He had a way of turning white to black
And contaminating the pure
A smile up front, a stab to the back
Making certainty so unsure

He could turn the future into the past
Find coincidence out of fate
Promise a forever that would not last
And turn a great love into hate

With him there were no losers or winners
There was only the weak and strong
Saw his sins as less than sinners
Was always right and never wrong.

I learned the meaning of "absolute,"
An early morning in December.
It's carved right into my very soul;
So there's no effort to remember.

It is scarred and crusted over now
And yet, it still seems to hurt no less,
Than the day I had to just give up
And give up all hope to hopelessness.

Some hearts just will never be altered
But mine is not what it used to be
The day I learned what "absolute" was,
Made me a sadder version of me.

The sun drained a little more out
Of me today
Exchanged for the dim lit space

How good it was to return
With salt swept eyes
Into the cold to sleep

Tossing crazy thoughts all about
I cannot say
Enough about this safe place

Where we go,  fog-ged to learn
What holds the skies
Also what makes them weep

How a dream can take the subtlest things
We dont register in the day
And make them play like a movie
In the most fantastical way

Strange creatures that sing Sinatra
And fuzzy slippers in the snow
A camp party with beer gardens
Faces we know but do not know

Always looking for the bathroom
Where the gay men pray for me
And everyone there is naked
Yet while I know this I don't see

Upstairs to get left-over food
"Will you get in the picture too?"
"Oh no," I say, "I don't belong."
And there's just so much to do.

A lawn mower that's finally fixed
But is barricaded just so
It takes a very funny man
Knocking down everything to go

And he plops me in the bucket
While my love walks along beside
Saying I'm not pretty enough
He'd rather a mail order bride

A pickup truck....the color red
Which being sober I must drive
After admiring the city cats
That keep the handicapped alive

Right after the hall of xmas trees
That even Satan would admire
Filled with all the chattering squirrels
That stare at me as they conspire

I keep watch over my shoulder
Certain someone is there behind
I wake and make perfect sense of
All the oddities of my mind.

When all the stars are in their proper place
And the dead ones have given up their space
When equality and equity are one and the same
And goodness is sought for in place of fame
When we are able to redact our every mistake
And truly learn lessons from every heartbreak
It will be the day when the immortals die
And their souls rise up to embrace the sky

The atmosphere has always pulled on me
Like a single sparkle in tall grass at night
To discover the flight of soul
It whispers of great things in the wind
Tugging always against my gravity, the
world, and what is called reality.
I must learn to fly.

It is a sacred place
Where statues of memories stand
And familiar voices echo from wells
Where the wind blows the dandelions
To grow the falling stars
That I wish upon