How am I suppose to go to sleep when you're crawling around my brain?
Picking and choosing memories to play for me
I rather have nightmares than spend another night dreaming about you.

my blood is curdled by sin
my heart beats a toxic tune that the devil whistles while he works on my shoulder.
it drives me mad,while all the angels dance with pitch forks around my head
there is no savior for me
God has forgotten about me a long time ago

Oscar Wilde once said something about death that i can no longer remember, but I know it was beautiful.
it had something to do with how there’s no more today or tomorrow.
how time becomes irrelevant
there is no more past
there is no more future
it’s just you
the wildflowers
and the soft spring breeze

I jump at ever single noise. I'm afraid of anything and everything
I just wish it wasn't like that

i haven't left my bed in almost 2 days
the blankets keep me sheltered and safe
there's love in these blankets
here i am free to be me
free to be black
free to be gay
just free
there is no one telling me to "go pick cotton" or to "get to the back of the bus"
i'm allowed to love who i want without worrying someone is going to throw a brick at me
there are no slurs in here
i'm free
*i'm safe

I have blisters on my feet
From chasing after your "I love you's"
I asked the doctor if I was experiencing phantom voice syndrome
She just shrugged her shoulders and said "kid you can't live in the past forever"
But every time I pass the skid marks on the interstate I swear I hear you screaming
Now I have blisters on my feet
Chasing the voice of a ghost

getting drunk on the thought of you on a friday night
simple, yet lovely
twirling around my room
a vision of you, spread out in the dazzling sunlight
filters through my mind
i can almost touch you, almost hold you in my arms
you are so beautiful
don't leave
saturday morning, hungover but still thinking of you

She was in church thinking about him, praying God wouldn't notice
He had cut open her chest to steal her heart
She tried to fill the empty space by planting wild flowers in her lungs
Wild flowers wrapped around her lungs
She had become an overgrown garden
Lungs collapsing, begging for forgiveness one last time

I want to kiss the side of your neck and leave it at that
I want to leave warm kisses all over your neck
I want to turn a few minutes of making out into hours of finding love
I want to give you goosebumps, turning your skin into braille
Writing a poem about the ****** of our love

I dare you to tell the truth.
Tell the truth for once in your life
Stop telling everyone those sickly sweet lies everyone wants to hear
Tell the ******* truth.
I double dog dare you to tell the truth.
Tell the truth about that night
Stop telling everyone what they want to hear
Just tell the ******* truth
I dare you to tell the truth
I dare you
I dare you
I dare you
tell the truth

would you rather be dead or haunted by all your past mistakes?
would you rather be dead or haunted by lost loves?
would you rather be dead or haunted by a future you’ll never have?
*would you rather be dead or haunted?

What if one day all the pictures you had of me suddenly didn't exist?
What if you heard my favorite song and you knew the words but you could't figure out why you knew the words? Would you write it off as it just being a catchy song or would you think, think about all the memories and all the laughter bubbling around you. Slowly suffocating you, forcing you to remember what you did to me. What would you do if you ran into my mother and you couldn't look her in the eye because you know what you did. It was never me, it was always you. It was give give give and take take take. Now I'm giving you every single memory because you can't feign memories, they'll always hold a candle light in the back of your mind

I burned every single thing
all the journals, all the pens
all the pillows
the blankets, the sheets
even my skin
if you touched it, I scorched it
I burnt everything until all I had left was a pile of smoldering black ash
I had to fight fire with fire or you would have turned me into rubble

you sing sweetly to me almost every night
you make me nervous
but in a good way
i love you to the moon and never back

Spread out on worn silk sheets
Listening to Billie Holiday
A cup of tea goes cold
Wrapped together in one blanket
Turning two into one
Filling the small space with love
All on a Friday afternoon

i wouldn't have taken so many pills
one after another
after another
and another
and then just one more
i wouldn't have swallowed my sadness
i wouldn't have had to feel the burn in my throat as i threw up
i wouldn't have to carry this secret around that i tried to **** myself last spring
i just wouldn't

Most people hoard items
I hoard memories
a leaf you picked up
a valentines day card you made
Most people hoard items
I hoard "I love you's"
The first "I love you" that was whispered on my roof
The last "I love you" that was screamed in your room at your mom's house
Most people try to explain away their hoarding
I can't do that I can't explain why I'm hoarding the past