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 Jul 2018
MalakF
I feel the need to apologise for the way that I am.
I have no control, as if I was a computer programme.
I’m sorry that the slightest thing can shift my mood,
I’m sorry I can be impulsive and have a bad attitude.

This inappropriate anger is not intentional
and I swear to god
I know it’s unacceptable.

My friendships are a rollercoaster,
it’s practically bipolar.
One second I’m all lovey dovey
and the other second it will be as if you were never my buddy.

This is who I am and I hate it.
I’m sorry I’m like this,
I’m sorry I see no bliss.
 Jul 2018
abby
We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love
We are exactly who we are supposed to be
 Jan 2018
MJS
Mind turning,
Every cog in my brain whirling.
Every thought and emotion explored,
Nothing ignored.
Constant analysis
What I need is paralysis.

SLEEP!!!
3am and hardly any sleep for 2 days.
 Jan 2018
MJS
I remove my emotions, shut down my heart.
No longer allow life to trouble me because that’s how it all starts.

[I CLOSE MY EYES, THE COLD BLADE SLIDES CUTTING DEEP. WITH ONE SLICE EVERYTHING CHANGES]

Anxiety grips and takes control pulling everything down into this tiny black hole.
No use fighting just go with the flow.
You will rise again and go on with the show...

[THE BLOOD FILLS THE SPACE CREATED BY THE SCLICE. AT FIRST A TRICKLE AND THEN EBBING FURTHER AWAY FROM LIFE]

I place myself in this cage to preserve my life. From the outside I appear cruel and riddled with strife.

[I STARE AT THE RIVER OF RED. MY EYES START TO CLOSE, HEAVY EYES. MY MIND FEELS FREE]

I fight this battle every day.
My fight, my rules...
I will always find a way to win...

My cage is my way....
 Jan 2018
MJS
I lay awake
1000 thoughts stealing my only relief
For when I sleep I feel no grief
I am
not sad
not angry
I am
alone
I feel nothing

I crave the nothingness like a ****** his fix,
the internal bliss of this illness
an epidural for the mind.
 Jan 2018
MJS
Stuck in this hell hole with no hope of a rope.

I am here but no one hears me
I am sinking like I can't cope.

If only they knew how much I wanted out,
If only...
If only they could understand my pain,
if only...
If only they knew I couldn't leave,
If only....

Climbing up from the depth of doubt
My mind can't take any more and I know this
If only I could focus and solve this
Why is this hard
shouldn't it be easy
Please, I need to find a way to appeases me

If only they knew.....

I am out of control I can’t do this
no way to hide and defuse this
I can't help how I feel I need to loose this

If only they knew....
 Jan 2018
MJS
Hello my woozy friend
I have missed you
welcome back
fog my brain and make me feel heavy
you know I am ready
take my pain and blot it out
but don’t you dare shout
this is our secret, just me myself and I.
 Jan 2018
MJS
I'm cracking up,
you're sinking down,
lying in bed awake,
can you not hear me cry,
you want me to save you,
but, I can't even save myself.
 Jan 2018
MJS
A product of my depression an infatuation of my mind.. I search for answers in your eyes of yet I am to find,
My highs and lows go to and thro bouncing from one to the other,
A constant war of emotion, a battle field yet to unfold,
I stare at you, our eyes locked I never feel consoled.

A product of my depression an infatuation of my mind.. I search for answers in your eyes of yet I am to find.,
I like to feel elation not violation this crazy state of mind,
From one fleeting thought to another retreating back to hide,
This oppression of happiness beating me from inside.
 Jan 2018
MJS
like a Meteor crashing through the sky
with no thoughts for the Annihilation it will cause.
Narcissistic and Irrational are traits of it all
Anarchic until its end…
 Jan 2018
MJS
David is a strange fellow
always a little too mellow
he will sleep for days
walk around in a haze
he hates company and loathes to talk
just try him – “F**K YOU” he will squawk

He takes some coaxing but will ‘snap out of it’ soon
he will leave me for days, weeks or the next full moon
his visits are often unannounced
but “rest assured” he whispers “I can always pounce”
My dark passenger
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