You used to spell my name with a smiley face in the C.

When I see that you still do sometimes
my heart sinks like a pebble thrown in your favorite lake,

            skipped across the waters surface,

                                         suddenly heavy again

                                                             with gravity and grief.

It’s 11:11 and I thought of you.

I wished you'd text me,
tell me to wish, as we used to do.

A small hope, a sign,
that maybe you were thinking of me too.

In my life I’ve loved several people who have been fires

And when I say fires, I don’t mean that sappy ******* like igniting a spark in me that fueled happiness and joy -

No. They were the fires that destroy entire forests, scorching anything in its path once lit.

At first I thought the warmth they gave was radiation of love

only to realize that the flames of jealousy,

manipulation, and control consumed me like oxygen,

coughed me up like smoke-filled lungs,

and left my body and mind in ashes.

I’ve been burned, and once flesh is scarred it never looks or feels the same.

But skins cells regrow, and burned down forests do too.

I am not the Sun
or the Moon,
but rather the North Star
that offers a glimpse of light when the sky is dark.
Long enough
until the Sun comes back around
for a bright, new day.