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  Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
a rose by any other name would smell as sweet

dear percocet,

i love you, destroy me.
leave me breathless, leave me light
rip the inhibition away along with my sadness,
you are a highway full of toll roads  i'll never get off of
with a very clear, dark destination
(you're worth it)
someone on the internet said that love is defined by sacrifice

what wouldn't i give?

"Percocet can slow or stop your breathing. An overdose can be fatal."
  Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
1) you're going to need to know how to stop slurring and how to walk straight. be able to say the alphabet backwards when you're even close to unconsciousness, know when to stop ******* driving.
2) sleep will be either the most evasive or clinging lover. when you are awake for six days, write. when you are about to sleep for two, make sure you are on your side.
3) when the money is gone, you need to learn how to leave your body when they enter it. eventually you won't be able to feel a thing. but know that when you're sober she touches you a year later, you won't be able to feel it.
4) ******* won't be as good as getting high. don't feel like a genius when you wake up and have that idea.
5) your lovers and friends will all be addicted. drugs will become the only **** or interesting thing to you. years later, you'll still crave the taste of opiates on her tongue.
6) some of them will die. you won't be able to cry.
7) instead, you will be completely numb for weeks and you won't be able to tell the difference between the dope and the pain.
8) the dope will eventually become the pain.
9) it will never **** the pain.
10) lose all self respect now. lose all timidness.
11) don't forget you will lose all freedom in your search for it.
sorry if this *****
  Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
you go to bed believing everything will be different
but then you wake up
and nothing
ever
is
  Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
should i shave my head female
symptoms of a psychotic break
amber rose twerks to *** drop
hot bald women
how to will your hallucinations away
should i shave my head quiz
what does it mean if i can't feel anything again
borderline personality disorder and psychotic breaks
bipolar disorder and psychotic breaks
ptsd and psychotic breaks
jeremih down on me
facebook
overcoming bitterness ptsd
how to force yourself to stick to the goals you set
malaria
tegan and sara walking with a ghost
sad people smoking cigarettes youtube
******* myself and not make anyone sad
  Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
i love the way it feels to throw up,
all burning and hoarse throats and saliva and stench;
an ephemeral reminder that you have insides and that they work.

and trust me, when you tell someone you have to puke
they get out of your ******* way

and your body
will do it's best
to get all the bad out
because no matter how hard you try it just keeps finding its way in
when your voice isn't loud enough and words like no
or stop
or please
start feeling like using an umbrella made of newspaper in a thunderstorm.

wastebaskets full of bile and half-digested bits of whatever you had for breakfast
are your nauseous little body's final declaration of
yeah,
**what is happening to me is definitely not ******* okay
  Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
would you still love me if i wasn't soft and beautiful?

i hate feeling like i can't move my own mountains,
like i am waiting to hand someone else the shovel
or whatever the **** people use to move mountains.
i hate how much i hate my sweat,
i want it to pour, i want to drown in my stick and my stink
but instead i will smell like baby powder and cocoa butter kiss and va va vanilla.

my nails are short and a little bit yellow
i wear baseball tees and flannel and i can drink like a man

but my doors are still being opened,
old men still love me,
my mountains
are all still being moved
without me
  Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
one time
i was in the third grade
mrs. jernigan's class
i answered a question on the board
i dont remember the question but the answer was he'll
and i wrote it on the board w a smelly blue expo marker
and smiled so big when i walked back to my seat
trusting every person who told me i was smart
and everyone who said i was pretty
and then everyone
in mrs. jernigan's third grade class laughed
because instead of he'll,
the contraction that would grant me power and status
in mrs. jernigan's third grade class,
i had written
hell

and then the smelly little dude in front of me, keith,
turned around and said
"your ***** are too big
for your shirt"
being little ***** forreal
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