some kisses and liquor are best left
when left
alone

Maybe you always were a rainbow but i could only see in single shades.
Pink or blue i labeled you, but baby you were a colorful parade.
You saw a kaleidoscope pattern a beautiful array.
you tried to share it with me but i didn’t know what to say.
In my own way i was blinded couldn’t see the flashes of light.
Had to shield my eyes the colors were to bright.
See baby i was taught to only see things through their filter.
When you tried to show me something different it left me off kilter.
Still i am learning and spinning  but i promise to try.
To see and appreciate your beautiful colors painting the sky!

you loved me for my innocence
my light
my newness

and like looking back on faded pictures
i sit shaking my head
at how little she knew
and that I wish I could bottle her fearless
trust

but god I can’t blame you
for loving a force of nature

because for all of it
you held her as best as you could

with terror in your eyes and trembles in your hands
that she’d leave

because she was too young to read the signs
and so she cries all the way home
to me

flipping through poems
and what I thought love only was

it is in these moments
that I sit
and mourn for little you
and little me
for the great love we were
and could’ve been
but it was like two stars colliding
burning each other up
since they couldn’t coexist by starving themselves just to keep the other
breathing

so in these moments
I sit
and remember how much I loved green eyes
and the way your heart
tangled with mine

during one of these moments

let this be the summer of:

shoulders brushing
blushes + kisses
arts and crafts
skinny dipping
barefoot dancing
sighing with contentedness
calling — and picking up

let this be the summer where he fell in love with me
and I, with who I could be

I miss what I imagined
not what I survived

but god does it make me feel alive
to know I made it through

he looked at me
and spilled out his fears
With a few upper cuts mixed in
and after dodging a few
and catching others

I was left with a trembling lip
and a childlike finger
“why is nothing I do ever good enough for you”

and time slowed
because in the blue of his eyes
I saw his hands closed still
grasping at straws
that already fell

and lay

no longer in reach