i am so lonely. i
could hear the ticking
drag on and on until
i am forced to deal with
the thoughts in my head

and they are not pretty.
in the same way that you
have chosen me not
for my looks, but maybe
just by circumstance.

we were at the right place
at the wrong time. it only
felt wonderful at the start
and we watched as it slowly
receded to nothing.

but i also want to write without you.
i want to escape your pages and feel
the rough texture of my own. soon,
when all the want has vanished and the
thoughts i have can be fully unraveled,
when the flowers have wilted and dawn
has reached its maximum fluorescence,
when the pebbles stop skipping and we
cease to be a single entity, bound by
ink and rhyme, rhyme, rhyme,
then finally, I can be my own lines
my own paper, my own spine
my own verse, my own free soul.

i.
if you ever decide to disturb my life again
know that not only will i keep the door double-locked,
i will also put ***** traps under every step leading there.

ii.
you only had to say four words.
they didn't even have to be in chronological order,
but just enough to make a sliver of sense.

iii.
she was never just a fictional character come to life.
you were never just the attractive misfit that stole her heart.
i was always just the expendable one, disregarded at the soonest moment.

what am i feeling?

i feel our whispers
even though i have to strain to hear them.

i feel our touches
as if vast stretches of land and water didn't separate us.

i feel our love
beneath layers and layers of uncertainty

and it feels real.

the chamomile is waiting
it's groggy with sleep
it resembles the liquid
slipping out as you weep

what an unholy hour to fight
the sun isn't even enough
to distract us from the harshness
to call off this entire bluff

why did i wake up today?
why weren't you there?
did i somehow remind you
of your last vivid nightmare?

are we still talking?
what's it about?
i just want to crawl under the sheets again
and never come back out.

with guns and knives stowed in our suits
we may be called as sons of brutes
but even in this place of fright
we find our state of pure delight

delight me with your cunning smile
which makes false countries reconcile
firm grip and all that attitude
young girls will hope that you'd include

include them in your precious mind
and never leave them far behind
it must have been your glorious hair
that makes them stop and love and stare

stare at your retreating back
with me as selfish and intact
in truth, when all is said and done
you only have to raise your gun

Whenever you feel all alone and unwanted
Emotions are running, they leave you more daunted
Just let me come closer and make you feel better
Who knows who you want to be when we’re together

Who knows what tomorrow might deem us deserving
You might not endure this whole self (not) preserving
I won’t let tomorrow keep wasting your fine art
While I know there’s something that’s wrong with your glass heart

The heart moves in rhythms you can’t comprehend; yet
Your eyes let me know it’s not up for discernment
Just let me make sense of the mess in your head and
We’ll thrive in our solitude; blissful and golden

Let’s leave before sunrise comes prancing on over
Before you might change your firm will to recover
Come let us be gone before twilight’s proceedings
It’s quite hard to see what a fear you've been fleeing