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I feel sick, sick to my stomach. That love was a fake wasn't it? Maybe it was and maybe just maybe it was real. But for the time being you're a ghost to me. A never ending haunting of what I used to be. I used to be happy and in love now they are fading memories forever clouded by a black sunrise of guilt and shame. It was all my fault, it was my fault you won't talk to me but all my friends say im innocent but im a self made convict. For now I'll lay in my bed again and again thinking of all the good times we had.
From Marlboros, and thinkin horribles,
Each time I think of you is another cigarette gone from my pack.

I start my pack full, I test the weight, loving the feel of a full pack in my hand,
But with every thought, they start to slip through my fingers like sand, and find their way home on my lips, where my tears just fall off and drip.

I started with 20, doing so far so good.
Wait whats that? you called?? there goes my mood.

A thought of you, a image plus two and then Im done with a few.
(17)

I choke on my fears, while I clench my hair
I called you my dear, and now im done with a pair.
(15)

Anxiety is something which I so not lack,
Giving my breath to this dwindling pack.
(13)

You feed my addiction being the flame,
my heart burns black, while it bears your name.
(10)

I sit and ponder on these thoughts I wish to behave,
Two more ignites, to feed the darkness in which I crave.
(8)

My pack is now dwindling low,
As I struggle to maintain a steady air flow.
How else can you sleep, when you've been hit with such a harsh blow.
(6)

I have clipped my wings,
after i have fallen oh so low,
in search of my name in your voice, but it is another mans love in which you sing.
This cigerette is now the only thing that glows.
(3)

(Braxton) I remember from where I came and god its a shame,
I just wish the addiction never screamed your name

Empty. Like my heart, the hollow pack crumples in my hands, wishing to be filled.
But the self destructive cycle repeats again, and again. .
And I begin my pack full, yet again testing the weight..
Poem written with the help of my friend Braxton, this poem shows my struggles with my inner demons, and a bad habit.
Like a siren who can't sing
Or a bird with one wing
Theres life in your bones like stones of moss
But your meaning is far lost

Theres you and theres me
But two we cant see
Our eyes are only physical
Our minds are two dimensional

A mind is a prison
That only grasps memories
Theres no true reason
With no true realities

Possibilities have no limit
Like our space that carries light
A body breathes a last minute
But spirits destroy time in deaths might
  Jan 2015 Christian Victoria
Xyns
When we began
It was beautiful

We'd stay up for hours
Just talking about nothing

We'd agree on everything
Even the bad things

We'd make out Like
It would **** us to stop

The people we were
Were perfect together

..........................

But you're not that you
And I'm not that Me

The people we are now
Just aren't meant to be

That's what happens
Love does that
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