I was so scared to lose you
Now I have
But I'm still breathing, I survived
You're still there but it's not the same
It may never be the same
I'm starting to realise that's okay
Our love was as deep as the night sky
But even the most beautiful stars fade away sometimes
The shards of my chest are still tender
But I know we will become stronger
I want to be the person I'm meant to be
I guess we were a little too comfortable, now we have no choice
I will live, I will live, I will live
And so will you
We will shine again
Maybe in different galaxies
But always connected
Perhaps a broken constellation
Can be mended in new ways
I want you to be happy
You deserve it
I want to be happy
I want to overcome my demons
I am strong
It took losing you to realise it
I can do this
I no longer need you in that same crazed way
I will grow, I will grow, I will grow
I will become the most beautiful thing in the sky
And when time heals my wounds
I will be grateful you set me free.

I feel like there's a shard of glass puncturing my heart sinking deeper and deeper, with each resurfaced memory it bleeds more and more. I wonder if I'll ever stop crying, if this longing to talk to you, the desperation to make you change your mind will ever go away. I still love you, I wish I didn't. I want to forget, I would even settle for being numb but I feel things on a grand scale and I can't tie every memory of you into a box like I want to. You want to be my friend but when did you stop wanting to be my lover? I know deep down this is for the best but I don't know if I can live with this ache, this pain. I want to overcome my demons but this weight on my chest makes it hard to breathe, I'm drowning. I want you to love me again, please. I can't believe that you could just stop loving me just like that. What about everything we shared, everything we've been through?  I know you have your demons too but I'd help you if you let me. Reality is, we just weren't working out together anymore. You weren't my perfect fit for right now anymore. Somewhere along the way we lost touch, too consumed by our own problems. I let my guard down and you gave up. I'm in pieces, doing my best to pretend to be okay even though it feels like you're stabbing me every time you refer to me as your friend. I don't want to be your friend.  I don't think I can be your friend. I want to love you. But I can't. I know I have to love myself first but right now all I feel is pain. You caused it. You've dragged me down to hell and left me to face it on my own. Why? Why did you do this to me? You always said you wouldn't be fine and although you cried and said it wasn't easy for you either it seems like you have no cares in the world. You don't love me. I wish I could say the same. Someday, in time, I'm sure I will. But right now I can't see past everything I'm feeling. It's New Year's Eve, I should be going out with my friends, having a good time, forgetting about you. I know you will be forgetting about me. You probably already have. But I can't do it, I can't face my friends and tell them why you're not there. I can't lose myself in the sweet surrender of alcohol like most people. I wish, I wish, I wish. But wishing is pointless. Tomorrow is a new day, the new year and I will learn to let you go. The day will come and I won't cry anymore. I'll think of you and everything we had and I'll be happy. I'll be happy without you. Thinking about you won't feel like having a gun pointed at my head. I'll get better and I'll move on and maybe we'll be okay again.  I just wish it wasn't so hard for me to feel okay now.

I've spent all day cry(i)ng
My heart is broken
Going numb
You're right
I've known for a long time
But I always thought
Our love was stronger than anything
I love you
I always will
Even if you (d)on't
Even if you're happier with(o)ut me
I want you to be happy
You deserve it
It was(n)'t fair
I los(t) myself in you
You didn't ask for that
I placed too much (w)eight on your shoulders
When you h(a)d
Your ow(n) burdens
(T)o bare
I miss you so
There are ghos(t)s of
Y(o)u everywhere I look
Every corner of my (b)rain
I was so scar(e)d to live without you
(B)ut now you've left
Me no cho(i)ce
I have (t)o find my own way, I know
I wan(t)ed to be
The girl you deserv(e)
But now I have to do it fo(r) myself.

(I don't want to be bitter)

You held my hand
You told me we weren't going to work
You still like me
You still want to be my friend
But you don't love me
Your voice cracked
When you whispered no
And I can't believe
You'd fall out of love with me so quickly
You said you've been thinking about it for a while, me too
But to me being with you was worth all the upset and the waiting
Being with you was bliss
Was
It hurts to think of us as past tense
You said this wasn't my fault
We tried our best but I'd be happier without you
It was my first relationship
You said everyone goes through this
You said I'll be fine without you
You said forever once
You said I was the most important person to you in the world
You said you've never loved anyone else like me
You said you'd love me
You said you'd always be there
You said
You said
You said goodbye.

All week
I've been counting down the days, hours, minutes
Until I see you again
And now
One nights sleep
One bus journey
Is all that lies between us
Yet, I feel as if the space is as vast as the galaxy
Will it ever end?
Even shooting stars burn out
No matter how bright they once were
Time makes them fade
Not all wounds can heal
Or perhaps
There was too much fire?
Perhaps our flames engulfed each other
Until only ashes remained
For a girl who loves words so much
I can't help but feel
I am too careless with mine
I can't help but feel
I'm spread too thin
I can't help but feel
We have all the weight of the universe on our shoulders
And our time is running out
We may never reach each other
You are the brightest star in my galaxy
I want so desperately
To be the sun you deserve
But I'm no longer certain
I can stitch us back together
And save myself as well
I need you in my life, my guiding star, centering me (mostly),
My best friend
But I am lost
Nothing but particles and dust
I don't think you have the energy to find me
It's hard enough to keep my own dim light alive
But I'm waiting (please hold on)
I'm all burnt out (and fading)
I can't save us on my own.

It's too much for me
This life is too heavy a burden to bare
I can't deal with this constant fear
I can't deal with anxiety and panic
Clawing up my throat
Strangling me from the inside out
It feels like it's getting worse
It feels like it's taking over my life
I don't have the energy
To fight anymore
A ten year war with yourself
Is enough to destroy anyone
I feel like I've gone mad
Something's gone wrong in me
Something's irreparably broken
I want to give up
I don't want to struggle anymore
Swallow me whole
My worst enemy
My biggest fear
Myself
Take all that's left
I wave my white flag
Consume
Gone
The End.

I honestly can't describe
How much it means to have you by my side
Supporting me, guiding me
Being my light
Through my darkness moments
Patiently bringing me back
Always searching for a way to solve my problems
Standing with me
Every step of the way
Even if there is no solution
You are my rock, my heart, my soul
I am the most me when I'm with you
The most real
You bring out every emotion in me
From euphoric to heart broken despair
No matter how much I try to contain it
You don't mind when I stain your shirts with tears
Or cling onto you to stay grounded
And I wish, I wish, I wish
I could show everyone
I wish I could find the words
To tell you, to tell the world
Just how incredible you really are
You are the oxygen I breathe
You are the gravity pulling me back to earth
You are the love of my life
And I will never let you go.

(I just want to love you and love you and love you.)