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kaycog Mar 2018
You walk with your head down
I follow with my eyes closed
I think my happiness produces a sound
10w
kaycog Nov 2014
10w
You taste like burned chocolate because sweet things fade first
kaycog Dec 2014
I don't need you to tell me I have value
kaycog Dec 2014
I loved you more each day so I stopped counting
kaycog Dec 2014
One minute I was fine
Then I just stopped breathing
kaycog Apr 2018
As usual, I am getting over you like a cold
kaycog Jan 2021
You are more real than a Friday that never comes
kaycog Jul 2016
How many hearts do I have to break before I feel complete?
kaycog Jul 2016
I don't know
What's running faster
My heart
Or mind
kaycog Jan 2015
love starts out as snow flurries then turns into blizzards
kaycog Dec 2014
Would you believe me if I said I was okay?
kaycog Dec 2014
I am sorry for the words that I clipped short
kaycog Jun 2018
I used to have trouble falling asleep,
but now I'm far too tired to
care.
kaycog Mar 2017
trap me in a song
or perhaps a simple note
scrawl down love for me
kaycog Nov 2014
I don't care what you have to say
as long as you say it to the right person this time
42
kaycog Feb 2017
42
I believe its possible
to always get what you want
The secret is changing what you desire.
kaycog May 2018
I drink an awful lot of caffeine
for a girl who stands five foot one on a good day, and yet,
I still don't have the energy to put up with you
757
kaycog May 9
757
I told a boy that sometimes
I like to watch a rom com
Or play sad alternative music
And have a good cry
Sometimes I just want to feel something
He hugged me and asked if I was okay
Two hours later he ended things
And sited the girl with the red silk sheets
If I had known
It would have always been no
But I’ll play another rom com
And turn up the music
And cry alone in my room
Not over a boy
But over the boy
kaycog Oct 2014
8:02
It was the time that I thought of you
Your laugh, your smile
Its all so cliche

8:05
And now my mind is raging
I miss you, I need you
If just for a day

8:07
Now my soul is aching
My heart is screaming, its breaking
I'm falling apart in every way
kaycog Dec 2018
She falls asleep
with make up pressed from eyes, and lips, and skin
transferring to a pillow
lashes upon her being
lacking its protectionist layer
file a lawsuit
missing it’s case
she didn't care

(How much can it hold?)
Lawyers won’t take
chances on a basket case
And parents follow suit
She only woke twice that night
In case you want to know
abstract dreamers can't take form
when visionaries lock them in silent nights
Suit yourselves
kaycog Mar 2017
I never knew what went on in that house
behind that perfect fenced-in yard
Maybe they sneaked out at night, to paint over the dead
Every day, without fail, it was a family effort you see
I swear they cut grass blades with sharp kitchen scissors
Spreading love, fertilizing an ever thirsty lawn
I never saw the weeds, the mushrooms that would grow
slowly, unnoticed, until the pesky invaders overpowered the green
And yet, the metal wire still outlines the property
kaycog Sep 2018
I just want you to know that someone loves me, even if it isn’t me right now.
kaycog Aug 2020
I turned right
And she was left
But we grew up
Down the same cul de sac
kaycog Dec 2019
the boy sat in the grass
stars of old talked down to him
whispering into the night
"your existence is necessary"
palms pressing into the earth
he looked back up into the void and pleaded
"but is my purpose futile?"
a polite protest
the stars twinkled in response
kaycog May 2018
Take a sip
Lean back casually
Open arms
Lazy smile of warm complacency
Allow eyes to dance captivating
Enough to cloak the cracks to the left
Focus on my pleasantries
If I pay them no mind it will be enough
Outsiders drift attention
No no no don’t look behind the curtain
Ask me another question I don’t care enough to craft a real answer
Two ears for a reason
conversations to follow
Face forward failing to distract
Another church scene ruined
The crowd thins
Voices of hysteria rise
Broken
Judgement
Take another sip
I’ve lost count
kaycog Apr 2017
when things started going south
I told him as often as I could
how amazing I thought he was
thinking he would want to return
to someone who would choose him over the world
but the problem was
he wasn't amazing
yet he kept reaching me
drinking up my compliments
in those night hours of depression
where he felt sorry for himself
and I was desperately there
clinging to the hope that he would come back
if I continued to pour my everything into him
the days were the worst
because I couldn't even pretend
that our relationship would mend itself
until evening came
and he would need me
to stroke his ever fragile male ego
however, it was my fault for obliging
I would weaken myself to hear his voice
how dare he tell me
that I looked pretty crying
as he crushed the heart he promised never to hurt
how dare he re-confess his feelings
and say he wants nothing to do with me
in the same amazing sentence
kaycog Oct 2018
everybody visits.
come
sit
join me under the breezeway
isn't the sunset lovely?
stay for a while, I'll pull up an extra chair
lazy smiles
Sunday vibes
our feet kicked up and arms thrown back
they beam
"Oh, I could stay here forever!"
but they don't
and the sun progressively dips
reclining behind our vantage point
the other side of the mountains
and they go to follow it
Leaving me with the dusk and my thoughts until the next day comes with it’s slew of visitors
kaycog Sep 2018
his isolation was over-won by desperation
and he couldn't fit in, instead to conform
he tried to stand out
the outcast, alone.

they laughed, the feared, they snickered
"I'm going to drop kick him," one said
a mouth once full of praise now
barring teeth that housed a two-sided tongue.
kaycog Jun 2018
my body is deteriorating
faster than my thoughts of you
kaycog Dec 2018
college applications asked for essays on a single word
my sister chose "is" and I forgot
I wonder which word would have led to my acceptance

described as smart, witty, sharp
Mrs. Hobbs said to never use "very" as an adverb
she was very right.
kaycog Jun 2017
And maybe I'm vain
But to me it's just love
Cause I'll take what I can get
You don't mean it, it's enough
kaycog Nov 2014
Ok just...
stop
take a second to...
breathe
close your eyes for an instant...
blink
count the numbers in you head one to...
ten
release the tension, unclench...
hands
get rid of the...
hate
...just ok
kaycog Apr 2018
Put me on your pedestal
my white knight, saving grace
lead with sinful condemnation
cast out with lustful adoration
but at least if I'm objectified
I would be somebody's prize
kaycog Dec 2016
We are two halves of a broken heart
but we belong to different donors
kaycog Nov 2016
Don't get into that car I scream
But I am trapped on the opposite side
of plastic window panes
Don't take her away
she's barely sixteen
all alone this time
(God, I'm glad its not me)
Don't get into that car I whisper
to a black Toyota Camry
sitting in the street
waiting, just waiting
for its quarterly visit
Don't get into that car I exclaim
to a black and white bumper sticker
that says "read" in chunky (ironic) block letters
Don't get into that car I choke out
to the four wheeled death trap
that takes away my sister
on an eight hour journey
back to childhood misery
that I myself
have only just aged out of
Don't get into the car I say
to the exhaust that's left in my sister's
wake.
(knowing it will make no difference)
She's gone.
kaycog Apr 2018
I toe lines that I probably shouldn't
drawn into the sand
my soles are burning
rubber melts to the ground
on which I stand
stride or step
I cross over
every time.
kaycog May 2017
damp hair hits goose bump shoulders
perched in the middle
crossed leg sitting
two comforters can't keep company
rain lost to headphones
rest's reign in protest
lulls of forbidden silence
bare skin bears reality
fighting secret demons in the dark
achy joints weighed down
on a queen sized mattress  
gravity has more pull than sleep
is it lightning or digital clocks that
strobe white flashes?
kaycog Jun 2016
I've read about blue eyes
Compared to:
Light,
Gemstones,
Water,
But dear lord I did not know
That he inspired them all
And he has no idea how beautiful he is
kaycog Nov 2014
I am a kaleidoscope of color
Refracting spectrums of images
kaycog Apr 2018
You know,
some days I just feel
alone and fat
Today was one of those days.
kaycog Jun 2016
My insides melt like swirling colors on a palate
Forcing blues to mar yellows, a change in their nature
Who churn out forests of growing worry green

It hurts, I swear, this sea-sick array
Makes a fool out of me and an icon out of you
These patterns were fine until you added your streak
Now you peel back layers as I brush off the pain(t)
kaycog Aug 2020
Crystal eyes
When water swells
from tear duct wells
Spring in cyan blue
Grey remnants of the last
Few black mournings
lost in ash, tarnished
used.
kaycog Aug 2018
I wear sunglasses during thunderstorms in a vain attempt to protest the weather
I might as well be colorblind for the way I see the world
Snapping photos with no understanding of shutter speed and lenses yet still capturing it all
It’s a lie when I tell you I’m quiet and I really just like listening as you talk
I care but without telling stories of my own the love is never really there
At times I fold in on myself
But when you truly see me, I am vibrant in my efforts
Though tragically living
for the attention of strangers
I will move for your affection
jump with a flick of your wrist and fall at the jolt of your chin to the beat
Enthralled in a hopeless attempt at rhythm but I will dance and swing because I love it and then debate my independence or selftitled complacence
Walk the rope of possibilities not a choice but a misstep to guide my momentum into whatever chapter comes next
Scared of silly things like truck drivers or dying or whatever
Thinking outside the box is hard when you spend your days in a room full of cubes
I find my creativity stifled by the human need for sleep and yet here I am giving 50 percent at everything all the time never less, BE MORE
That’s not quite enough, but hey, it’s a start
kaycog Nov 2016
Dream big
You're determination with no talent
Home free
If you could only catch one break
A high-flyer
Don't drink it up
You're lactose intolerant
a drop out
Can't milk this charade
kaycog May 2017
external stand alone thoughts suppressed
in hidden chambers
while two lungs compress
themselves into misshapen vases
where the pressure comes not from above
but growing in various amounts, needless
attacking slowly through angles
worming its way up through my skin
heart strings embroidered into an array
of emptiness finally drawn out
****** to the surface, the internal exposed
suddenly gone
only to inhale again.
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