The more steps I take the more I lose my breath
I try to run but I can’t escape
It’s getting closer I think it’s too late


It caught  me again

My heart starts pounding
My hands start shaking
Nobody can hear me
Nobody can help me

I am so mad that I have to live in a world where
**** jokes are funny
catcalling is normal
touching with no permission is not a big deal
and where boys complain that they have to ask for consent

Sometimes I wish I was living in a big glass house
With no furniture
Just me and my glass house

I wish it was placed in a big forest
With just trees around
Just me, my glass house and a big forest

I wish nobody would visit me
Because I want to be alone
Because I’m tired of being lonely
Just me, my glass house and a big forest
Alone

I wish to die in my glass house
Surrounded by trees
Alone
So nobody could mourn my death

This world was not made for both of us
And I finally realized that we can't just cut off each other's wings all the time
One will have to say goodbye


I hope it's  not going to be me

I want to cry but I don't have any tears left.
I bottled them on and sent them to you hoping you would also shed a tear or two.

It's been a while since we last talked
How have you been? Do you stay hydrated and smile a lot?
I've heard she makes you smile more than I ever did
I'm really glad you found someone better than me

Okay, I won't bother you anymore
You don't have to pick up the phone
Don't call me back, even block my number if you want

Just know that I'm here
Even if that's a bad thing

I'm too tired to think about the concequences of my actions
i don't really care about anything or anyone anymore and i don't know if that's a good or as bad thing if I'm being complety honest.

I used to be such a stupid person - caring about everyone hoping I would get the same thing back.
Knowing that I won't but still believing.
So foolish of me to think that anyone would care about me.

But it's all clear to me now
And I've understood that the best way to hide your feelings is to not have them at all.

So I guess this is the end?
No more laying in your bed. No more kissing in the rain.
I can't even say your name.


I knew it would eventually end. But I didn't expect it would take this turn.
I'm in pain and I am hurt.
I completely lost myself.
I don't know what to do.
I'm afraid I won't get through.

This is scary, this is sad.
I know it's not possible, but I want you back.
Yeah, we used to fight a lot.
But I always knew what's wrong.
Now you left me so confused.

Was it me or was it you?

Because it’s not only “I want to **** myself”
Sometimes it’s so much more than that
Because saying that you want to **** yourself
Or to be
Dead
Is scary

Sometimes it may be sleeping way too much
Or eating less than you should
Or not caring about anything or anyone

Sometimes it’s the need to be alone even though you crave someone so badly
Or staring at a blank wall for an hour
Or not having enough tears left to cry

They say if you wanted to **** yourself you would just do it
But there still is a little bit of hope in my heart
I still believe than someone might help me
But I’m too afraid to ask

It’s so **** stupid
If I have literally nothing to lose
If my life is worth so little to me right now
Why don’t I just try

Its because my brain has already given up
But my heart’s still beating
And it won’t stop until my brain shuts it out

I gave you everything that I could
I pushed all my boundries just to please you
You say that you don't believe I care because I didn't kiss you once?
This is so pathetic even for my standards

You treat me like **** all the ******* time
But you expect me to be yours? This doesn't add up

The saddest part is that I can't let you go
And I won't ever leave you because I'm dumb

The sunlight wakes me up at 10 am, but I’m not even thinking about getting out of bed

It’s just seems so distant, impossible to reach
I know I sound dumb but it ain’t easy for me

Something keeps me nailed to this bed
I can’t move my limbs, I’m ashamed of myself

This has to end now, I can’t live this way
I lie to myself like this
Every
Single
Day

I want to grow old to see how my life will evolve
But at the same time I want to die young so I dont have to look back and wonder how my life would've turnt out if I did the things I never had the courage to do
I want my grandkids to be interested in all the stories I tell
But what If i won't have any?

If I died today, what would I be remebered by?
As the girl who never looked back or a girl who did everything she felt was right?

The stars shine so bright
I bought you the shirt you liked
We danced alone in the dark
I don't think it gets better than that

When the sun hits my window at 6 am
Flowers grow
Birds fly in the air
when I don’t need to borrow his jacket no more
Sweet and soft songs start hitting me slow

Long time no see spring, make yourself at home.

My heart’s so empty
My life’s so dull
My head’s still hurting
My soul’s been through

I don’t feel a thing
Even the pain
Is it a good or a bad thing?

Don’t know what to do
Lost in my own world
Can someone save me?
I’m about to drown

This is just pure madness.
He's the one I should love.
You'll break my heart and I know this!
I knew about it from the start.

You ignore me for days
And I start to go insane
I catch myself looking at my phone hoping you would text me way more than I should
I try to convince mysef that you're the bad guy and It's not my fault
But it's not that easy when I love you with all of my heart and soul

You don't appreciate me at all
You can't bother to pick up the phone
You hug me only when you need to feel loved
I start to think you don't even LIKE me at all

But wait, you get mad when I don't have the time?
When I'm too tired to kiss you goodbye?
When I put myself first, even  before you?

How dare you
I don't know why I let you call me your Boo

My heart has been yours since the day we met
You took it by storm, I had no time to protect it
I loved you with every single bone in my body
You told me we're fine, you told me not to worry

I knew I should've run
Should've left as soon as it hit me
That you'll never change, even for me

I still hope we'll be fine, just as you promised
But I'm tired of hearing your screams when I'm just being honest

I loved you with every bone in my body
And believe me when I say I tried not to worry

But I have this question stuck in my head
"How much a heart can hold before it breaks?"

If you were to die today the clouds won't turn grey
The news won't mourn your death
Nothing will happen to the book store you love
And "The night we met" still will be our favourite song

Only a few people will notice you're gone
My brother will still travel to Paris in a few years if he passes his exam
Nothing will really change that much
Everyone will forget your touch


BUT MY clouds will start to rain
MY BRAIN will always mourn your name
'The night we met" will make ME CRY
And the book store you love will shut down IN MY mind

I'M THE ONE who's world will collapse
Who cares about others?
I only cared about YOUR TOUCH

You were my world
Now I don't want to live on this planet anymore

I’m so sorry
You don’t deserve this
All you did was make me happy
You never hurt me

I’m so sorry I’m like this
But my life is messed up
I don’t want to drag you with me into the dark

You will never understand how sorry I am
And how much I miss you
But please, believe me, I did this to protect you

I love you
And I always will
I’ll never forget the way you made me feel

You made me so happy
Now I’m so sad
Because I no longer have you by my side

Someday you’ll understand that you’re better without me
And that all I did was hurt you with all of my sadness

I’m so sorry my demons got the best of me
I wanted to end this before I mess up so bad
That you’ll never want me back

I still hope one day we’ll end up together
Like in our plans
But I also want you to be with someone who will treat you better


I'm sick
And I’m sorry

I wanted to help, and you know that I did
But you wouldn't let me in
You just wouldn't open up
You didn't want me to break your heart.

Or maybe that was to protect me?
Hide me somewhere your demons won't bite
But if you're falling, just know i'll catch you
I'm not afraid, even of your darkest parts

Flowers will grow faster than ever
I will finally appriciate the weather
The wind won't call  your name

I will be happy and I will smile
I'll catch up with my friends because I haven't seen them in a while
The series we used to watch together will make me bored, so I'll turn it off and listen to the playlist I didn't get to send you

Everything will be alright
I will want to live my life
Everything won't be so gray
I will even forget your name

I WILL be happy and I WILL smile

I just need to stop loving you. I need to forget your eyes.

Why do I keep trying so ******* hard to change you
I'm not the one who made you
I can't pull all your parts out and put them in the correct place
I can't teach you how to hurt me less
I thought that I could fix you with my love
You made me think I'm the one who should fix all your flaws

The world ***** but I'll stay by your side as I promised when you said you want to be forever mine.
Just know that I'm really trying not to give up,
The love you give me - I hope it's enough for me to wake up
because you're the only reason I still even try, and I'm sorry I'm so hard to be kept alive

I’m sorry
I can’t help you
I tried
Can’t get through

Honestly, *******
I know I'd be better without you
You're just breaking my heart,
and the worst part is
I knew it would be like this from the start

With tears in my eyes I begged you to stay
stay by my side for how long it will take

take me to get on my own feet
and hold my head high

but all you did was walk away without a goodbye

I can't keep trying to make you love me
I'm so tired
It's like a job and I'm not even getting paid

I do everything to make you happy
I do everything to please you
I've changed myself completly
For you

You make me feel like I'm

w o r t h l e s s

You say you care
You ask for another chance
You say that you'll change
You say that you need me

And what do I do?

S t a y

I'll never get away from you.

Even tho things did not end up well
I still go back to the moments we shared
If I could I would go back in time
and fix what was broken in between us

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you
you deserved better, and now you do what you said you would do

By this I mean that you're happy without me
I'm glad you're smiling, even if it's not caused by me.

I laugh once
And everyone thinks I'm happy
I have a good day
And everyone thinks I'm okay
I don't cry for one night
And everyone thinks I'm alright

There is a big difference
Between being happy
And being discracted form your sadness

We're so toxic
Yet so good
We do everything we shouldn't do
We make the rules
And then we break them

So much love
But so much anger
We do everything we shouldn't do
We're not meant to be and we both know it's true

But yet we're here
Still going strong
Making each other feel so low

We should've ended this so many times
But being apart hurts even more
Than just pure hatred

And as the wind blows through my hair I hear your voice calling my name.
I walk down the road we used to go together and I listen to the playlist you made me to feel better.
Every song I hear reminds me of you. Every word that goes into my ear makes my heart break in two.

It hurts to have both of my headphones singing me songs that we used to listen to, so I take one out and imagine you're sitting next to me and taking it, while I get closer to you.

The wind blows gently on my nose.
I don't want to hear your voice.

Sometimes I wonder if what I'm feeling is happiness or just being less sad
Because I forgot what happy means
It's like happiness is my uncle that I see only once a year on christmas and I only say hi because I'm to scared to star a conversation because I wouldn't know what to talk about

How do I talk to a person I have nothing in common with and
why am I supposed to be the one to start the conversation?

I can't wrap my head around the fact that some poeple are mentally stable and just go about their day when they wake up without crying after the alarm rings
Why can't I be one of them?

When I was younger my parents would read me stories about magic and fairies. They told me it's not real but I still wanted to believe.
Now when people tell me it's going to get better I just stuff these words where the memories of me wanting to be a fairy are

Far away
Because I am no longer a child
and I don't believe in something that doesn't exist

I know my head is messed up, and honey I’m so sorry for that
I’m sorry you have to see me that way, that’s why I’m going to say what I have to say.

Even tho my life *****
Depression could leave me for once
Tears could crawl back into my eyes
And anxiety could just stop

You make me feel like I’m worth something I’m not
And I cannot thank you enough for everything that you’ve done
without even knowing you’re saving my life
Just know that you’re my sun
I love you to the moon and back

I thought my ears will forever forget the sound of your voice
But accidents happen
And now I no longer know what to believe
I used to think that when the day we meet finally comes I will be scared shitless not knowing what to do

But I am calm now
Because when I think of the things you did to me I realise that you were just a lesson
A tough one, I must admit but I learned a lot
And I hope you did too

Farwell, old friend
This time for good
Because I no longer am your student

Our love was not the one at first sight as it is in books
At first we hated each other but one conversation was all it took to get me intedrestet in who you are
We talked and we talked and we talked and talked
We grew strong togheter, made each other feel loved,
We worked and we worked we worked and worked
Hard work is not always worth it though

So glad it paid out
Best reward in the whole world

I just feel dizy
Where all the time go
Nothing is logical and I've lot the sense of purpose
And even though
I'm still a human
My body makes me feel like I'm just a reject
Reject of stars
Reject of life
Nothing  is logical and I've lost the sense of purpose
My body's flying
But I stay put down
Is this really the end of my existance?

I was so broken
So broken that I let myself believe
That the love you gave me
Or - the lack of it
Was what I deserved
That it's supposed to be like this
Because love always hurts

Right?

I guess I'll never be okay
with the way you look at her
With the way you touch her skin
With the way she makes you feel
And it makes me sick inside
When I think that you'll never be mine
Because we both know it's true

But you're happy
And she makes you smile
And that's all I care about

You made me yours.
But you don't want to be mine
You waste all my time by telling me lies
Where is this love you say you have for me?
Do you really want me to get on my knees and dig to find it?
Do you want me to travel the world?
Do you want me to study all the books that my library owns?
Do I really need to beg you to need me?

Stop lying.
Just tell me that you don't care so I can get up and leave.

Who am I even kidding right now?
YOU made me YOURS
But you'll never be mine

All these poems we write about this one specific person.... endless words, endless hope.
Endless dissapointment.