Almost a year later,
I still wish I
hadn't lost my focus.

I let the
Lens focus
on the wrong things,

In the wrong places,
And it’s all just a
mess.

An accidental shutter,
Now the picture's
faded, and

It's hard for me to
discover what life’s
meant to be

When it’s just me

Out in this vast,
dark world,
feeling lonely.

Burning out,
Just like a dying star,

Feeling temporary,
I'm barely
holding on.

Just being alive
doesn’t feel alright.

Feeling out of place
and overexposed,

Just like the
Polaroid on my chest.

Looking at the smiles,
A bittersweet moment,

A moment in which
I hope I don’t regress.

I know it’s hard to progress,

And I know I just need
to convince myself and
trust the process.

I know this won’t
last forever.

Photos capture
moments,
And I must remember

This isn't the end
of my chapter.

The world moves forward,
and moments last forever,
and hurt is only temporary.

Lay the first strike
Because you just
Want to cause a scene

Once so gentle, serene
You kept taking my
Energy  

Taking all the weight
Pushing on my shoulders
You kept on crushing
Me

I don’t know who
Gets to suffer worst

Because I'm out of breath
And I'm nowhere near first

And where are you?
You’re nowhere to be seen

You’re hiding,
Complacent, living like

Everyone owns you
Every explanation

Even if you
Never gave them  
Anything in return

Simmer down,
Because karma’s  
Gonna get you first

Treat people without  
their worth

And they’ll be the ones
To leave you first

So lay the first strike,
I don’t wanna hear  
Any of it  

You’ve taken my energy,
But not everything
Is gone,  
and ripped in pieces

Simmer down
Because karma’s
A silent enemy,
That doesn’t
Give up, no.

Lift the needle
From the record

It's time we
Settle this

Because if
We keep playing
The music we
Call life

The grooves
Will distort

And I'll be
Stuck

Scratched and
Endlessly spinning
On track four

Aching, and yearning
to progress
My way past you

I seek to find
My way

To a new track,
Titled
'A New State of
Mind'

But I can't
Seem to get
Out of this
Current state

(You played me
This time)

Not knowing
how to stop

I'm stuck in a
Loop

Forever stuck on replay

(I just want a
Day

Where I'm not
Dying inside

I just want to
Be fine today)

The diamond needle
Digs deeper

In the grooves
Making the vinyl
Weaker

And all that's left
Is a shell of myself
In this preserved state

Lift the needle
From the record

I'm tired of being
Played on a broken
Speaker

Void in a world
Where everyone is
At their own throats

Tearing each other
Apart, visualizing

That
They're the only
One that's suffered

And you're the
One crying

In a twist, they
Twist and take
The knife

And stab
Themselves
Right back

They just want
To see who
Can bleed more

And see
If you come
Running back

With your
Heart

Bruised and
Under attack

You try to lift
yourself up

But you forgot
How to feel

And you've reached
critical mass

You just
want to break down

From all
the surroundings

And what
brought you hell

Don't let them get closer

Because
You can't be too careful
Anymore

Tell me,
When did
Life get so heavy?

October, fall
Into the cold
Catacombs of winter

A tumultuous spring
That lead to
A searing summer

Seems everything
Around me is on fire

And I'm waiting
For someone
To douse the flames

And shake me
From this fever

I wonder
When the tides
Will change

Because I don't
Know how much
I can take

When I'm only living
Just to survive

It's like someone hit pause
And now I'm on life support,
Barely alive.

there is chemistry
in everything

even love
and loss

has purpose
and meaning

it was no accident
(maybe it wasn't
meant to be)

the bond
tried to hold

but a guilty
conscious lead
to a total collapse

and you never
fully recovered

it's wishful thinking
thinking of
keepsake memories

always fearful
of what's to come,
maker of misery

there is chemistry
in everything

even hopeless lovers
can find their peace

maybe one day
you'll learn
to live

maybe one day
you'll make amends

but for now

you've got to
stop living
in the shadows
and forgive

don't let your
past regrets
seal your fate

forgive yourself
before it's too
late

that's enough

i just want to
see you run

visions of you
haunt

and i keep running
into this curse

so vague,
so much pain

it juts gets
so much worse

holding our
memories
in vain

i'm left,
stuck in
the rain

and my heart
now breaks

swept, carried
away

into the ground
where you won't
see me again

that's enough

i've had enough
of the worst

so vague,
just
stay away

holding your memories
holding my pain.
i'm throwing it back.

it's yours to claim.

Just got robbed another time,
And I
Wish it was something as simple,
As someone taking my bike.

But life throws me
for a loop

I'm a f-ck up
And I'd like to just
for once, die

I'm a train-wreck
About to lose it
Near platform five
and Self-Pity Avenue

Someone get on the phone,
And tell them what I've done,
Because only others can
tell my story

Take out all the fun,
and leave me staring at
the sun.

I'm a f-ck up,
I know **** well
What I've done.

I'm not dead and
gone.

Roll the cameras,
3, 2, 1
Fade to white

Pan to the right,
And now I'm in sight

Read the paper today
And
The report says
I'm a wreck

What's new, today?

Interrogated again,
They asked me some
questions and took
some photographs

Long story short,
i was truly f-cked.

Looking almost gaunt,
I'm looking around,
And everyone's looking at me

(Am I alright?)

It seems they
Better call the doc

Because they just captured
The day I almost went dark.

Believe me when I say this,
I've seen better days,
and this isn't it.
Not by a long-shot.

And so, I end up
flipping through
the pages and I

See the reckless
Behaviors and antics

The hospital stays,
Complete and total
havoc

I'm tired of it all,
and it's all
So f-ckin' tragic.

Used to be up at 4 a.m.
Kept myself going

Hyped up on hard drugs
And ramped up in overdrive.
Not even wanting to quit.

Now I'm up at night,
******, one habit to the next
And all I do is cry.

I'm a mess, I'm a wreck
And sometimes, I just want to die

But today,
Just for you

I'd like to, for once
Stay alive, not give up,
and try, honestly

When I woke up,
From this fever dream
It still felt like yesterday.

Drinking coffee,
Looking up to the sky

And smoking
happy little cigarettes

You still haunt me,

It’s true.

Maybe one day,
I’ll stop living
Under you

Stressed, another ****
Summertime vibes, and
I’m feeling low.

I don’t know
What to do.

Maybe one day,
I’ll stop living
Under you.

I can’t tell,
What’s up
From down

And the people
Around
don’t understand
Or how it’s come to

There are days,
Where I feel numb

And there are days,
When I feel alone

I hope one day,
I’ll get out
From under you.

Rose-tinted lenses
Have you lost your senses?

Watching on
projector lenses

Memories,
once vivid and clear

Now muddled,
from years

Of damage done

You lost your senses
This time around.

But you’re not
One and done.

Remember when
You convinced yourself

To live in the now?

(Here is now,
Now is never tomorrow)

But life threw you down,
And consequences lead to reality

You ended up stuck
in the past year

Lured in by promises
That allured to failures

(Forgive yourself for once
And be your own savior)

You feel the
tensions surround,
And you’re backed
In a corner

Your eyes see red,
The lights go out,
Another page-turner.

Welcome to the start
Of a world war
Never won

You come to and
Hide in the battlefield
Afraid to say your goodbyes

Afraid to ****, or be killed
Once protected, now vulnerable

And still
Your heart grows cold,
Hard like steel.

You want to claw
Out of the trenches
But you’re too scared
To lose.

But you know,
In order to outrun your demons,
You’ve gotta outrun them, too.

Build up those walls
No one's gonna
Break 'em down

You'll do just fine
By yourself

You were so preoccupied
That you failed to see
The enemy inside

It's like the lights
Simply went out
And you blacked out

You bit the hand
That fed you

You lit a match
And burned it
All down to the ground

When the smoke cleared
You soon found out
It was more you
Could handle

And you broke
All the way down

So build up those walls

You'll do just fine,
Breaking them down.

When it's all over with,
No one's gonna be around.

losing a significant other
is like someone
losing their own life

you separate from
mind, body, and soul

Nobody helps you,
And it's like being stuck
in permafrost

Your spirit ends up lost,
Clinging to nobody
And you grow
weary and tired

Because you're sick
of the same old story.

It's like going through
the five stages of grief

But it's never in order, completely.

There's denial,
Anger and bargaining
with yourself.

Convincing yourself
And others,
That it's alright

But alone,
you suffer in silence
And are at one with
depression.

After some semblance,
Life lessons, trials and
tribulations, you desire
hope and acceptance

But today isn't your day,
And the chain of emotions sway.

Just like the pendulum on a
grandfather clock

You swing back and forth,
Hoping that time
just stops.

are you listening?

can you hear me?

can you hear,
can you see
what's going on
around us?

Do you hear the sirens
that are going off
in every direction?

Everyone is leaving,
Everyone except you.

For you,
the sirens
fall on deaf ears

and you stay,
right where you are
watching the disaster unfold, in awe

The embers begin to flick and flare out
travelling down this stretch of road

and here you are, without a care
Blissfully unaware, the fire
is already taking hold in this town.

can you hear me? are you listening now?

You feel a tug of the arm,
Signaling it's time to go.

your reluctance is telling
But you know you can't stay.

You know that
you have to go.

Memories last forever.

But for you,
You know
the hardest part

Is starting over.

One year since your passing,
I didn't know I still wasn't ready to say goodbye.

Unlike the other lives lost in years past,
Yours cut me deeper than the rest.

Like watching an older version of myself,
Carry out a wish I could never fully attempt,
It left me mortified, scared I may follow in your footsteps.

Months later, dreams came and went.
I'd often wake up, wondering why I'd envision myself
Jumping off the Eads Bridge.

I never thought I'd be having these thoughts again.

They say history repeats itself.
But I promise you: I won't repeat the same mistakes.
I won't become a part of the past.

The months fly by,
And my heart longs
for your touch again

Something as basic
As human interaction,
Now gone right before our eyes.

Hindered by a pandemic
We try our best
To keep each other safe
and to keep each other alive.

It's like our life is playing by like
A movie on the screen.

Separated by choice,
Out of necessity,
We fight to stay alive,
In a world taken over by the virus.

The pain cuts through every day,
And I fight hard to rise above the waters.

It's getting harder to stay away from you.

My heart still longs for you after all this time.
And I miss you terribly.

I understand we must stay apart for now,
But I don't know how long I can last.

My emotions are like a sinking ship.
I'm fighting to stay afloat.

Without you, I'm doing the best I can,
To keep me from drowning in this sea of despair.

Just when I think I left the past behind,
My demons finally caught up to me.

Self-destructive tendencies,
Manic, mental, inability
To overcome this disease that plagues me.

It's cyclical,
It's haunting,
And it's exhausting.

I want to feel whole again.
I want to be happy.
I want to feel okay again.

I don't want to head down this road once more.

It seems I'm following a self-fulfilling prophecy,
Because all I seem to do is crave a substance,
That I know will only bring temporary happiness.

Dear Diary, I'm here to say,
I'm back once again, my thoughts in disarray.

I promise I'm trying.

I'm trying to overcome this years-long battle.

Dear Diary, I have to be honest with myself,
And honest with others,
Otherwise, what's to say I am trying to get better?

This writing is a testament, a statement,
A promise.

Dear Diary, this will be my last letter.

As the seconds turn to minutes,
The minutes into hours.
I move along the fibers of time,
Hoping I'll make it through the day.

As the days pass by,
It's getting harder to
Convince me
That I'm okay.

I tell myself:
It's only temporary.

But this sinking feeling
Comes in like a tidal wave,
Crashing over me.

Some days I feel
I can conquer the world,
Other days I feel
I'm not good enough.

Sometimes I feel I'm not fit for this life.

Everybody makes mistakes
but all I do is ***** it up.

Just when I think I'm okay,
There's a constant reminder
I'm living under a guise.

I'm not happy.
And I'm not okay.

I crash under the stress
And crawl back in my mental cave.

I feel like I'll never be good enough.

I feel like I'll never succeed.

I hope one day I can break free,
Of this mental torture consuming me.

Welcome to the home of the free,
The land of the divided

Welcome to a land filled with greed,
The one-percent who have the need
To silence dissent, keep those below them
Complacent in a system that favors money
Over ethics and honesty

Welcome to a nation full of deceit,
Land of misinformation and misery.

Welcome to a nation where the wheels
spin propaganda for a leader.

Welcome to a nation where a leader  
Forgoes democracy and takes a page
From a communist and dictator,
Crowning himself King of the ages.

Who needs dignity when you've got vanity?
Who needs honesty when you're a liar?

Welcome to a nation where truth doesn't matter
Welcome to a country on fire.

Divided, we stand, divided we fall.

America the Beautiful, America the tall.

Who will be there to save us all?

If time heals all wounds,
And time is essential
when it comes to love

Why, after all this time,
Do I still love you?

It's been months
And I can't get you out of my head.

We went different ways,
and now it seems
I'm doing everything I can
To hide my feelings in plain sight.

April went to September,
And September went to December,
And I can't bring myself to tell you
How I really feel.

I don't want to lose you
And I'm afraid you don't love me
The way I love you.

They say time heals all wounds.

How long will it take,
Before I get over you?

Over the past few months,
I've realized nobody is perfect.
Not even myself.

I've realized it's okay to fumble.
It's okay to fall.

It's okay let my emotions
Get the best of me.

It's okay to be angry.
It's okay to be sad.

And I've realized
It's okay to slip up
And fall off the tracks.

I know I'll get right back on the path,
And head towards the direction
The direction towards redemption
And the acceptance of self,
Instead of seeking approval from others.

I know I've made mistakes in the past.
And I've made mistakes in the present day.

For far too long,
I've lived my life,
With a cloud of regrets
Hanging over me.

I can't let the past or present,
Dictate how I live my life.

To move forward,
I have to learn to love myself,
Instead of seeking love from others.

I must learn to forgive myself,
So I can forgive others.

Life is filled with trial and error,
We're all trying to find ways
To find solutions to problems
Instead of trying to fix ourselves.

Today is the day
I work on fixing myself.

I can't live my life
Focusing on the past.

It's time to enjoy life.

It's time to move forward.

I said I won't let my demons haunt me
And every day, I lie to myself
Saying I'm getting better.

I address the problems
That only seems to affect the surface.
I ignore the underlying issue,
that I refuse to bring up from my inner hell.

I'm ignoring a part of myself,
That monster that wants to destroy
Everything in its path.

I'm ignoring a part of myself,
The monster, who's an addict.

I try to keep the beast away,
And somehow, he tempts me.

I've been sober for years,
Yet there's one voice in my head
That tells me to stop resisting temptation.

The monster in my mind,
Tells me, "Just one more time."

I want to run away.
Yet I can't seem to escape him.
Not this time.

The monster is always there,
In my head, haunting me.

I won't let him win.

Dear diary, it's been two years since I last wrote to you.

I'm still an addict,
at least in my head.

My self-destructive tendencies,
Fed by the monster who wants me dead,
Will lead me down a dark path,
If I don't do something now.

I'm treading a fine line.
One misstep and I lose everything
I fought to live for.

One misstep, and I lose the ones I love.

I can't let him win.

Dear diary, I can't take this anymore.
I'm finally admitting that I need help.

Life's greatest mysteries
Are hard to understand.
Some question life after death,
Others question the past.

The greatest mystery to me
One I can't wrap my head around,
Is how you fell in love with me.

I'm impossible and stubborn.
You're understanding and patient.

I'm self-destructive and tear myself down.
And when I'm near my breaking point and falling apart,
Somehow you're always there
To pick up the pieces and put me back together.

You see right through the walls,
The walls I built around myself.

You look past my flaws when I can't look past them myself.
You tell me I'm perfect just the way I am,
When all I see is a monster hiding underneath.

I don't know how someone like you met someone like me.

And I'm grateful that you've given me a chance to be with you.

Because of you:
You gave me a reason to believe.
You gave me a reason to fight,
and to conquer my demons.
You gave me a reason to exist,
When I didn't want to live anymore.

If love is the greatest mystery,
I don't want to question anything else.
I'll spend a lifetime decoding
The messages to spend a lifetime with you.

There were times when
I looked up to you

There were times when
I thought I had a brother
Who gave a **** about me.

Somewhere down the road,
Emotions veered off course
And you became another stranger

You became a stranger to me,
and everyone that loved you.

You turned into a monster,
Drinking down your emotions,
Morphing them into hate

You were mad at the world,
And angry at everyone around you.

You resorted to violence,
because that was the only time
you felt you could get your point across.

You abandoned your father,
Your son, your daughter
When things didn't go your way.

You moved, you started a new family.
And when it went south,
You decided enough was enough, taking your own life.

You lived your life
With the notion
that everyone was against you

It was you against the world.

No one would listen,
No one gave you a chance.
No one believed in you.

I gave you a chance.
Your father gave you several.

You abandoned your kids,
and they still came crawling back.

Your sisters didn't give up hope,
and you still believed you were public enemy number one.

Now that you're gone,
It's almost like you've abandoned us again.

There are no more chances to make amends.

In spite of that, there is room for forgiveness.

I forgive you for leaving me.
For leaving your son, your daughter,
Your father, your mother,
And your sisters behind.

Your demons got the best of you.

I won't let mine get the best of me.

I forgive you for everything you've done to me,
And those who loved you.

I won't forget you.
And neither will they.

I have to accept you're gone.
You're never coming back.
There's nothing I can do
to bring you back to life.

I have to accept it
and move on.

For far too long,
I kept my emotions bottled up inside.

I kept telling those I love I’m okay,
Even though I’m falling apart.

When I got that call on a Sunday night,
I did my best to keep it all together.
But the cracks in my heart started to bleed
And I couldn’t take it any longer.

I’ve lost my sister,
My friend, my father and now my brother.

I went my entire life not telling them
I’m sorry or how much I cared about them.

It seems life has a way of reminding me time is short.

I don’t want to go through life regretting everything.
And I don’t want to lose anyone else without telling them
How much they mean to me.

My whole life is filled with regret
And I know I can’t change that.

All I can hope, and all I can do
Is to be a better person
And right my wrongs, tell those around me
How much I love them.

It took losing someone
…to make me feel again.

The world around me is revolving slowly
While the people surrounding move faster & faster
As I am caught in between the fibers of time

Why am I here?
Do I even belong?

My only therapy is the songs I hear in my head.
My only medication is the drugs that make me wish I were dead.

I'm just a shell of my former self.
I'm not what I used to be.

It seems there's no resolution,
only an empty cell waiting for me in this institution.

Dear diary, please help me now.

There's only so much abuse I can inflict upon myself.

The cuts on my wrist, the empty bottle of pills
The lacerations on my fist, shaking from the anger still.

I've got my fix, each line getting me higher.
The only answer getting more apparent, as my lows keep climbing to the ladder.

My sanity escaping.
Depression creeping
As the ghost of death takes over me.

Oh diary, it seems it's goodbye to you and me.
It seems no matter what I do, the world isn't going to accept me.

I'll never belong.

I'll always be different.

Goodbye and goodnight.

I'll see you on the other side.

----------------------------

Dear diary, I'm an addict.

Yesterday was proof of concept.

Tomorrow is a death wish.

If I don't do something now,
I may never get to see the light of day.

Dear diary, please help me now.

Because I can't do this alone anymore.

It's been since October,
Since I've last heard from you

The cold wind blows,
And sometimes,
I hear you calling my name.

The ghost of you following me.
Everywhere I go.

The sun comes alive,
Giving me hope
That in the end,
Life isn't so bad
after all.

I may fall.
I may have my moments,
When I feel like a loser.

...Deep down inside
I know that's not true.

My life has a purpose,
This, I know.

This purpose I've yet to find,
But it's still a long way down.
The road less traveled.

All I ask is that you
walk with me
And stay by my side

Be my guardian angel,
Be my compass.

Guide me in the right direction,
because I don't know
which way to go.

I've been lost for so long,

It's time I step out of the shadows,
It's time I start living my life.

I don't know what hell you've been through,
I'm not sure how many days,
You've endured loneliness and neglect

You could have reached out.
Instead, you decided.
Living was just a game,
And completely took everyone by storm.

And I'm not sure why
You took your own life.

I'll question it 'til the end of time.

You've had so much going for you.
But in your eyes, there was nothing left to live for

Why you couldn't speak up,
Before it was too late...

Why you didn't tell anyone,
And only gave us a short moment's notice.
Before you pulled that trigger

How was it logical,
Perfectly normal,
For you to think
You'll leave this world today?

...Now all we have,
Are the memories and the image of
What we once knew how you used to be

Look behind you,
What you may see may disturb you.

What you once were
isn't what you are now.

It's not the physical appearance; the way you dress
Not the tone of your voice,
the change in your character –
But the difference in your demeanor

You've developed from a carefree soul
to a figure you never imagine yourself being

The lines on your face,
developed from years of hardship;
days in which you endured, prevailed
fell back down, got back up again

Weeks in which you worked day to day,
Just to make ends meet. Months in which
You struggled to keep up on your feet.

Your past self imagined the world would be cold and dark.

In every way, you see it's worth it.

Worth each waking morning.

This may not be what you wished for
When you were younger...

...It's all a part of living life.

We eat, we drink, we live, we die.
Pay our debts to survive.

We have to live through hardships,
To make it throughout life.

We’ve traveled for a long while now,
And I don’t regret each moment...
Spent together with you.

All we have is each other these days,
And to be honest, I’m perfectly OK with that
Who am I without you?
(Who are you without me?)

You helped a fragile heart,
Unlocked it from a keepsake treasure box
Kept it living, kept it breathing
Kept it pumping, kept it bleeding

You helped push me forward when I was too scared to move.

You gave me courage,
You gave me strength

Something I could never feign

_________

Look at me,
A hundred miles away
From home, from friends
From family and loved ones alike

You say it’s a big jump.
While I agree; I’m willing to take the risks

What’s life without boundaries?

However, I’ll be the first to admit: It’s not easy.

I will miss them dearly.

I know they’ll be in my heart,
As I will be in theirs.

But I need to move on with my life.

I need to take that final leap of faith
And let love guide the way to a better life

Two years forward,
Life continues to move on.

I take steps to avoid,
Going back to the hell
I once put myself in.

I remember telling you,
"Please forgive me if I forget you right now."

I took a precautionary measure,
To save me from demise.

I was so fragile back then.

Any memory of you,
Made me feel like I,
I was the cause of your death.

I blamed myself for every little thing.

I wasn't there when I should've been.

...When I was mourning your loss,
They told me to stop being ******* myself.

"You did nothing wrong.", they would assure me.

In a way, they were right.

However, I can't stop but think,
That the smallest gestures
Would have made an impact,
And you'd be here tonight.

Maybe you would be alive to this day.
But reality sank in. I realized...
There was nothing I could do,
To save your life.

Moving on seemed like the only option.
As hard as it was to admit, I had to let go.
There was no way I could bring you back into this world.

I had to face tomorrow like it was another day...

Another day has gone by without seeing you smile,
Another day has gone without hearing your voice.
Another day has gone by, and I had no choice
but to move on without you by my side.

When you’re too afraid to speak up,
Too scared to reveal the hidden
Emotions that haunt you day to day --
That’s when you know,
you know you’ve got to do something quickly.

You’ve kept it all in for too long,
Abuse, neglect, torture, and regret.
You’ve got a long life ahead of you,
But in your eyes, it seems you’ve reached the end.

The scars on your wrist,
the blood on your hands,
the tears in your eyes -- they all tell a story.

I can tell how much you’ve been through on the outside.

On the inside, I can’t help but only imagine
if you’re actually holding back the real motive.

I can tell that you long to die.

Before you decide to take that step,
I want you to close your eyes and imagine a world without you.

Imagine all the people who genuinely care about you.

What will happen if you decided to take your life?

Think about the people who love you.

Think about your friends, even relatives who seem not to care on the outside.

In the end, they’ll all feel the pain.

Your friends wouldn’t be the same,
Some would become distant.

Your family would be mourning the loss: especially the ones closest to you.

They’ll all change.

Not for the better,
But for the worst.

You can roll your eyes all you want.
I know I’m getting through you.

I know, deep inside, you’re listening to what I have to say.

My point is...
Despite all the bullying,
despite all the harassment,
despite the beatings...

You have people that care about you.

Put yourself in their shoes.
What would they do without you?

Your life’s story is haunting,
Filled with the worst memories imaginable
How can a soldier like you deal with the trauma?
The experience? The witness to the killings and suicide bombings?

You’re out there, fighting for what you believe in.
Not knowing if you’ll ever come back home,
Knowing if you’ll see your loved ones again.

All you do is hope for the best, stay on guard,
Gun fully loaded, waiting for an unexpected target to pass you by,
While you oversee others and step over land-mines.

You wish this was over with. Six months may not seem long.
But to you, it feels like you’ve been here forever.
You keep your head up, no matter the circumstances.

You can’t help but go crazy, in moments where
The enemy steps over the line without a glance,
You lose your mind, lose it so fast.
Pulling the trigger out of instinct,
You label yourself as a criminal,
Killing only being politically justified.

Your comrades say it’s out of defense,
While this may be true, the guilt hovers over you.

So tell me, soldier: How does it feel.
Fighting for a country you love,
Feeling remorse for carrying out the deed,
Receiving honors for a mass killing spree?

How have you kept up without shattering to tiny little pieces?

You want to know the real me.

Be my friend. Be my crutch when I need support.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...

I'll let you in. All you have to is ask.

I'm no stranger when you see what's inside my head.

I may be confused, delusional, and a little dangerous.
Look closely, and you'll find the better part of me.

You may like it, you may not, but if you don't cross that barrier.
You'll never get to find out who I really am.

Unless you take the invitation, you won't get the chance to discover that:

I am weak, I am strong.
I am talented, I am wrong.
I'm a paradox; I'm part of the demented.
I'm both optimistic and pessimistic.

I am extraordinary; I'm blessed with an altruistic heart.
I'm able to attentively listen with an open mind, open arms.
Able to discern what's really bothering you before you start speaking.
Able to make you smile without purposely meaning.

I am everything and all the above, not quite human, but well enough.

I could be the most incredible person in history.

What you see is a sample,
A taste, an example.

If you want to discover more,
Press onward.

I am incredible.