible words
that were written with the happiness of few things
--
and the pain of many many things

behind my words there is a calling
read between the lines, can you feel yourself falling

slowly now I feel your wounds healing
I can show you what it is, that feeling

but before I must let you know, I have dusty corners that must be fixed from floor to ceiling.

do you corrupt me
when I walk into the black kitchen
where lovers make other lovers meet
where here we keep the peace
in your house of love and joy
and sweet matromony

do I corrupt you
when I back away in needless nothingness
sayings in where i dont speak
hold my tongue and you would run from the
lions who want your blood on their tongue
branch off into streams and rivers
understand that I am not what you want

that I am not what you want

can I take but 2 subtle moments of your time
to sit in a dress, lace and my legs crossed
my hand movements filter the air
as I begin to wordlessly explain
the happiness in my well of coins
upon broken wishes, life’s affliction
and loves beautiful kisses
the muscles in my neck tighten
as my chest grows heavy with memories

I have grown old within this room
I try to clean with the veins in my wrists
its dusty corners with my witch and lovely broom
come sit, as I boil tea leaves in my old teapot
they have said to me many times, within you
breeds an old soul, and I do feel that energy
living within me

you see, I have been here before
I have cried those tears before
I have felt that love before

I have curled up like a baby
when you did those things to me,
before

I guess I have much to say
much to
convey and ignore

its 6 in the morning and the sun
is just making its way through the sky
and the birds are beginning to speak
in that language that I would die
to understand

I would love to have a bird on
my shoulder right now, feeling
its claws dig into my skin

I stare at my window
and remember all the lovers I left behind
those emotions from which I have resigned
and then a month passed and you lost it
and so did I
the love that we were both unable to find

and you lingering down
I must admit I see how the areas have changed
how it is me you sometimes blame, but
life
life
I just do not feel the same

in the hours that leak down
like children’s tears, candle wax
frail and delicate bones
I grind the surface of my body
in hope of fleeting a greater destruction
within my body
I have been overcome by my sanity
learned blindly how to dispose
of this anarchy

I am breathing now harshly
I am breathing now slowly
my torso opens and I intake everything

and I am finally blooming

incredibly potent female
who’s face is the shape of my empty heart
your empty eyes, sit beside my collar bone
your rich fingers like black crows along my hip
calmly shaped gestures shriek madness
into the night where black haired women
fall in love with the beasts inside
feverish, bitter alcoholic tongues

stand beside each other like two trees
growing in the same forest
re-living those shooting stars
that were never seen

my love is a wild orchid leaking at the mouth at dawn
as hands find ways to place themselves in invisible places
burning beneath dreary midnight skies

terror and rushing silent hearts, something good
I have pranced upon in life meadows
and I find this lingering between those two places
perfection speaks silently
perfection whispers violently

I find worlds to live in
where our windows are portals to the spiritual
and open doors bring in tender wind
violet voices drip beneath the skin
in rich shades of heart fall
leaving imprints of impersonation and
reconstruction on my wall
blinding the unforgiving love of routine
and blue curtains that were hung up last winter
with a smile brushed upon a sad face

living in forests of wild woods and pubescent trees
mock the artificial mind of this city
learn how to be

I am no casting eminence glancing down
breath taking seas, locked in the agony of happiness
and criminal hearts, kissed by a kisser
holding hands tediously as 3 hearts melt into one
like the rain coming down from your roof
and the joy of falling asleep to the sound
of water being absorbed into the ground
recycled, there is something so comforting about it

flower printed walls, and hallmark cards lay around
the smell of coffee stenches the carpet
there is something glorifying about broken bottles in the corner of the bar
perhaps a long night of silent communication
and unbearable looks of quiet knife like stares
piercing-exciting
loving

the souls a wreck
shes coming
or going
and its all uphill from here
but wether it down or up its still a catastophe
and if shes steady going, then where could she possibly be
the bright shines in the late night sky
and its another minute where she forces herself to say goodbye
a tear falling down on to her smile
and she realized that its all her fault
but she knows all this was not meant to be
where is it that your feet walk
when the sun leans beside your shoulder
when the earth eats you alive
and in reality in the back of your head all you want to do is die
but your to scared to admitt it to your frail body
because in that instant you will break
but then you wonder how much of it can i really take
when you wake up everyday singing this is the song of life

tinted poetry
poetic in my own utter for trying to
grasp something that is close
to reaching the sun with my shoulders

my heart touched the sun when It encountered
your reluctant fire.
Nights where I felt as if love would suffocate me
with madness that was to good to be true
and you held me with the veins of your mind
and tugged at me with the strings of your eyes

gripping onto you when we would walk
let it be that everyone knew that you belonged to my hands
and my hands ran over you body
just mine
you took my blue stones
blue stones
and set them on fire with your demonic lips
of shamelessness given to you by your manhood
a kind that was all too good to be true

skin full of color that wasn't there when you where born
a body composed of pure art and gesture
permanently scared
your neck sang
and your pelvis cracked against my hip
when the sand dunes went in too deep
the earth eroded
and our universe collapsed
between our two separate places

and after everything was gone
dead
we breathe
in and out so so
slowly

soft laughter sighs
what are you doing tomorrow like questions
float in the heavy air around us
and all I know for certain
is that
this will end

I will dig into the deepest heap, where we left our subtle reminders
of fishing down by the desert
rose palm
long gone
and all in all
to bring up broken hands
the ones we wave with ,hello
a deep purple kind of yellow
treading torwards the light blue water
before I remember when it wasnt that light
the sun hits my eye's
slumber awakens those cries
that drip drop with my permanent happiness
somewhere
I'm unaware

I curl up into my softest femininity
and then drown myself in thoughts of warm skin
Im hanging off the balcony
the railing pushes into my stomach
and the sharp pain executes my hunger
but only briefly

I scent myself
with myself
and imagine the tasting of the ocean
the burning of salt water
in the eyes
in the wounds
cleanse
deeply into the barren core
suffocated by the surrounding of nothing but air

molecules trangressed
needing freedom
Im trapped in a jail cell
nobody can reach my hands

I have the key
who will persude me
to drench the curtains
rip them from shoulders
my legs
and my back

damp and heavy
forhead creases
cosmic realeses

joyous wonderful
contraversy breeds heavy sighs
between lover and victim


positioned in between the biting of lips
and the thunder of thighs