I over hear my mother speaking to my father about me not knowing how to be alone. That my ex didn't give a **** about me.
Mother
I'm a 24 year old ****** who has never been with anyone. Do you have any idea what that is like? To ache for a connection you have never had? To yearn for a union that defies every life experience and principle you've come to know? To sit in your room and watch life pass you by while all your friends live there's? Oh Mother I do know how to be alone.
**For I Have Known It All Of My Life

I learned the hard way that there were consequences for my choices I woke up every morning for 9 months feeling the weight of that consequences

You are quiet
Your anger a silent resentment

I am loud
My anger booming with frustration in this predicament

Your words
Distant and few
The fight in you
hardly there

My words
Write sonnets of there own to no one that cares  

I close my eyes and turn my face to match your disposition

Yet somehow the silence causes me more affliction

The past
For you is full of mistakes to throw at me  

The past
for me is full of hope and happier memories that almost has me

Were both so different
It's a tragedy

But either way we're  both unhappy

Men have grabbed me but never reached me

For You
I hoped as high as the heavens
And then I cried the whole sea

Silently I cry
With a story inside me I can't unburned
How can one be so full of sorrows and yet empty?

You hugged my throat but you didn't squeeze
You put me down until I started to believe
I deserved the abuse

You threw things at the wall but not at me
So I created stories of rationality
Buy When Id try to speak up I'd always freeze
Then I'd watch you close the curtains so nobody would see
All of the things you did to me
It was all my fault I was always to blame
I'd sit in confusion but that was your game
Not my lover my abuser and there's power in that name
Because love and abuse are not the same

He almost liked her
She almost waited
With all that they were  
They almost made it
And bright would have been the burning of there star had it not faded

Have you ever been alone long enough to where being alone just made more since?

I drink because:
I would rather sleep walk through life
Then live with the choices that I've made

I hate today
Five years ago today my professor at my college hosted a party and then put something in my drink

And when I woke up...
When I woke up...

I kiss boys harder
I turn up music louder
I drink wine faster
But I still can't wash away the memory
The unfortunate secret to my sharp memory is that I'm always trying to forget

anxiety
look at you your so pathetic when you can't control your breathing
go ahead and bite your nails
rip them off until there bleeding
don't question me cause your gonna fail
I've thought of every reason for the lies you should keep believing
Have your panics have your attacks
feel the whole world carried on your back
worry excessively
don't bother to mess with me  
I'm the silent killer

We were and we were not

I am haunted by the living

There were no stars out that night
but there was nothing to dream of hope for or wish upon
With you by my side

Tears are words that have not been written

At this point my sins are all I have

I am awake
But my heart is tired

If you give a mouse a cookie hell probably want some milk
If you give a guy your number hell probably want to ****

Let the young heart of wisdom shine like gold
With great generosity let's us forget what we are told
Today I raise my glass to the blessing of 24 years old

It hits me and it feels like a kiss

No one breaks my heart
I create my own heartbreak
every time,
every 
single
time
I let myself believe in someone

She is my flower,
And all of her Nectar is mine

I had a fondness for star gazing until our eyes met

Cherry red nail polish chipped from nights before.
After blacking out she will later notice empty bottles sprawled out on the floor.
Ignoring her shame
she will once again play this game
by promising to have only one more.
Despite previous knowledge
she denies ever being an alcoholic.
She becomes out of control when she is full of liquor.
Why speak out about her problems? When drinking is so much quicker?
With hands decorated in chipped cherry red nail polish
She wonders if it could be symbolic.
She looks down, noticing the cracked lines of what was once a cherry red.
She considers retouching her nails but takes a drink instead.
She looks once more this time understanding the cracked lines of what was once a cherry red.
She considers retouching her nails but takes another drink instead.
She wonders if it could be symbolic
with hands decorated in chipped cherry red nail polish.
Why speak out about her problems? When drinking is so much quicker?
She becomes out of control when she is full of liquor.
She denies ever being an alcoholic.
Despite previous knowledge.
By promising to have only one more
she will once again play this game.
Ignoring her shame.
After blacking out she will later notice empty bottles sprawled out on the floor with
cherry red nail polish chipped from nights before.

Connecting with others is a rare and beautiful thing but it's rare that's the thing

How many times must the heart break before it finally opens?

And I've cried enough tears to know they eventually dry off

I am the one
Turn my face to the sun
Because there's no shame in what I've done
With these hands I will take the sword from the stone
I can do this all on my own wait and see how much I've grown

I gave in to you
My darkest desires met
With hope and regret

As a girl you watered plants even after they died that's when I knew that you had trouble accepting when things were over

Dear God just make the thoughts stop please

You expose my flaws
Blame me for my own distress
Then say, "I love you."

You said to love myself
So I left you

I feel sad today
Everyday blurrs into the next
Morning comes but there's nothing there for me
Tomorrow will be the same as today
Tomorrow is today
The silence in my head fills me with angst
The baby in my stomach fills me with dread
Nothing is real
But these feelings these feelings that don't pass
I can't **** them in there sleep
There attached to me

The moon hung like a pendant in the night sky we stare out into the Galveston ocean you take my hand in yours and im eager to share my hopes and dreams the very things that drive me even the experiences that have shaped me into the person I am.
THEN YOU SAY TO ME:
"You have too many thoughts
in your own head maybe you should stop reading so many books."
It was almost as if because these parts of me were too complex for you to understand suddenly that made them invalid...

Loving you was easy
Forgetting hard

The stars they watch us pass into the night
They ask how we could have a love more bright?

Everything is fine
Until I see models on TV
So I turn off the TV and then
Everything is fine
Until I open up another magazine
And compare myself
To another celebrity
So I close the magazine and then
Everything is fine
Until I walk with my lover down the street
And his head turns to follow a girl and there eyes meet
I make an excuse and go back home and
Everything is fine
Until I close the door behind me and look in the mirror
Suddenly it's all so much clearer
I realize I can't turn off the mirror like a TV I can't close the mirror like a magazine and I can't walk away from it to disappear.
I cry for days
It's me it's me it's always been me
Everything is not fine.
Because I can't make me go away

Why does my life feel like a test I didn't study for?