i once took shame in this struggle.
closed blinds,
empty body
'nobody needs to know'

believing myself to be a burden, i buried myself.

i spent years decomposing,
cold and unrecognizable.
a fossil of my former self.

but now i hold the shovel
and free myself from this earthen cage.
i am beginning to understand that there is beauty in asking for help,
and i have planted the seeds of self love.
watch as they grow roots and blossom

-here's to a fresh start

i am ignited,
flames of fear lapping at my feet.
i try to cry out, to ask for help
but ash fills my mouth.
bitter,
much like my regard for myself.
mind made of matches, i am my own arsonist.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

why must you compare pain
someone can drown in an ocean
while someone can drown in a pond
the point is,
they both drowned