It’s strangely busy around the deathbeds,
as well it’s my last nightshift of the year.
I try to make no noise, can you hear me?
Push my hand, if you can, move a limb.
Your breath is so slow, please keep going,
monitors flash in time with the ventilator.
I’ll control the pupils, I know it’s blinding.
No one goes with their sparkling old eyes,
we are usually fading before we are dying.

I belong with the salt and the sea,
the moon lures me offshore tirelessly.
With the tides I am stuck in between,
where the shore and the seabed meet.

On my way home from the christmas market, the air is heavy from the scent of sweet chestnuts. A cheerful crowd moves towards the flashing lights in the distance. I catch last glimpses of rosy faces and plush woolen hats. Out of balance from a few mugs of mulled wine, my feet slide across the sparkling ground. The street lanterns die out, taking all the warmth with them, making place for the frost to creep in. My breath rises in silver mist into the night and fades into nothingness,
just like myself.

I wish they were happy. I wish they found peace, the both of them. I wish they had never broken up, so I wouldn't have left.

I wish she knew her worth and didn’t cope by isolating herself. I wish she forgave her parents and focused on her health.

I wish he wouldn't burst out into rage so often. I wish he had a friend to share his thoughts with instead of the bottle.

I wish they didn’t have a justification for it all. I wish they didn't blame me for all their dreams that have failed.

I wish I could be better and be happy myself.

Don´t we adore the flawless and illusory pure,
but do we truly trust in cloudless views?

There’s a common liking of what is unscathed
but I’m weak for the dust and debris in you.

You taught me to see beauty in the broken,
healed my mind, like sandpaper and glue.

Maybe you changed me for the better,
for my restoration atelier is finally in use.

It’s winter solstice inside,  
they say there will be light
even after the darkest hours,
can’t wait for my springtime.