It seems that every time my mind wanders to the thought of you,
My heart literally begins to hurt.
But I'm not trying to be immature about it,
I literally have chest pains that are usually caused by high stress levels.
You know sometimes just the thought of you makes me want to swallow a knife,
But I was diagnosed with a mental disorder a long time ago.
So don't you worry if I actually do.
Quite frankly, as far as everyone else is concerned,
It wasn't and couldn't have been your fault.
You know some nights after we argue I cry myself to sleep,
But don't you worry about that,
I've been called worse things by you before.
It seems as though this relationship has put both of us in quite the predicament,
With two people sitting pretty on the edge of insanity,
It probably won't end well.
But don't you worry about that either dear,
Because we're both already dead anyway.

I began writing this at noon
And I didn't know how to begin it
All I knew was that there was nothing that could get you off my mind
So my mind wandered aimlessly through its skewed memories of you,
As it always does
Until it abruptly stopped on the day you left for the first time

I saw the signs in every curve and crack
It said it in every detail in your face,
That was so apparent in the dull light
"I don't love you any-more"
The look of disdain on my face was so perfectly familiar to you
And the sulk in your step as you walked away was brand new to me  

So here I am over a year after you turned and left for the first time
Retracting my steps wondering where it all went wrong and why
Drowning myself in my own thoughts
And from time to time,
I think I know why the thought of you makes me cry
But then I remember
That the real you was never even mine

You stole my heart when
You first said my name
You broke my heart when
You left me

Her voice screamed
"You have no reason to be depressed
Your life is just fine"
But she doesn't know that my mind
Constantly rots away because of it and
She doesn't know that my heart
Is always filled with doubt
And all I need her to understand
Is that my life may be fine
But I am not

My head is crowded
With thoughts of you
Like how your subtle smirk
Can light up an entire room
Or how your eyes glisten
When you see something you love
And how they never do that
When you look at me