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A poem about gravity
I know he’s going to break my heart
I tell everybody that I know that it’ll come
I tell them, to tell myself
Maybe I’ll remember
Maybe he’ll run
Maybe I’ll run
Maybe just maybe, there’s a future but I’m afraid to feel that way.
Because
maybe I feel too hard,
maybe I feel too much, maybe I haven’t felt this way in a long time,
maybe that’s why I’m terrified.
I know it’s going to hurt, he’s already hurt me.

My walls are down, I know his are not.
I wish I could keep mine up,
but oh boy, it’s too late.
No relationship is ever certain
No love is ever promised
No life isn’t confusing as hell.
Always “love on me”
Never “I love you”
Hail, rain, warm nights, street lights, sunrise bedroom kisses, warmth, cold
- sometimes so cold, and Pleasure, and so vague,
social, no PDA, but then he grabs my hand and we walk together.

W T F is this, why do I want it so badly when I know it’s only gonna hurt me.
Why did I allow my heart to be open enough to be broken?
I’m still trying to put my own pieces back together, I didn’t and don’t need this.
But it’s truly everything I want.

Him, his black hole of a bed, those windows, those eyes that are **** galaxies.
They show so much, I can read them but not all of them,
sometimes they shift to a far off world that I have not been invited to.
But I want to know what’s going on behind those gorgeous galactic windows to a planet and soul that I will probably never get to visit.

Why, when I know, this is going to crush me.
Tear me apart in ways I know are coming,
Why do I come back and leave my heart on the floor, begging for more.
Why can’t I stop falling in love with a dark matter in the Universe?
Why does it already hurt but hasn’t even happened yet?
I am the light, orbiting the black hole,
Knowing full well I’m being ****** in,
And to my own detriment,

I circle it and am bracing for the inevitable-
But I’m also already ****** into his gravity.
…for or about J
One day I want to write sweet love letters again.
One day I want to find those words again.
One day I want to feel them again.
One day I want to not fear them again.
The world, the want, the person, the feelings.
I love you and I hate you.
But your memories are sad as suffocating as the most coziest blanket I’ve ever known.

You will always wrap/write my heart with our  past.
Love, S.
thank you moonlight
      for this perfect gift-  
         this spirit inside of me
            
                        unbounded
so much love
           in so much light
               illuminate my darkness!
you and I have become one
           waxing and waning
               the same cycle
your light
           your love
                translucent
       -teach me your ways
              almighty soul
for I have become
           you.
and I am only
      what you know of to be me.
for Y.ou
Dear one drink too many,
It seems that you want to hurt me.
Like it's your art, your passion-
You are good at poking me-
it's breaking me.
(I know you hurt)
It's our foundation breaking down.
These foundations I thought were strong, strong enough for the **** thrown at them.
But that foundation breaks down everytime
Brick by brick, I'm afraid it's weak now.
what did we build this on, actually?

I know that you know pain,
Far beyond what I can comprehend.
(Please don't push me away)

I know pain in a different way,
One of constant neglect
and of being a non necessity .

Please don't make me feel unnecessary

I know you don't NEED me,
But I don't want to feel un-needed-
                            -anymore.
Please
Love, s.
I am not happy
I don't think
That I have ever been.

There are moments.
Weeks even,
Where I think that I am.
                 Content.

And then it hits me again.
It's not your fault
Nor anyone before you.

The problem is me,
My own self.

I've lost so much
That I have loved-
Most of it.
My own doing.

I let things (people) go,
I'm sorry I let it go so easily.

I never am going to win.
Especially when,
I'm playing against myself.
I hurt still and I can't even tell you
Why does every
Journal entry
Of mine
Begain
with a question?

And if I'm only
Asking myself
Why can't I find
The answers?
I don't need or want a tough guy. Please just be yourself, as you are, with your big heart. I love you perfectly imperfect the way we both are, be mine. I don't care about the rest. I am yours.
All yours, Aaron.
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