Who is the fool?
We are playing a game.
One of us is it.
Who is it?

I chase you in circles when,
I pin you underneath my thighs
Thrusting myself into self proclaimed
Victory.
But,
you escape.

And now, I am the hunted.
You sneak through open doors
Blinding any semblance
Of a vision
I had to be free.

Free of these games
Free of you

I walk away forfeiting
Only for you to remind me
Of the moments where
I almost
Had you.
And the game starts
Again.

You say the fool is me.
I say the fool is you.

I don’t know who is winning.
I do know
Be careful with a fool.

****, you feel good.
Your mouth on mine,
******* all my love
Off my lips.

I know better.
I know being with you takes my soul to dark places.
But, once you start,
I can’t stop.

Every forceful touch,
Every heavy breath,
I willingly
Ask You
....
Devour
Me.

But then what are we left with?

Sleep has lost me.
Desperately
trying to remember the steps
of how I once was there,
how in the beginning I felt so safe
I could melt
and dream
in her comfort,
I am awake
on the edge of the bed.
I stare
unable to find my way back
wondering
how I ever found her to begin with.

In between city buildings
Streets filled with crowded bodies,
Loneliness fills my ears like the high pitched frequency of silence.
I sit in my car staring at the landscape of apartments hovering one
on top
of the other

Desolate like a desert of cement.

My body thirsts for contact.
My heart for meaning.

Monarchs come in seasons.
They migrate.
Making journeys so unimaginable
With the the ***** of their tiny wings.

You were the air.
I could feel you everywhere
Even when you were nowhere.

Your attention
Was exhilarating.
Raising the hair on my body
As my heart began to soar.

I was swept in your breeze.
Making the journey
The only one you can make
When you have
butterflies
in your stomach.

But then I remembered butterflies
Those **** butterflies
Only came for the season
Leaving with the current of the wind.

I sit on her couch
Sipping *****
from some mixed concoction
Scrolling through the social media experiences
meant to be a self reassurance
of how good we have it
when it’s just so
******* hard.

These little positives accumulated
to remind myself
that even in the midst of my hardest trials,
don't get caught in the failures
but relish in the triumphs.

I don’t even look at the other feeds
so self absorbed
at reminding myself
that each day my hustle
will be rewarded with the ultimate win: love.
But success isn’t love... or a like
and every minute I spend self absorbed on what I don’t have
I miss out
on the minute to minute love
I receive with each interaction
from people I share space with.
Life isn’t a feed.
Life isn’t happiness every day.
Life isn’t measured by the have or have nots.
Life is this moment.
Life is this experience
and the decisions we make in them.

So I closed the phone
and listened
to her
sing.

She wasn’t doing it for the hashtag
or the like
and I listened.

Sipping on my *****,
closing my eyes.
I didn’t care what was seen
as long as she kept sharing
this moment with me.

The feed.

I walk through the doors certain,
My decision determined.
Wishing I still had the keys
to some getaway car,
I lift my head
Just to see open arms
and sunflowers.
Smiles light up the room.
Gratitude for the time I spent,
Blessed at being accepted,
Reminiscent of all the good,
the fulfillment of knowing I will be missed,
Excited at the future I’m headed.
Glad there is no chaotic twist,
I walk out towards my car
And get in.
Unafraid of glancing at the rear view,
I smile and drive forward.