Her face, flawless and filtered, flows over
my chest, ribs, stomach, hips, fitting the curved
mounds of my body, and even within simplicity
of thread and dye, I sense her presence as her face
hangs from my frame, a statement louder than pillow-lips,
Nancy Sinatra-hair and a glamorous 60’s ***** face.

When paired with leggings and an artfully-distressed denim jacket,
I become a member of the “freshman generation of degenerate
beauty queens,” a hipster fallen to the circumstance of youth,
but I wear her face and the romance of it all reminds me:
we are not defined as Lolitas lost in the hood, or distant,
airy voices in a sea of crude jokes and half-baked skits

meant to highlight shortcomings of a person who doesn’t give
two *****. Lana fits me better than my ribbed, red
sweater and even amidst gods and monsters,
this T-shirt makes pretty last, and I am just as cool.

You were an architect to my fears
Knew the walls that would cave in on me
the corners I sought shelter in
Built cathedrals out of my vices
Monuments for my shortcomings
Raised cities, lined the streets with my body
Named the neighborhoods after the parts of me
I wished to forget
All the good in me is timber inside a burning building
Making ashes of the man I once took pride in being,
You hold all the blueprints,
Know my alleyways and sewers,
The backstreets and corners that make my chest,
I have no more steel to make this foundation stable again.

You wanted madness, chaos, rush, desire;
You touched all, from close enough, to get addicted
You desired more, you desired lust;
You went ahead grabbed it, as it was your right
You kept on being greedy;
You made it into a companionship
You got love, chaos, madness, lust, companionship;
But then you didn't have the desire left
You had to leave
You had to hurt
You had to separate
And she had to move on

i can't make you love me
and it pains me to admit
no matter how many times
i pleasure you
or touch you
it couldn't possibly help
i despise how obvious it is
that i am constantly savoring
your every kiss
memorizing your lips
and how they fit mine
just right
gazing into your eyes
until everything turns hazel
stroking your rough skin
and learning the landmarks
of your exterior surface
please just stay prisoner
in my bed
just wish i could look into
your mind
to know what you truly think
of me
and us
but how can i expect you
to love me
when i can't even
love myself

you know what,
at one point
he probably did
love you back
but he was just
a boy
lacking courage,
inferior to pride,
silent of words,
and
stagnant with change,
both too afraid
to embark on opportunity,
to embrace life.
so life flew by
and together you died
while alone
you lived.

that moment I first saw you
I knew I was in trouble
you were too handsome
far too smart and too sweet
I knew I was in denial
you said these words to me
that compelled me to fall for you
lies probably
but I listened anyway
knowing this could be fiction
but hoping it was the truth
ever since you left
I have realized that I miss you
ever since you left
I look for you everywhere I go
and ever since you left
you cannot escape my mind
I was told to stop looking
so I did
then you appeared
and I told myself
that I wasn't looking for you
but maybe I was
and maybe you fooled me
into thinking I was special
rare and wonderful
did you mean that at all
now I don't think so
I am stuck on you
already
and it scares me intensely
all my options seem wrong
I cannot leave you
but I cannot stay
when you held me that first night
I knew I would never let that feeling go
when you stared into my eyes
and asked me
"what are you thinking about?"
I knew I couldn't tell you
because I would look like a fool to say
"you"