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Delilah Jan 2017
Growing up in catholic school I was told that this was a sin
But I always questioned "how could loving someone be a sin"
This sin feels so good
And "how could a sin feel so good"
I later realized that I didn't have to believe in everything the church says but sometime these questions still keep me up at night.
I wonder why we teach kids that the most purest thing in the world can be wrong in the eyes of some.
Delilah Apr 2020
The healing process is long but worth it
As the 7th month is making its arrival I can't help but feel this incredible weight lifted off my shoulders
a weight I never thought would come off
I'll admit I was scared that I would NEVER get over that girl but suddenly my life is coming all together and happiness is seeking into my soul again
I'm loving the person I'm becoming and liking all the new people I've met and I seriously can't thank my circle of support enough, without them I don't know how I would have crawled out of that dark hole
Each person means a little something different but all giving me that same amount of love
Tiana - This girl I've cried and laughed with. She's told me things that I will never forget and she's been real. I seriously thank god for bringing her into my life. She's so amazing and doesn't even know it. We speak each others language and know what its like being a strong willed person coming from a mess. When she tells me she's proud of me I know it.
Katie - I was so broken when we met and she knew it. She checked on me days later and then I just knew that this girl is someone who I need in my life.
Sierra - Me and this girl are going through it together both hurt but both growing into these amazing women who will support each other forever. There had been nights that I wanted to die but I could just text her and just talking about it made it all better. This girl is special and I can't wait to see what amazing adventures life takes us on.
Emma - Emma is my life saver, first one to the scene and the first one to pick me up off the floor and to tell me that I was going to be okay. I didn't believe it then but I finally do. This girl and I have a long relationship and I know that whenever we go whatever we do we'll always be in each others hearts and minds.
Kai - I have never met a single person that has made me feel seen and appreciated more than her. She cried with me as a sobbed over a girl who I am way to good for. She has the kindest heart because she not only cried with me once but many times. I alway knew that she would be one to stay but now I know we will always be there for each other away.
Cailyn - this girl, weirdest meeting but a connection that is out of this world. We just get each other and this girl has helped me realized that absolutely nothing is wrong with me and that I am a badass ***** that deserve the world.
Athena - I literally told this girl my plans to marry that girl days before we broke up and she was really happy for me then but then when I texted her she had nothing but love and support for me. We've always been like this, always there for each other no matter what. No number of miles between us can stop the love we share.
Julie - this lady! She always is so optimistic for the future and so positive about life and always there to party, or talk, or both! I'm so happy she's in my life and I know she's here for good.
Sherrie - They say god made us cousins because our parents couldn't handle us as siblings and honestly I've felt more like a sister to this lady than I have ever felt with my brothers. She is always there and always has the best advice. I'm so lucky to have her in my life.
Annie - usually when you lose your first love your mom is your go to but when you have a mom like mine you don't share much, luckily my mom has an old friend who's been a lifeline to me. She kind of fills my mom void and makes everything okay after I talk to her. We have this strange connection that she knows when I need to talk. States away but something that connects us. Always reminding me that I'm special and amazing and never forgetting to tell me how proud she of me. She just gets it.
Not really a poem but a reflection
Delilah Dec 2015
My sixteenth year my parents split up a broken hot mess of a marriage and told me everything would be okay
Which put me into a war zone that had forgetful family and rumors
As time went on I realized that what I always hated was what I longed for the most which was togetherness
Depression settle in about six months later and everyone believed it was the others fault
No one realized that I had a brain that could think for itself
For I knew if I continued down the road I was going I would do something bad
I met a person who let me talk and understood the life I was living who didn't laugh when I said what I felt and who told me it wasn't going to okay it would take time but eventually I would live a better life
"All shall pass" is what she said and I tattooed that on my heart for I knew it was true I've always known my life will be good one day and happiness will be abundant but for now help is what I need
Life won't always be good but you have to live on the dream that it will be and that all shall pass
Delilah Aug 2016
My life is good
This is the best my life has ever been,
really I've never been happier but there is something that I question
I question why when my life is this good that you have to come back and say hello
I don't want you
No one wants you but you love not being wanted
When will you ******* stop and go away
I want to live this part of my life to the fullest but now I'm sitting here wondering
who will be the next person I have to explain you to
Who will be the next person I have to have that horrible conversation with about possibly medicating you because you have just proven that I can't get rid of you on my own
"Stay busy" I told myself "if you're busy you won't have time to think about it" I thought but now I'm just tired of fighting to keep you away by staying busy
I REALLY want you to go
I want to be like I was before
You come because you have nothing better to do but to take people and destroy their happiness
And who knows what will happen in the end
You could win but I could also take you out with the hard fight of my life
Delilah Nov 2019
At first, your heart is soft and round
it lets anything in because it does not know a heartache
when it lets that person in it grows bigger and bigger for all the new things you do together

but

that very first person will take scissors to the soft, round, lovable heart and cut into tiny, little shreds (not meaning to)

slowly day by day you look and find those tiny, little shreds and sow them back together

but

this time you are building your armor for your heart. you know it can not take another break like the first so you build this armor strong and hard because you have sat down at 2 in the morning wishing someone would take your heart out of you chest so you would not feel anything  anymore
Delilah Dec 2016
Two years ago a new chapter of my life was opened, it wasn't a good one but it was a hell of a show. I learned and grew and became new. I was so young and very very naive to the world and the way it changes and shows itself. People who were my whole world, are people who I no longer think of. People who I didn't know existed then have made my life worth something now. It's incredible how fast your whole world can turn upside down. My life went from having a family of eight people who never got a long but to me that was family. Now I know family's are supposed to actually love. That's where love comes from, right? The future is here, its really here. Everything I dreamed of is here. I'm leaving this house that once held so much but no longer does. Tomorrow feels like a victory of a long race to the finish line. Although, it was a very long and hard two years those memories of everything still pop into my head like they happened yesterday. I know they didn't and I now know how to move on from something. To forget and forgive and decide how I want my life to go. People go through more difficult things everyday but for me this was a mountain that I had to climb and now I'm standing still on top with people who support me, with things that are good for me, and with a sense of how the world works. It may have taken me 24 months to finish to race but I'm still here to tell the stories, and I'm ready for the next mountain to climb.
B
Delilah Nov 2016
B
She worries about you because she loves you
And she knows that if anything ever happened to you
She would be as broken as you are deep down inside
And she can't fix you so how would she be able to fix herself
So she worries about you
Her heart aches when yours does and she wonders what it's like to feel that way but she knows that her own  sorrows make her hurt like yours
When she cries my world floods because those eye are the holiest thing I've ever seen
So I hold on to her and pray that the sun breaks through
Because she only deserves sunshine and happiness
That's what she is to you and I just want to be her rainbow
Delilah Dec 2016
I have built another brick house in my heart
Put your name it in and threw away the key
It's weird because I keep recalling the night when we were told we'd stay together forever but sadly they were wrong
I'm hoping one day we find our way back
I think we will
Like they say "If you love something, let it go, and if comes back it's meant to be"
Our lives are changing in different directions and that happens
I just hope the best for you and I hope to see you again
Delilah Feb 2017
" Houston, we've hit bottom" is what I constantly think on nights like tonight. I honestly thought I was far from bottom, that somehow there was a fog that made an inch seem like a mile. I have so many thoughts about so many things, things that are not good. Things that make me feel like I'm the bad one. I'm the reason why I barely have anyone. But then I remember I am. I was the one who realized that these people were ****** more than anything. I pulled a Trump and built a wall around the things that I couldn't bear to deal with. 18 wasn't supposed to be like this, I was supposed to have my  huge family crying over me leaving but really there are only a few. The few people that count.
Delilah Mar 2017
Two eyes, one heartbeat, and her mothers burgers are all I need
She's one of kind
She's now becoming the thing that keeps me up at night because I wish she was in my arms
People always say we're goals but truly she my goal
My goal is to make her the happiest thing in the whole wide world
When I was small I was left alone with own imagination a lot, and I would always imagine families  
Whether it was my family or another family I thought was perfect or my own future family  
I often pictured myself with whomever I had a crush on then but when I got with her that all stopped
I started imagining a life with her, a future family with her
She makes me better
She makes me want to be a good, healthy person
She's all I need because no one has ever, ever cared this much for the person I was, I am, and who I'm going to be
Delilah Mar 2016
My seventeenth year I began to see colors all these colors from people who I had always imagined  had these beautiful bright amazing colors but deep down they were dark and twisted and ripped me apart to even look at them but then I started to open with colors and they were the ones that were beautiful bright amazing colors but also came with the realization that my whole family ******* ****** and of course I knew this before because I realized that I had watched those same colors explode on other people but thought nothing of it because I still believed in happiness and  rainbows of others but now I make my own **** happiness and rainbows with the people whose colors are bright and beautiful just like mine so this is a poem for the people who can take their nasty dark twisted colors and shove it up their ***** while I sing I see your true colors shining through I see your true colors and that why I don’t love you
Delilah Oct 2016
As the full moon rose tonight
I kissed you soft and hard
You told me about the things you love and the things you hate
You open within me and I open within you
The comfort I feel with you is as big as the bright full moon
You are the girl in all the famous love stories that I am excited to get to know
You are you and I want nothing more than to be apart of your big bright beautiful world
Delilah Apr 2016
The last time I heard your voice was a snowy february night, I was babysitting the boys,  you called and I was annoyed but we stayed on the phone for an hour, an hour that I'll never get back. After you died I remember I tried to call your phone number just to hear that stupid voice message of yours, the one where you would trick people into thinking it was really you but they had already disconnected the number, it was gone forever, just like you.
The last time I saw you, you were dying in a hospital bed and that's not how I choose to remember you. I remember you as this short, black haired, strong woman who loved her family , old cartoons, and her piano. Sometimes when I hear Fur Elise being played I close my eyes and pretend you're playing for me and Kobie like you did when I was a kid.
I'm growing up now, I've done so much since you died and I wish you could be in the audience for every show, performance, and award ceremony that I'm in. I know you would love it, you always love those catholic school concerts that never were any good but you would see me after it, smile, and tell me how wonderful I was.
I remember the night I got my ears pierced and you came over to see us, you grabbed my face and told me how pretty I was and that moment still pops in my head when I walk into the dining  room just doing my everyday things, I liked to think that's a reminder from you just saying "hey turkey ****". I don't let anyone call me that besides ***** and holly because that was our thing. I can't ever remember you calling me by my actual name. And I guess that was apart of growing up, not having someone call you by a childhood nickname.
A lot has happened in my life and many times I just wanted to call you and talk, to fill you in on everything, I want to hug you, and I just really want my Aunt Teri because it's been three years and 28 days since I've actually seen and felt you.
The songs just don't do it any more. After you died I made a playlist and called it "Aunt Teri" and it has four songs that remind me of you and I listen to them a lot but they're slowly starting to lose importance. I listen to the beatles and think of you because they were your favorite and so was pink floyd. They make me smile because they made you smile.
I don't remember your voice anymore, I know it's in the back of my head somewhere but I just can't recall it anymore.  
You would be amazed how the boys have changed, Kobie is going to be in High School and Kyler is going to kindergarten. You would be proud. I'm graduating in a year and I hate that you won't be there for that either. ***** is kicking *** at school and will be a nurse very soon, you would be so proud of her.
You have another grandson, Hunter, he is so cute. He looks like Ray and you would be proud of him too.
The day you died I started my questioning of religion and I know you wouldn't be proud of that.
I have so much left to write but I have to go. I love you Aunt Teri.
Delilah Nov 2019
Do you miss me? Do you think of me on the day that were once special to us? Will you miss me this holiday?

I do miss you. I do think about you a lot. I will miss you this holiday.


I'm recovering, but I still think about you.
Delilah Aug 2015
I wanna lay in bed on sunday morning with you
I wanna wake up to the sound of you laughing at the dream you just woke up from
i wanna eat cereal  in my underwear with you
I wanna come back home and show the small minded world that I once lived in, the big bright beautiful world that you are
I wanna make love to you in the back of your moms broken down mini van
I wanna lay under the stars with you and think of our future kids
I wanna fly to mexico, get drunk, and fall in love with you all again
and I just wanna love you
Delilah Jul 2016
I thought I saw the sun through the clouds I thought all the rain and sadness was over I thought I could live life full again I thought it was over but it'll never be over and there will always be clouds somewhere
Delilah Jan 2021
This is not a hard goodbye
but a goodbye to what we thought would happen
we thought our love would last
and that our magic would stand the test of time
it pains me with every fiber of my body
that I will not be your person/lover/wife/mother to your child
I am to be your friend because neither one of us wants to grieve it completely

The outline of our future was set and beautiful
Successful, happy, and in love
but here we sit in different home facing life's mountain that our love couldn't overcome

So my hope for us is that we grieve what we need to and hold on to what we can savage from the rubble to be just friends and maybe every now and then we can still see that magic within
savage
Delilah Nov 2015
I'm finding myself looking up and smiling like a mindless fool
and  I love it
Delilah Jul 2017
Home isn't always a house you lived in for 18 years
It's two blue eyes and a strong heartbeat that you can't wait to spend your whole life with
It's that smile she gives you every time she sees you
It's what makes the butterflies in your stomach come alive when you say "I love you"
And it's the "I love you back" that makes everything so clear
Delilah Oct 2019
It's been three years since I didn't kiss you in the Edison's parking lot
I wanted to but I didn't know that you wanted me as much as I wanted you


Now I'm sitting here at 11:30 p.m. wondering if any of that was real to you
the feelings you poured out on a paper and in person
did they mean anything or did you just say them to make yourself believe that you could love someone more than yourself

That was mean to say and it hurt to write but that's how it feels

Three years ago I was smiling hard because I was falling for this amazing person who not only liked me but had a look of promise in her eyes
I saw forever, a family, a life for us two and maybe when the time was right a third but tonight I'm not sure what I see

Or where I'll be if you ever come around to the promises you made
I can't live my life waiting on you
You're everything I need but time has changed you so much that all my efforts lack the appeal of you
My whole world flipped upside down by a young carefree princess who I believed and loved so deeply that it literally feels like my heart has been ripped out of my body and thrown away
It feel like my life was a lie and I'm sitting wondering if I will EVER be able to believe someone if tell me the same wonderful things you always said


I get change, change is great but I feel like one day you just flipped a switch and I was nothing to you

The memories of a full of love, happy you and I keep racing in my mind and I guess that proves the point of smile because it happened, don't cry because it's over

I wonder, if maybe I would have kissed you that night if you would still be mine tonight
Delilah Nov 2016
How do you love me?
I'm such a mess,
I don't know how to control anything half the time but you don't seem to care
All you care about is me
You care about the me I never learned how to love
You love that me and all the rest of me
You seem to be the only one watching and seeing me fight on
And I love that about you
I love you so much it's unreal
It's kind of gross but I really like it
m.
Delilah Oct 2015
m.
You have left a handprint on my heart
not in vain but in love
when you went you took something and left another
you took what I didn't want anymore and left something amazing
you left the love for myself
you were like a vacuum cleaning the dust from my soul that made me forget me
you opened me but I did not open with you but after you
you helped me find myself and not to be scared  
but sometimes I wish you were here to see it bloom
the night that was ours is coming and I still think of you every year
the night that my cheeks hurt from smiling
the night I went without a worry
the night that happened so quickly
the night I fell in love
I love that word but hate it all in the same
because my love never last long outside but inside it last forever
Mad
Delilah Jul 2020
Mad
I am mad that you still pop into my head

I am mad that I let you treat me so bad

I am mad that when someone is treating me that I am the best thing they have ever had
It only reminds of the terrible love we once had
Delilah Jun 2020
Darling
Stop searching for the people you want  
Just live an unapologetically free life and they will come to you asking to eat that beautiful magic you have within you soul out of the palm of your hand
Dance, eat, and sing all you want so you may never wonder what its like to enjoy all the earth has to offer
You live so comfortably in your own skin that confidence spreads to others around you
Your smile lights up a room and fills hearts with joy
You my dear are one of those magical people that makes this world a better place
Keep that magic flowing and you will forever be all yours


~About a woman who found herself and wishes the same for you~
Delilah Feb 2016
The relationship a girl has with her father shouldn't be a focused one
no one side should have to fight more than the other and no one side should think he's great because he pays the bills
the other shouldn't crave it after 17 years of disappointment but it does because that's what it was taught "behave, honor your mother and father, wait till the day your dad walks you down the aisle and gives you great advice"
the only thing in life I've wanted to do was to impress you and make you proud but that's hard when you still don't care
I act it out as a great relationship on birthday, holidays, and when you're sick but in return I get nothing but "I'm sorry sweetie", "you're just a kid", and "again I'm sorry"
I scream at you because I want it so bad but just can't hold that back until I cry like a child
It rips me apart inside to know that I'll never have a great relationship with you
I look at other people and think yeah I love my dad too but the thing that hurts the most is that one day all this love that I have will turn into something horrible
Delilah Nov 2020
My darling ladies
You have been so beautiful and so loved since the moment we knew about you and I know sometimes it doesn't feel like that from some of the people who are SUPPOSED to love you but they do
And regardless if they do or don't
I love you each and everyday
I wish I could see you grow into the wise little women that you are becoming everyday but I am becoming my own wise women daily
Together we will make our own family
We will make it kind, caring, and healthy
For us and our futures
I believe that you both will become such amazing women and that you will lead life in your own ways but I know deep down you will make it beautiful and wonderful for your souls
I've fought for you since I was young because I knew that someone needed to pave the way
But you fierce little women are paving your own way to success
I know you both will deal with the same struggles that I dealt with but I know with your happy spirits and me by your side nothing will stand in your way
Delilah Aug 2015
My Heart is a big mess of love that never knows when to love but only to hate the things it comes to love
That's all its ever known but wants to know more
It wants to love like you but doesn't want to be hurt because it has been before
It talks to my brain and tells it to think about loving you but the brain knows that it will end badly
My Brain remembers all but my heart is like a blind dog trying to find its owner
My heart builds itself a wall to block the sad and broke parts of it and rebuilds itself to be happy again but the brain knows what its doing and warns it to stop
But my heart never listens
It just wants to love and to be loved
Delilah Jul 2020
I am scared, scared of being so hurt like I once was

I let my heart feel every ounce of emotion

I let myself fall, fall way to hard and way to fast and that also scares the **** out of me because I am trying to protect my fragile heart that is way too big for its own good

But there is this woman

A woman who is often unsure of herself but tells me that I make her feel sure

A woman who has the prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen

A woman who is brave but doesn’t know she’s showing it

A woman who has a talent out of this world and a voice that makes my heart skip a beat

A woman who Is letting me know that its okay to feel this way again

And even if I end up in the same place I was before I know that this adventure with her will have been well worth it
Delilah Jul 2018
The dark room pulls my thoughts out.
The angry, sad, and hurt thoughts.
Why can’t I live a normal life?
Why can’t I accept that I’m alway second best?
I will never be a number one.
I’m not good enough.
And people make me see that.
Quitting looks so **** easy,
But that would be me becoming like everyone else.
Quitting equals death and living equals harder work than anyone.
I wish my someone would see that I’m hurting but they just don’t know how to handle it.
And can I blame them?
I don’t even know how to handle it.
Delilah Dec 2015
I lay on the couch and look at the tree
the tree that held so much love and happiness
the tree that now is just a tree
Delilah Mar 2019
I cannot change how people feel
I can only feel what I feel
Anger makes an appearance when I want to change people but I know it doesn’t work
It never does

Take a deep breath
Count to ten
Call it a day and play pretend
Pretend that it never happens the way it does but only how you imagine it was

Fake the smile
Play the part
And shine the way you do
Never looking back to what you were but always looking forward to who you want to be

Overwhelmed now
Calm and collected soon
The tears will fall but you were always taught to build the boat for your own way out
And there you will sail the seven seas and be always who you wanted to be

Then you will realize that who you want to be is actually and always was
Who you are

Have pride and be proud
For you did it all on your own
Delilah Aug 2020
To grow you must endure the uncomfortable which is almost always playing with pain but in return you come out on the other end

That's what they say

The moment you feel that first wave of pain you want to mask it
Which is why there are so many alcoholics and drug addicts
They have a pain that needs to be masked
but on days like today I have learned that sometimes masking the pain will not take it away but only hide it until the mask falls off and you are sober again and then its real and bigger than before

Anything worth working towards is going to be painful
It requires you to stand still and feel what is happening around you
Feeling the pain is never easy but it is a must for growth

And once you grow that pain will slow slip away and you will finally be able to breathe again
If there's no pain there will never be a gain
Delilah Feb 2020
I wonder to what my former self did in a previous life to have the **** cards dealt to me in this life
Was I a bad person or did I just try my best and my best wasn’t anything worth having a good life when I passed on
Was I a terrible parent or did I have the best family in the whole world and now is just my turn to experience the other side
Did I exclude people and made them feel lonely when I could include them in life
Did I leave a lover with just a phone call
Maybe I had terrible friends so now I have wonderful friends that really take care of me now
Delilah Sep 2015
You're the reason I started writing in the 3rd grade
You're the reason for my late nights
You're the reason I want to punch you in the jaw
I thought you would learn but you never did
Remember when you said if I ever need anything come to you
That's hard when you're in prison
I want you to be there at graduation but I know you won't be out
I hate you for this but I'm glad you're not dead
Love you person
Delilah Aug 2015
Prison letter and dreams are the only thing that we have to stay connected in this world
You wrote me and said you have found god and he put you on this right path and alls I can think about is where is god
I keep thinking about the day your set free
The day when I come home from college to see you again
The day when you meet you eleven, five, and two year olds
The day we get to watch a cardinals game together and make mexican food and agree to disagree about everything except the people who are up to no good
Yesterday I dreamt we were in Aunt Amy’s kitchen and you were free and I wanted to hug you but you said it's not time and that's true
You and me sitting at Aunt Amy’s kitchen table it isn't time for that
I wonder what you look like I REALLY DO
'I wonder if we will be the same when you get out
I wonder where i'm going to be when you get out
I often wonder if I’ll ever stop missing you
and I still wonder what three years really feels like because so much happened in three months
I find myself looking at the happy time instead if all the bad
Like the time when I was five and you and Brit took me to the zoo
When told me I could do anything I set my mind to and not to  listen to the negative people because they will never amount to anything close to what I will amount to
When we went with dad to that baseball game in september high sets but it was the best
I want you to know I love you and sometimes the world is an unfair place but in dreams and letter we are set free
Delilah Feb 2020
Everyone on the outside says I'm doing great they see the happy, wings spreading, loving person that I am becoming

They don't see the bruised heart or constant string of bad thoughts going through my head all hours of the day

I really wish I could just see the outside too

I wish I wasn't apart of the inside

And I know I'm being far too negative and ******* myself but its how I'm surviving
Delilah Feb 2021
There you go again reaching for the drugs
to alter this form of reality we both live in
you talk to me so sweetly but when they wear off its an awkward exchange almost like we're two strangers
You're not the first person to do this in my life
I'm used to it
I've come accustom to everyone close to me needing to alter the reality for one thing or another and I'm always caught in the crossfire
And why does it still hurt all these years later
why do I still fall for the person that is high
why haven't i left them all behind
but maybe
I like the high a little more than you
maybe its the you I get high off of
Delilah Jun 2020
When you grow up in a **** show
people on the outside will say a number of these phases to you
* look at you being so strong
*this will just make you stronger

* I cant believe how strong you are
and while all these words come from a good place
no one ever truly knows what is like to be *STRONG
unless they have lived in these same situations

What really needs to be said
I know you're strong and I can't imagine what this is like and I see you
* You don't always have to be strong, but you are doing a great job
I know/ don't know your pain and/but I'm here*

Sometimes being the strong one isn't what you want to be known for
Delilah Jun 2016
Sometimes it still ***** with me and my emotions
Sometimes if feels like you're dead
Sometimes it feels like I'm the one  secluded from you
Sometimes I count down the days and dream about what's it going to be like when you come home
Sometimes I still have to take a moment to process this
And sometimes I just want to hug you
T
Delilah Feb 2020
T
She walks on tiptoes many times because she scared to release it all
She has caution because she knows what life can send her way
But
She still loves with all her heart
Makes you feel like you matter and makes the few months of friendship feel like an eternity of love and kindness to each other
I’m trying to believe for myself that everything happens for a reason and she is proof
Things led her back to her hometown which was followed by our meeting and her hand being there to hold mine through a darkness that she once encountered
Her smiles make you feel welcomed and comfortable
Her laugh is continuous
Her ideas are full of life and excitement
And while we both are living to survive she makes it easier to believe that there is happier moment still to come
Some friends come along and attach to the heart in such a way that for a brief moment when you both throw you head back in laugher you forget everything
and that keeps you living
She helps you keep living
Delilah Jun 2020
Thank you for leaving me when you did
When you left I was crushed but slowly and surely I found my way into a life I love
The life I'm creating for myself is beautiful and every single thing I have ever hoped for this part of my life
Our memories together were wonderful and I will never forget all the things I learned from being apart of your life
But I have finally realized that without this push I would have never be able to truly live my life and I hope with all my heart that you are doing the same
Delilah Nov 2015
I wanted that picture so **** bad because in the 16 years we were all together we didn't take one
I wanted to hang it on my wall but a year later I want to burn it
I want to burn it and forget that we as a family ever happened
I want to pretend that my life is a soap opera and I'm not the main star
I wish things would fall into place
that my life would suddenly go back to 2014 and not change
but then I realize I would still be wishing for a change
and I hate that
I always wished it would happen and I thought I would be happier
but I just realized that I hated living sometimes
Every emotion just came at me all at once and 11 months later I'm sorting and deciding which one I have to deal with next
The day it happened I cried for about an hour and then the next three months I felt nothing then I was overwhelmed and scared and now I feel sad and lonely and a tad bit ****** at everyone all the time and some for absolutely no reason but the fact that they get an outside view and don't have be the person in the middle
Delilah Feb 2020
disclaimer* my ex future mother in law is and was an absolute angel in my life – she is on this earth to help and guide people and I will forever be grateful that our paths crossed when they did*
The first time you see your ex future mother in law you will want to cry
You may want a hug and a tearful reunion and to let them know how your really doing
But
You cant do that
That’s not okay because that’s the mother of your former love
They came from them and if you were close to their mother they are closer to their mother
The mother will not be on your side no matter what
She will say that she will always be there for you still but you know that’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed and you wont dare to rock the boat because you still have a secret hope that your life will suddenly come back together and all will be as it was so you don’t rock the boat
You have minute conversations and short hugs when she comes into your work
And likes on each other’s facebook page lets both of you know that the other in on their mind
So when you see your ex future mother in law future give a warm greeting and a smile and try to look beyond their eyes when you tell them that you are really doing okay even though you are still so broken from their child did
Delilah Jan 2021
I imagine the wedding day will look beautiful
You will probably be the most stunning bride
and your parents will beam with pride
your dad will made jokes as he walks you down the aisle and mom will surely cry  
Your sister and brother will stand by your side
I know your aunt and uncles will be so proud
and as your dad gives you away and you look at the one that is right for you I hope you remember me
remember me not in a bad way but as someone who helped pave the way to your beautiful bride
I know I will remember you when I look at mine
I'll remember the way you loved me like no one before and the way your family made me feel
I'll think of them from time to time
but you I shall think about you more than I wish
because I know that we shared something so special but it just wasn't meant to last
we will not see each other on our special day but I hope you think of me and remember the way we pushed off of each other to find our one that will give us our special day
Delilah May 2017
I'm breaking down
Slowly but constantly  
I feel like the world is slowly catching up
To my big talk
"I'm never going to be like them" I would say
But I'm slowly starting to believe that's a lie
It feels like I'm losing my confidence day after day and I really don't know where it's going
I've always had it, it's been my best friend through everything
But why at a time I need it most does it seem to escape
I'm scared because I don't know how things are going to turn out
I want to go back to my old ways but I know I can't
That would just prove I'm worthless even more
Something  in my head is telling me that I'm worthless and I'm starting to believe it
She tells me I'm not and that I'm worth a million stars in every plant but she doesn't know what this life is like
I'm glad she doesn't but sometimes I wish she did so she could understand more
She's my rainbow on rainy days and my light
I just want to be alone, away from everything with her just for a little bit
I want pure happiness all the time
When I see her that's what I see
She helps me forget and forgive
She's seen me cry and laugh and both at the same time
She's always dries my tears
And holds me tight
And talking about her just made me forget what I was really writing about
And that's love
Delilah May 2016
I crave the touch of you but my heart has too many battle wounds from the short time that lasted forever but my head wants you, your body and the sweet adorable voice that would call my name.
I will never understand why all this happened and why it affected me the way it did. You and I could have gone on forever if the circumstances would have been exact but they weren't even in the same atmosphere. You created a new me but I fear I destroyed you and I'm sorry. I wish we could start all over and go back to freshman year but the knowledge we have today. I find myself thinking that I have forgotten you but then you pop back in my head and I go wild with the idea of you. I hope you don't think poorly of me but with a good memory.
Delilah Oct 2020
I can not explain this feeling
I thought I had felt this before
but
When you are finally with the right person your heart knows
It knows it can love with all it has and not be afraid to do just that
When you are with the right person your body knows it just can not tell a lie
You tell that person everything and anything because you know they'll understand
and in the moment you look each other in the eyes to say I love you
You know she truly feels it back
Delilah Mar 2020
I look into the mirror and I don't know who I'm looking at
This woman is beautiful and becoming and really tired because all of this is helping her forget
forgetting the person she once was
so in love or so she thought
but the love was an artificial love but it still left her in a million tiny little pieces that she is so desperately trying to glue back together so well that they look like that they were never even broken

The people around her say she has risen from the dust like a phoenix but what they cant see is the heart still burning to death from a loss she doesn't think she can recover from

This person in the mirror is who she wants to be but she is constantly waiting for it to be who she once was

and that is her toxic trait
Delilah Jul 2020
On the night you were born the moon and stars were aligned so perfectly that they had a conversation about the beautiful life getting ready to explode into a journey of absolute creation and wonder

So on days when it seems like you don’t want to live another moment remember that the moon holds your heart and the stars will guide you to where the sun will rise again, and everything will be as it is meant to be
Delilah Jan 2016
Why does something that is supposed to bring you up to highest you ever been always take you down to the lowest you will ever find your soul
You give and give and no one ever takes what you have to offer but in times when they need it I'm sad a lot and I wonder if someone ever did take would I be happy?
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