You fill my cup to knock it over
The false promises haunt me at night
Your pretty lies embraced me till nothing mattered but you

Like my favorite season, you disappeared
Leaving me cold, lonely, lost
The ghost of you embraces me
Taunting me with your absence
Your pretty lies hold my broken pieces
The sunset reminds me of you

I hate you for what you’ve done to me
False promises embraced me
Lit a fire within my empty home
My anxieties run rampant in your absence
Rising like the flames with each passing day

You were wanted by me
I was ready to build my life with you
Ready to embrace domestic and loved
But you reminded me

Love is lost.
Love is false.
Love is a concept that deems me unworthy.
I am not good enough for anyone but myself

You broke my heart that was never full to begin with
Tattered and forgotten
Embraced by the dreams of you that haunt me
How do I forget someone my brain doesn’t want to lose?

a loneliness filled in your absence
an absence i still haven't filled

your ghosts still haunt the hallways
the walls still whisper your names
the mirrors still remind me of your words
i still miss you somedays

your absence grows and festers
crashing in the wind
i wish you'd leave me faster
despite the emptiness

you try to fix the broken
but your skeletons have long been moved
i wish you would've listened
there's nothing you can do

The bird at my window reaps my sorrows
I lay static in a sea of blankets
This cycle wracks through my body
Un-nerved, unwilling, exhausted.

Tonight, I watch as the moon shields herself away from the earth with the clouds
I wish I could tuck myself away as easily as she
Instead, I am pulled under, away from everything

Sinking
Drowning
Accepting

Although it is dark where I sit at the bottom
My lungs are too full
And I’ve run out of spite to fight the weight that settles me
The pressure is pushing down on my limbs
I feel crushed, it uses too much energy to move
And I’m tired

My supply of will has run cold
Overwhelmed and desolate
I will watch as the moon shines above
As I cry below

home life is like an abusive relationship
some days hold soft sunsets and gentle words
exchanges that make you believe it's alright
watching ****** expressions as you eat dinner
whispered good nights
some are rougher, leaving tears leaking in secret
whine and dreams of days before
hope pulling at heartstrings tell you not to forget the better
some days make you wish you succeded all those years ago when depression was your only personality trait
with dark nights only shifting the hue of the stark black
exchanges deepen the already pounding wound
I wish I left back then almost as much as I do now
a few months and ill be free for a while
college will be my forbidden lover, whisking me away from the jury

but this house will never be a home to me

your eyes wash over me
waves crashing on sand
stripping the beach of its substance

silence stretches between us
growing, blooming
splitting our love into pieces
vines intangling and overtaking

something cold drops from my tear ducts
my heart aches
everything is swallowed
****** into the depth of pain, wretching my body
shaking like an earthquake

you walk away
lowering your head
I howl at you but you keep drifting away
sailing through the ocean that is my mind
the wind whispers to me that you were never mine
you only acted like a gem in my crown,
blending in, but never matching

suddenly I am warm, burning
surrounded by the flames set by you
but the warmth is not enough to throw my winter aside
your lies will not burn my walls down
we are done
I've thrown us aside to make way for a new world to grow
but your roots linger underneath the soil

marriage isn't dragging the kids into the problems
it isn't aggressively leaving after a fight
it's not sleeping in separate rooms because you couldn't listen to each other
or shouting over the dogs barking, complaining without care

marriage isn't gossiping about the worse of your love to your family
it isn't laying hands on your love or rejecting their opinion  
it is not losing value in the relationship and considering separation

marriage isn't ignoring your one-year-old to sleep so your love has to deal with its crying and the messy house
it is not neglecting the responsibility to get a job and not supporting your family
it isn't rejection or ignorance

marriage is
love
acceptance
honesty
respect
devotion

its everything you haven't shown me
so thank you for showing me what marriage isn't