I don’t think you understand,
because I don’t, this wasn’t what I planned.
So I’m wondering how you can understand, when I don’t.
I won’t lose myself loving you, I won’t.
You’ve got me feeling too many different things,
got me contemplating cutting our tethered strings.
Falling in love has me tripping
over my own two feet? Maybe. All I know is I’m slipping
face first into this tangled mess
and now guilt eats at me as I slip from your arms half dressed
in the mornings when all I want is to escape,
wishing I was Wonder Woman with that red cape.
I slip away, but it hurts-
but I’ve seen it; my family, we’re cursed.
Concerning love, we’ve had no luck
I can’t lose you, so I’m labeling us a causal ****.
I hear you yelling now that you know my reasons,
promising our love could survive even the coldest season.
But how can he be so sure?
Doubts plague me as I slip toward his front door,
because love didn’t come with a brochure.
I hear you figuring aloud that I don’t love you enough.
You come to the conclusion,
“if this is how you feel, then I’ll set you free”
I got in my car, driving around till the clouds were dark and the clock said three.
Your words had been like knives,
but then I started thinking about my dad’s four wives.
My brain’s all jumbled,
it’s like there was one second left, I was on the one yard line, and I fumbled.
Is the risk worth it?
Could my heart even take the hit?
When I got home, in the dark I saw you standing
my heart was demanding
that I make my way over to you
but my brain said these feelings needed to be subdued.
I heard you say “I love you too much to set you free”
It was then when I looked in your eyes, love was all I could truly see.
My scalp tingled in realization,
as I floated toward you with some type of natural gravitation.
My heart had already taken the risk, without permission
and that’s when I mumbled my belated admission;
“I love you too and I’ll take my chances,”
My brain finally conceded to your romantic advances.
But really, truth was, I’d been under an illusion
because our love had always been a foregone conclusion.

Take a deep breath,
see the pain was just a catch.
This ship has yet to sail,
so just exhale.
You might think your heart’s mangled,
your throat’s so raw from screaming, it’s like you’ve been strangled.
Fists clenched,
hair drenched,
mascara so far down your cheeks
it appears in muddled black streaks.
See you put your heart in the palm of his hands
thinking to yourself, “the rest of the world be ******”
so sure taking care of it was what he planned.
Two feet in,
love rolled out, seeking you like a bowling ball and you the pin.
You never stood a chance,
this love was a “Bad Romance”
but that song didn’t forewarn
that there was nothing like his scorn.
You wanted his ugly parts, but not this
for it was seeping into your every shared kiss.
But, take solace in this,
the fact that you’ll experience a bigger, real kind of bliss.
This pain will fade,
you’ll meet someone who doesn’t use his words as a blade.
These wounds will heal,
and you’ll start to feel
new things; a new start
in this book of life, you’ll realize this hurt was just a small part.
Next time, a man’s fists won’t hurt, they’ll mend.
His words won’t aim to tear you down, but for you they’ll defend.
Your hair will be drenched, not from a fight in the rain, but from a shower shared.
Your mascara will be spared.
Your heart will stay steadily beating,
for this time his love won’t be fleeting.
It’ll be with him, that ship will sail
and hand in hand you’ll both prevail.
So take a deep breath; exhale.
Use this knowledge to your avail.
Stop making excuses
for these healing and newly formed bruises.
Stop fighting him, and start fighting for YOU
it’s time for your beautiful beginning; for you to start anew.
Leave the hurt and the heavy weight on your shoulders behind
for even though this is only a poem you’ll find
that you now understand,
the risk that’s at hand.
Realize what you deserve,
show him that he’s not someone you serve.
Know your worth,
and know you’ve been destined for so much more than this since birth.

We want to love and be loved.
Take a step toward the edge and be shoved
into the abyss, with no direction
palms up, heavy heart a beating, up for inspection.
Is it enough? Is love enough?
Will it survive if we both storm off in a huff
of annoyance because we just can’t take it;
real question is, can our hearts take the hit?
Cause we’re gonna hurt each other,
but it is after the rain you get to see the rainbow’s beautiful colors.
So when our hearts are breaking,
and our legs seem to be quaking
with every step we take,
will we give up and hit the brakes?
We want to love and be loved,
take a step toward the edge and be shoved.
This love’s unpredictable,
farthest thing from typical.
We don’t complete one another, we complement each other.
Each day something new about one another we discover.
Before you my heart had bled,
its old fears it had to shed,
to be born new,
to be able to take this chance on you.

Believe me when I say,
I never thought it’d work out this way.
You fell in love with me,
with something more than what you could see,
or that’s what you told me.
You’ve always said I was an open book,
and when you first told me that I made you promise not to look.
I want to be kept a mystery,
be more than the girls in your history.
You were always kind of a dream,
and had a way of tearing me apart at the seams.
It was a push and pull,
but my heart had never before felt so full.
I never thought it’d happen,
so a few fights wouldn’t dampen
my love for you
because we both knew the feelings were true.
Falling in love wasn’t something we planned,
but our instant attraction was everything but bland.
So I may not have thought we were ever possible,
but at night when you whisper those three words, barely audible,
I know my wildest dream came true
and it was forever having you.

I thought you’d be easy to forget,
but I still haven’t accomplished it yet.
See, the cigarette smoke didn’t flush you from my lungs,
like I hoped it would
because it seemed you were a part of every breath I took.
You had consumed every part of me,
and the alcohol didn’t wipe your name from my memory.
I wanted so desperately to forget; I still do
because the days are becoming harder to get through.
I wanted the burn of the alcohol that settled in my throat,
to form a protective coat
so that anytime I said your name,
all I remembered was that you were to blame.
I want your name to only remind me of the bad memories
because I’m slowly losing what’s left of me.
I wanted something so different for us,
but I didn’t account on you breaking my trust.
So now I’m desperately trying to forget,
the good, the bad, the moments I did nothing but fret;
about you, me, us
and what was supposed to be unbreakable trust.
For now I’ll keep looking for something that’ll work,
something that will temporarily numb the hurt.