2017.

A new year.

A new hope.

A new chance for you

NEW.

4 days!!!!!

Are you freaking kidding me???

What kind of weekend is that long?? Why no school on Friday and Monday???

It's hard staying alive 1 second without her- and now I have to wait *4 days??!?

Are you freaking kidding me?!??!?!

I miss her already!!!

But don't worry


1 second with her is like 10 minutes with her


She'll reward me for staying alive for 4 days



Because she likes me now



**Although I'm not sure of it

54.

That may seem like nothing to you.

But...

Ah..

That was my math quiz score....



****-- Wait don't wanna curse.

Because I'm nice.

Though not in front of math.

AH! I HATE YOU MATH!!!!

Haha.

8 poems a day.

That's a lot. Now 9 poems.

Wait- that's a haiku!

"Add a poem."

It said.

But I don't know what to write.

What kind of poems are there? Love poem? Rhyming? Haikeu? Free style?

I have decided,

This is the poem of "I don't know what to write poem."

Pretty neat, huh?

Haha.

My right ring finger itches from that ant bite.

It was first a little speck of pain.
When I noticed it, it was a dot.

I squeezed it. And the dot was swarming with liquid.

It popped.

My eyes spotted blood.
I wiped it away.

But then that bite kept itching.

So I started squeezing it. And more blood came out.

It hurt. But I kept on doing it.

The bite will now grow big and painful.

Because I kept on squeezing it.

I was hurting myself.
I could've stopped.
But I didn't.

Why?

All this I'm doing...

Is hurting myself.

"Wanna be my girlfriend?"

Oh.

Ohhhhh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh


**Yes.

Yesterday:
Curious.
Awkward.
Happy, but confused.
Jealous.
Cried in class.

Today:
Happy.
Glad.
Smiled often.
Hugs.
Laughter.

Back and forth. The same thing repeats.
So confusing.
Happiness,
depression.
Happiness,
depression.
Happines­s,
depression.

This is so hard. I can't figure out the real point.


**Do I love her or not?

Beware humans, you remember
that you have a limit.

Beware you foolish humans, you are crossing a line.
Beware idiot humans, for the shiver up your spine.

I see the ones who cross the line of human
I see the ones who push themselves to inhuman

You! You humans, are you giving me a threat?
I foreshadow your dooms, the money you bet

No creature has gone this far! Aren't you afraid?
Can't you see the destruction you already raid?

Beware! None is perfect! Be the way you are
Press to your skins and feel! The proud white scars

Enough is enough! Now beware you foolish!
Mountains are crumbling, mammals look ghoulish.

Beware you humans, I will repeat!
Until you sob in rubble of the broken streets.

Beware! The perfects who represent your knifes.
You use your brains to spoil your lifes.

Don't you growl at me, you terrible creatures!
You have no one to blame for they are your features!

Beware you humans- I repeat, beware!

**Last time I tell you, no mercy no care!

I chew on my finger constantly

It's stupid alright,
I can't stop it though.

I know it will be hard to type
I know the tips of my fingers will hurt
I know my stomach will ache from the bacteria
I know my fingers will hurt

But I can't help but doing it.



It's the same as loving her.

**Knowing it will hurt. Then keep on doing it.

Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends
Chopsticks and Friends





Until when are you going to write random things?

*Haha.

I know this sounds crazy
But I don't know how to live.
Should I get a job get a house
They don't sound persuasive.
Yes, life is weird some how
Everything all crazy
But I don't want to do nothing
I don't wanna be lazy
You reading this, you might be tilting you head
Squinting your eyes
Saying, "What is this poem?"
I'll say:
It's to fill your day with crazyness

Those

Those nimble fingers of mine

keep typing

batting against the keyboard of my old computer.

With the slurping sounds of my

lips swallowing and licking

delicious noodles my mother

made.

Waiting for the yellow to appear on that lightning sign

Which means one person has noticed me. Happy.


Switching between the tabs. I see

My science project. I hate it.

Mom behind me.

I just finished my bowl of noodles.


My daily life.


What's yours

Don't play with me like a doll you can throw away at any moment.

Don't think I'm a friend that you can betray that easily.

Don't you think I'm stupid.

Don't you think I'm stupid,

Oh no, put that down right now.

Yes, that blood -stained knife you're holding.

Yeah you. I'm talking to you.

Put it down and feel guilty about the things you've done.

Smoking? Littering? ******? Stealing? Murdering? Kidnapping?

Is it that hard!

Making this world a better place

I was a fighter when I was little.

I got angry easily
and couldn't hold my anger.
It was a big deal. I would punch and kick and pinch.

My mom would get mad at me. Spank me. Telling me to control myself.

"Control your anger,"

Yeah mom well guess what?
Maybe adults aren't really that perfect. Maybe sometimes they're wrong.

Because, now? I hold my anger too much.

I am too kind.

I feel emotionless




Now I don't even know what being mad feels like.

Worst comes. Pain strikes. Mourns ring.  Depression drowns hope to the depths of the sea. Almost.
They say there's no chance for me to rewind. That there is no such thing as "end of the road." Yeah. I know. It's true. But do I have to rewind? I know there's something across the plain. I don't let go of the grip to hope. Because I know. After pain, pain, pain. Misery, misery, misery. There is always "good," waiting for you at the end of the road.

I was very confused today.

You hung your arms around me, making an excuse, "I'm too lazy to hold my arm."
You leaned your head against my shoulder, saying, "My neck hurts."
You covered me with your arms while I put my head down.
You ate the pizza I ate out of.
You put your face close up to mine to see "if I was gay."
You called my name.
You seemed to be kinder now.
You're acting cute than usual.
You're acting different.
To me.

And I don't know if it's real. Is it for fun? Or does she at least kind of like me? Or is it just because she wants to tease me, knowing that I like her?

It's so complicated and painful to think about. What if this was all a lie?

So I've decided.


**Enjoy while I can.

I love to scroll down and like everything I see.

I don't have to read it

I just know it's good

I'm not a very good at explaining things.

But I do have amazing ideas I'd love to share.

But I'm not good at explaining.

Haha.

Once apon a time

There was a girl

And I loved her.

It was my first love.

First time feeling how it feels to love someone.

You want to hug them

Can't stay away from them

And when you think about them you smile

But my parents say it's wrong

And I know it is

But it's reeeaally hard not to love her

Not wanting to hug her

Trying to stay away from her

And to not smile when I think of her

I don't care how she thinks of this

I don't care if she thinks I'm an annoying ugly idiot goofball

But I love her soooo much

It's really hard not to

Because I do


Love

Her....

Follow me


into the depths of horror

but sweet at the same time

Our blood casts a river; a route

to our dreams and hops

Failure is another word for another try

The pain and emotion are the workers

They build our roads for us

Come follow me

Step on your flesh

Bite into it

Cry

Hope

Your attempts and hardship is your road

I am your friend to help you.

16 followers

Not much

Not much at all!

Only 16

but that number is really special for me

It shows I'm special

16

16 followers

Can you believe that?

I got my poem on the front page.

Can't believe my eyes.

Haha.

Differences in people doesn't judge if they are "good" or "bad."

There are only differences.

"Good" and "Bad" were just words that tricked you, held you from realizing that it was just, "Differences."

                                                                                            -happyhappyhappy
                                                                                                                  2/22/17

Scrolling through poetries

Finding myself in "messages"

"You seem so happy. How are you so happy all the time? Why are you so happy though?"

Someone had said to me.

Well, to be honest I don't really know how I am happy. I'm not even sure if I am.

I don't know why I always grin like a fool in front of my friends.

How I'm so positive. How I laugh and smile at everything.

Because....... I guess.......


It feels good.

To laugh rather than cry

To smile rather than frown.

To be happy when you know something isn't.

It feels comfortable.

Just smile at everything!

Be happy.

It feels like cuddling with blankets on a freezing winter. Cookies beside you.... warmth filling your body....

Like heaven..


I just smile.



Can you do me a favor....


And just smile.....

Smile....



Like nothing matters..... smile.....





Let's be happy, guys. : )

My name is Happy
I'm happy
Nothing seems to depress me
But I always wonder
Why others are depressed.

For me, life is easy.
I have a religion, family, school, home, friends.
But I don't know why others have depression.
Is it because I have never experienced misery?
Because I never have lost any of my parents?
Because my parents aren't divorced?
Because I have a regular life?
Because my life is perfect?
Because I have no deep inside sad secrets like adoption?

I really feel bad now. I feel to selfish. Some people's lives are terrible, horrible, a nightmare. and I am selfish.

You push me away, scold at my acts. Tell me I'm a ****. Idiot, stupid,
I might as just well grin at you. Beam my mischievous face at you.
But you still call me idiot.

Heh, sorry, I know you hate me. Really mad at me.
But, eh! No worries. I won't do any harm.

I lean to your face. You scowl, "Stay away. Don't even imagine, boy."
Ha! I won't kiss you once or such? I'll kiss you twice and thrice, don't care if that's not a word!

I'll follow you around(like a stalker, you tell me), smile, hoot, and do what ever I want. And still you must be really annoyed. Ha, girl.

But I'd kiss you and hug you and pat you a 'good job.' Even if you say "don't" "no" "no touchy" and give me that ugly look of yours, I won't stop bothering you. Even if you're sick and tired. Why?

Because I'm gonna be a bad boy today. But not just a 'bad boy,' a 'good bad boy' because I'm gonna fish for you're love tonight.

Heh. I love you.

And really, I'd do anything to taste that love you give back at me.

Hello!
Who ever is reading this- I have something very important to say!

You're amazing. I may not know you, but you're cool.

You're beautiful.

You're smart.

You're awesome.

You're kind.

Do you know why I'm saying this to you, even though I don't know you?

Because I know that everyone(including you) is a fantastic person.

You may not be one at this right moment, but you are.

I love you.

HELLLOOO!!
Im a crazy person!
I love you guys!
Im younger than you think!
Im weird!
Im stupid(totally)!
I hear you mumbling "What is this poem?..."
Im happyhappyhappy!
Im excited!
Im... well.... trying to make you laugh with this crazy poem!
Be happy straight down your heart!
Be crazy and weird and smart!

I am a young girl

Who just wants attention.

Is that bad?

All I want is a person- I don't care who

A person that will wait for me

That will care for me

That will wait for my responses to them

Will talk to me

Will be glad for me

Will actually notice me

I don't care if it's one of you

Why wouldn't someone, anyone random

Will care for me like I did to them?

Am I like a piece of lint that stays in their life for a second and pasts by?

I want to be important.

Even my talents I use to prove myself

Even my talents are failing me.

What do I do now?....

Somebody pleas help me.... SOS...

Please.. anybody.... read this.....

Help me....

Give me a warm hug...

Give me warm words.....

Give me hope and love like I did to others.....

From the man running in the streets, "Hi."
From the kind bus driver, "Hi."
From the lady who walks her dog everyday, "Hi."

From the wind that flies in the sky, "Hi."
And the greets of the rising sun, "Hi."
The shouts of the next door dog, "Hi."
To all the way across the world, "Hi."
Dances of the wither trees, "Hi."
Smiles stretching across my friend's face, "Hi."

From the deep inside from my heart, I say to you, yes you, "Hi."

The moon whispered to me
"Where is your past"
"Where are you"
I answered*
"Hidden beneath my foolishness"

How come when I know that it'll just hurt, I keep on laughing?

How come when I know it will be only a painful memory for me, but keep on smiling?

How come when I know that you will never love me back, I keep on loving you?

Why do I keep on smearing that fake grin on my face, when I know it's not real?

Goofy me and my goofy acts.

Sad. Despair. Pain. Misery. Tears. Cries. Scars. Anger. Broken.

But I keep on laughing.

Haha.

I look deep into the woods

"Play with me!"

Dumb looking kid waves at me.

Then she kicks me over and rolls on me and starts punching. Biting.

I run. "Who was that"

I search for myself. My real self.

I see tears               from a girl

"These isn't fair" what?

Depression. Got no time for that.

I run.

I see a fading image of a girl. This time she's with many friends.

When she reaches her hand to them- when it almost touches, they disappear. Every single one.

She cries.        I run.

Oh. Who's that?

Me? That foolish kid?

With crowds of friends?

Best friends?

Is she dumb? Doesn't she know that they will once go away?

Especially.... she knows.... that friend......... the one she liked so much, almost loved.......

Will leave her.... like told before.....


Foolish! Foolish! Idiot! What are you doing there!

What am I doing? I'm suppose to be looking for myself!

Oh.



Ohhhhhhhh.....






That's me.

You know

I wish I never knew you.

I wish I never loved you.

I wish I never saw you.

Before, I thought it was okay to hurt myself.
I said, "It's okay you can handle this."

I tried to get used to the pain.

But I realized
After a several weeks,

That handling was useless.

You were too much pain for me.

Hey,

I'm sorry I was ever in your life.

I'm sorry I ever urged my feet to go sit with you at lunch.

I'm sorry I ever met you

I'm sorry

I

I

*I'm sorry I loved you.

I hate myself.
I hate you.

I hate you as much as I hate myself.

**I hate myself for still loving you.

I hate this. I hate everything.

I hate that ideas are leaking out of my brain, I hate that I'm becoming more dumber each second. Is that even a word?

I hate that annoying mouth of mine. I hate it when I spit out a word and I immediately regret it.

I hate it when my emotions take over, and make me drunk of them. I hate it when anger and sadness fight to take over my brain.

I hate it when I can't express my feelings. I hate that I can't explain. I hate that I regret.

I hate randomness. I hate that that site won't let me write stories because my email is wrong or something. I hate that my friend is salty.

I hate that my life isn't going the way I want it to. I hate that no one cares for me. I hate that they lie.

But then again, what can I do? This is life,

And I must learn to love **it.

I know I'm not allowed to.

I know I'm not allowed to love you.
But I did.

I know wasn't suppose to love you.
But I did.

I know it was against rules.
But I did.

But I love you so much
My heart aches on every second I'm not with you.

I love you. I know I love you. I want to hug you, pat your hair, say "I love you" and confess my feelings.
But I know I'm not allowed to love you.

These feeling clod up my heart. My heart hurts. When I see you I just can't seem to see you directly in the eyes. Because I'm scared that all love you too much, too much, but I'm not allowed to. And when I know I'm not allowed to.

But I still love you.

The swift of your hair, the scent of your body, the touch of your hands.

Every time you touch me, I know it's a touch, but I can't help but dreaming of your pink lips.

How tragic. A person. Who is not allowed to love another person. Loved that person.

I can't let go of my love for you.
They say to think of you as a normal friend. But I can't help but grin at you and allow my heart to beat when I see you.

I must confess it one day. One day.

I know you're leaving me. So I'll say it on that day. That day you're leaving.

"I love you."

I know you'll do it.
Leave a like.

Im gonna say it today

Im gonna tell her tonight

Im gonna confess it right now

Now

And hoping this poem reaches her

"I love you. For real."

To my friends

I laugh a lot

I always smile

And grin

And grin some more.

I always joke around

And laugh at everything I see

I act

Happy.

Filled with joy

And all that

was to hide my sorrows. And to make them disappear.

It was a habit I couldn't stop.

When ever I said, "I'm going to act serious today."
When something bad happened to me I said, "I'll tell my friends. I'll cry." "I'll show them my inner."

But I always end up smiling and laughing. I just can't help but doing that. Not being serious.

Even when I tell a sad story or explain depression, I smile.


And maybe that was wrong.

Maybe I should've showed them my inner.

Maybe then my friends wouldn't know me as just a silly girl who laughs everyday.

Because friends,

I have what's called feelings too.

I have what's called dark past.

I have experienced death with family.

6 of them.

You might have never known.

The dark side of your friend.

That friend who giggled and laughed and smiled and leaned on you and always seemed happy.

I know what misery is!

I too have kept secrets from you all!

I......

I have feelings, okay?

Most people complain that they are hideous.
Terrifyingly ugly.

They groan at the sight of their face and frown with displeasure.

"I want a straighter nose." "My eyes are ugly!" "I wish my lips were more smaller."

And they change it. Not a natural change, though. A change that occurs knifes and scissors and all sorts of tools.

I'm not saying I disagree with their choices. I don't want to be mean. Even I don't consider myself "pretty."

Look. At the mirror. Stop complaining to the beautiful face your parents gave you.

You might not see the beauty right at this moment

Because it's hidden

But there always a beautiful face in everyone.

Don't say you are ugly.

Because you just might not be at that moment.

You may be hiding it yourself. Embarrassed to show the beauty.

You might just not have realized

That wonderful beauty your body was hiding from you that whole entire time!

So don't say "ugly" "hideous" "terrible."

In my eyes... everyone looks the same..... the same kindness... the same beauty... in my eyes everyone looks beautiful...

And you are too.

I was always happy. Cool, calm.
Tried to keep positive.
But things aren't turning out that way these days.

It seems stupid. For me to be feeling this way.
It's not like me. There's something. It keeps on bubbling up in my mind.
Yes, I'm still happy. Or act like it.

I feel left out. Like a extra. And suddenly words don't seem what they really mean to say. Left out. Left out. My brains rings with confusion.
"It's a part of life." They say.

Sure! I believe them. I'm just. Struggling. The world seems darker, and friends seem more evil than I thought. Is it only me?

"They. Her. She. Them." All my friends. No "we, us." Let me just say. One is loved. One is talked about. One is liked. One is popular. And this one... isn't. Then again, "It's a part of life."

I like my friends. They don't like me back. They don't call my name. They don't notice me. They don't want to be partners with me.

I am the only one who reaches. I think they are fantastic friends. And I wonder what they think of me. One leans on other. They smile and pat. I lean on one. They don't enjoy. Joke like. But no.

Am I different? I hope one of my friends can read this and see my inner. Is it just me? My cries shout out on my fingers as I type. Am I not the same! Am I separated! Do I not fit!

It feels stupid. These thoughts. Crawling to me at night, seeping into my thoughts. I feel like a extra. A one that doesn't matter if is gone.

But these thoughts. Don't worry. Just. I guess "It's a Part of Life."