I should have chosen Bermuda
Triangle over making that call
But never could turn away a friend
No matter the trap
Each button of the phone snaring me
Pulling me further into this three-way
Conversation, and I, the unlucky participant
In a love triangle I became enlisted in
When my best friend’s boyfriend
Decided the center more
On his crush for me than his love in her
So the random act of all of us going to a movie
Became a ruse, and I should have never
He should have never
Picked up the phone, once he said yes
I was done for, exiled
Drifting alone on campus
Guilty of his infatuation
I should have chosen Bermuda

The night clung to me
Like a cold sweat
Pressing my dress
Against my skin
Until the dampness of my panic
Ran with my mascara
I nestled my keys between my fingers
Makeshift Freddy Krueger
Lashing out at shadows
As they slinked around my feet
Fear sliding slowly along my face
And wiped it away quickly
So I could forget
I was alone
In the middle of the city
At night
Leering glares and catcalls
Loitered doorways
Tugging at my sleeves
Twisting their claws in my hair
Offering up glasses overflowing
In broken promises
And blatant lies
As I tried to rush by
Looking for a vacant streetlights
To hover, fluttering near with paper wings
So I could forget
I was woman alone
In the middle of the city
At night

The open door
Allowed the light in
To split apart the darkness
Drawing a path
Across your chest
You started to shift, rumble
Off the bed, and I captured you
By the hand, whispering stay
And the light was jealous
Of your glow-
The natural radiance of your smile
The stunning luminosity of your eyes
Your laughter cascaded
Over the outline of our bodies
I watched as the light
Danced, flickering over our hands
And this is the fluidity
Of love

Before, our love
Became inanimate
It had flickered, pulsed
Its own heart
Beating as we slowly
Danced across the floor
The light in our eyes
Lit every corner of the room
Leaving no room for doubt

After, our love
Became inanimate
Our hearts, clanging bells
Calling for each other
Absent our names
Only shadows filled the room
And doubt, positioned
In the middle of the floor

We knew how to sit
On opposite ends of the room
Inanimate expressions
With the absence of hearts

I live in a shoe
And before you ask me any questions
Or if this a metaphor
Or try to sell me a spot in the latest **** development
Let me assure you, I most definitely live in a shoe
It is the left shoe to be exact
Worn down and some spots extra layers of duct tape
To keep out the winter cold
And when it gets icy, I have to be careful
For if I jostle it just right, the shoe can slide a couple feet
You may ask me why, when, what and how
And this is what I will say
I used to work at a school, a crossing guard in the morning
Lunch lady in the afternoon, and chaperone seeing the children off in the afternoon
And with budget cuts, my job was the first to hit the floor
And so was my pension
My retirement was limited and with no health care
It was impossible to see a doctor for my growing aches and pain
And I was left with nothing, until I came across this shoe
Abandoned and tattered, I took to fancying it up
Scrubbing it out, making it into a home
It took me a winter or two to get the insulation right
And the city has all but forgotten this area
So for now, I am safe
Before the corporate giants clamor over the countryside
Pulling up homes like weeds so they can plant their boxed in communities
I am okay in my little spot
Not long the runaways found me
In school the children always ran to me for safety, and now
Their children have found me, these lost children
We are a little family of misfits, foraging off the land
Keeping each other safe
In a world that doesn’t even care if we are alive

Sitting next to me, a ghost
Playing with your phone
I watch as you are scrolling
Through Tinder once again

And I know, I should let you go
In that moment, alone my heart
Whispers how lonely I feel
That I grasp my hands together

To feel some support
I scroll through all your fake promises
Flipping through my brain
Every memory of I love you

You were whispering
In someone else’s DMs
While telling me everything
I wanted to hear

To keep me sitting here, alone
A partner to your ghost
As it stitches your name
Deeper into my heart

Plunging the needle deeper and deeper
Until it grinds against bone
To remind me of this cage I built myself
In this one-way love affair

Every compliment followed with a goodbye
And you take me for granted
Whenever you meet up with her
Making my heart the fool once again

To keep me wanting you here, alone
A hostage to your ghost
As it rips apart my seams
Until my heart screams out your name

I wonder if I spoke a ghost
You would hear me
Over the clattering of keys
And grumbling of your greed

I take for granted your warmth
Tucked into fake promises
You dress everything up
In a few pleasing words

To keep my heart vying, alone
A fool to your ghost
Leaving me to piece myself back together
Slowly sewing each scar with care

I can’t help but wish
I had tattooed your name upon my feet
Then maybe
I could walk away

I remember the water
How it felt
Upon my skin
And I am thirsty
To drink in each drop
These parched lips
Miss the rivers
Where I could swim
Freedom, ebbing and flowing
At one time, I was a part of the sea
And I covered everything
But these days, my skin cracking
Heart slowly thudding
To stop, my fingertips dust
And I am a whisper
Of the girl I once was

I can’t help but wonder if we have crossed paths
Over and over again, tangling each hello
Catching a hint of mischief when we first bumped into each other
And how easy it was for us to slip into
Conversations, plotting to take on the world
But first things first, we have to catch the moon
And hold the stars ransom in our back pockets
I swear we were pirates singing sea shanties
And conquering cities, but now we settle
For late night dance parties, and one shot, two shot, three
And sure, we are invincible, and I can’t help but wonder
If we have crossed paths over and over again
Our stories layering, life long friends
Or maybe arch nemeses, and each time
Tagging out a new adventure
Where we are chasing after each other
I swear we were renegades, young rebels
Questioning authority and pushing boundaries
Now, we collaborate artistically
Broadcasting in a world of social media, one shout, two shout, three
And sure, we are strong, and I can’t help but wonder
If we have crossed paths over and over again
Our history repeating, kindred spirits
Or maybe pieces of the same soul, and each time
We meet, we find a part of ourselves
We had forgotten

The rumbling in the chest
Grows slowly
Growling louder than the storm
Swirling outside the door
A procellous heart
It thunders, lightning flashes
Behind my eyes
The half finished conversations
Spills into an ocean of unanswered questions
And I am drowning
In the tempest of a broken heart

The rain has taken over
Drowned out the horizon
I find only sea serpents
Swimming in my gaze
The tentacles of your image grabs me
And throws me back
Into coffee dates with you
Steam swirling around fingertips
Quiet corners, watching
Conversations filled
With sailing trips of mermaids, octopi
Sea shanties tucked in your laughter
And your words
Catch me in this moment
Pin ****** upon my eyes
These tears are my only truth
Your lies pooling at my feet
Into tiny lakes
You never really could say
I love you, but you knew
How to send me swimming
In sediment sentences
Weighing upon my legs
And you told me
I wasn’t worth the ocean, but only
Puddles, I am dancing
Collecting the rain
Falling away from the city
I find solace in the clouds
Watching serpents of you fade away
While holding a bouquet of pens
I find myself scribbling out our tangled history
Sometimes, I tear up the storyline
Piece it back together
Into a collage of words
Creating a heroic plot
Where I never met you

Love, an elusive language
Spoken clumsily from my tongue
Unsteady are these words
I look for guidance
In the soft tone of your voice
My emotions clamor inside
Waves, ebbing back and forth
Compromises are subtle sometimes
Like slipping my fingers
In your hand

Morning finds me
In your smile
Pulling you close
I want to start the day
With the whisper
Of your name
And welcome the night
In your eyes
Curling up next to you
Falling asleep
With your name
Lingering upon my lips

Chameleon, I change
Adapting, find myself
Lost in time
Or ever changing
I slip in quietly
Treat the hours as skins
And I am shedding
Every moment, reborn
Recreating myself
So definition
Never quite touches me

I will not repent
My daily sins
To an antiquated verse
Or bind myself
To a definition
I do not acknowledge
To be a sinner, as you say
To be the villain
Before I have my own story
To wear guilt and shame
As constant wardrobe
I don’t buy it
Give me my flaws,faults
And misdeeds
Tattoo them to my skin
I will build an epic origin tale
Layers upon my body
Until my soul bleeds
And the words from my mouth
Will be sonnets for misfits
Gathering into bonfires
My smirk, dancing sparks
And trouble, a forte
To be sinner, as you say
And plaster your prayers
As hollow blessings
To cure me
To iron out my wrinkles
Tuck me safely into a social norm
I don't buy it
Fray the edges
Pull myself off the frame
Not all butterflies will be pinned
Pluck the pins of expectations
Use those antiquated words
To set fire
To every criticism you used
To create this prison
Repent, you say
For being myself
And I will tell you
no

Welcome to corporate America
Take your seat
First of all,
We want to let you know
We appreciate you
You will be an asset
To our growing team of industry
Pay no mind to the construction
We are building ca.. Cubicles
For you are now a part of a team.. Our team
So settle into your seat
We want you to feel empowered
To grow beyond these walls
But stay in your seat
Remain focused
Please don’t put up any pictures on your cubicles
We don’t want you to be distracted
We don’t want you to remember freedom
Stop watching the clock
For your time is our time
We expect you to be an ambassador for our products
On and off the clock
The best advertising is free advertising
And we expect you to give up everything
So we can plaster our company logo across your chest
Have you thought about your brand?
How do you plan to sell yourself..  Back to us
To prove you are worth something
You see we own you now
Stay in your seat
We are building these cages for your own good
Your own good
Is to keep on task
Don’t ask questions
Just accept these walls
We read somewhere the latest work environment is a tomb
We empower you to do exactly what we say
Us corporations are individuals
And we want to let you know
We appreciate you
Enough to strip away your identity
Pluck away the vowels of your name
And make you a number
What is your brand?
You need to keep us interested in you
Don’t rattle your cages
Stay seated, keep focused
Let us break your back
Break you down
To keystrokes and metrics
Us corporations are individuals
And you are company assets now
We want to empower you
By taking away your choices
Your job will be what we say it is
So just do it
I know we told you the job would be one thing
But our needs and desires are always evolving
And we want to consume you
Devour every bit of your talent
What is your brand?
Have you thought about just tattooing our company motto
Across your chest?
Stay in your seat and stop rattling your cages
And whatever you do
Don’t climb up and over the walls
For you are a company asset now

I sway more
Fairy skirt swirling
Around me
Dancing with every step
I feel fluid
Shifting and bending
With every stride
My pixie side finds me
On an overcast day
Rain collecting upon skin
Skirt tickling my sides
And I find myself dancing
Jumping along puddles
Having the water whirl
Twist into a dancing partner
Clinging to me
And the edges of my Fairy skirt
As I walk away

Wrap myself up in Saturday
Tighten the day around me
Relaxation should be fashion
With a stage of people lounging
Letting the week fall away
Wouldn’t that be luxury
A runway show
Of casual mornings, easygoing evenings
Affordability in the convenience
Drink down fancy coffee and hot chocolate
As Saturday becomes a world renowned designer
Of my relaxation

My name lingered upon his lips
At midnight, he forgot
To whisper it three times
We had agreed to this arrangement
The clock sang out my farewell
And I fell apart, disassembling
Into a figment of regret

Tiny cheesecake
You are such a delight
A tiny morsel
Three bites all mine
Once I find that pesky fork of mine

May 2013
Memorial day weekend
It was warm with promises of sun
Beautiful blue skies
And no cloud in sight
Seattle prepared for crowds
People swarming the Center
For folk music, food
Laughter and smiles shining bright

My leg, a bright red
I woke up
Burning hot with red seeping up my leg
Pain swarmed my back
Tears gathering
In corners of my eyes
As I was admitted
To the emergency room
Greeted with morphine, leaving me in a haze

*** induced haze
Lingering around the fountain
Families occupied the edge
Children running in and out
Collecting droplets of water
Along with sunburns
While groups of friends
Gathering in drum circles
Slow rhythmic thumping could be heard for miles

My son’s heartbeat
Thumped in my ears
I watched the fear
As he focused on the antibiotic drips
Invading my body
The days in clipped moments
Passing in and out
With each wave of fever
And the doctors
Tattooed my leg with sharpie

Artwork was only one thing
Found in the vendor alley
People flooded the booths
Snatching up
Brightly colored creations
As they headed to find
Dance troupes, bollywood
Inspired activities
With stomping feet, swaying arms

They placed the central line
Into my right arm
My body had clogged each IV
the doctors warned me
If the redness started
To show patterns of serrating
Then they would have to take my leg
Diazepam had me slurring out
I am fine, I am fine

Memorial Day
A time of remembrance
Services to be held
Events to commemorate
All the fallen
From a concert at Museum of Flight
To baseball game with Seattle Mariners
To appreciate, appreciate

It took ten days
For me to be released
May 2013, Memorial Day weekend
I would always remember
As the beginning
Of my growing struggle
With gradual loss of mobility

I am fine, I am fine

I wear autumn
Upon my shoulders
Some say I hold fire
My paws dark as coal
And when I run
I am the fog
Early morning mist
Disappearing into the trees
I laugh haunting the shadows
To be mistaken for ghosts
That is autumn--those spirits
And they run their fingers
Through my coat

You ask me
To build you cities
When I only have
Avenues of waterfalls
I wish
These words
Could build you rafts
So you could
Float along the horizon
At the end of the day
Promises are hollow
And we all sink
Like ships

In July, I collect stardust
And text dust
I linger in Shakespeare’s shadow
And who knew
He had a home in Oregon
I walk along his stairs
Finding myself hovering in front
A trio of theatres, tall witches
Brewing a cauldron of magic
Each performance, enticing
Crowds from every corner
And I follow in suit
Getting lost in the magic
That makes me want
To not return home

I want to slip
Into Oasis
Become pixelated
Back in the 80s
Watch as all my fandoms
Come to life
I can have coffee
With Molly Ringwald
At The Peach Pit
Before hitting the beaches
Of Costa del Sol
Later check into the Overlook Hotel
To slow dance with Casper
As listen to theme music
Of Castlevania
To pedal a bmx bike
And touch the stars
To hang in detention
With the brat pack
To have my entire life soundtrack
Badly synthesized 80s tunes
I guess I am saying
I want my 2020
A little more Oasis
And a lot less
Black Mirror

Doodling out the hours
And minutes
Become tiny emojis
Criss-cross, half-finished
Tic tac toe games
And I feel lost
Each box a reminder
Of these quarantine
Afternoons, and your name
Is always on my lips
Along with the words
I miss you

As a little girl

The world was so large

Within my tiny hands

I spent my childhood

Under the table

Peeking out

From my fort of tablecloths and blankets

The world transformed

Into fantasy worlds and bustling cities

Within my eyes

So young and so innocent

That I wanted to grow up

Now, I am standing

In the middle of this vast world

It grows exponentially with your expectations

Now, I just want to make sure I make it to bed

Before the first alarm hits

Some days I want to crawl back

Under the table

Peek out from my fortress

See those fantasy worlds

Filled with so much possibility

Before reality consumed me

To feel so small, but so fearless

To no longer be limited by the sky

Tomorrow lingers on my fingertips

Smudged black ink as I flip through the memories

Hovering over faces and names

That have become foreign to my tongue

I can remember the laughter

Tucked in each crease

Until I am falling within each broken loop and letter

How easy it is to forget

And how much easier it is to remember

Tripping over my shadow

I watch the sun slowly set

Holding the last ray of light close to me

As if I can capture hope

Your smile reminds me
Of mornings with blue skies
And I grip my cup tighter
Pulling it close, as if the steam
Dancing from the edges
Had your form
And I wanted to gather you closer
When mornings are overcast
With storms teasing the clouds
I could almost ignore the rumble
As the sky thunders
And you tell me, I remind you
Of your favorite color
Blue

I have forgotten
The sound
Of your voice
I try to recreate it
In memories
In photographs
And I never quite remember
The exact tone of your voice
I feel you disappearing
Losing your dimensions
Becoming just a photograph
Flat, lifeless
And I struggle
To build you out of shadows
And pieces of memories
But what can you do
With a puzzle
Of incomplete pieces
I miss you more now
Than I did before

I take the long route home
Twisting and winding
Around the bends
Searching for rainbows
In clear blue skies
I still find you
In the clouds
A safe place for me
And daydreams
As I retell our story
Before I get home

In the evening
Turn off the lights
Slip on my headphones
And I disappear
Into thunderous beats
My feet learn to fly
As I dance around
In the living room

I only dance in the dark
Even on a full dance floor
I find a corner
Tucking myself in shadows
Allowing the beats to spin
Around, around my waist

So at night
I dance
Stomping out my emotions
Tears and rage
Cascading out with each step
Leave my bones aching

And I fall forward
Allowing my tears to escape
In beads of sweat
I only dance in the dark
Letting my emotions ache in bones
And upon bruised palms

It takes seconds
For the fire to spread
And it took down
Small towns first
Ripping apart families
Names scattering, fleeing
And we all watch
The media speculated
All the loss history
Displaced heartbeats
And rationalize it
Then it hit cities
Seas of red and orange
Licking and devouring
Neighborhoods
And politicians wanted to blame
Everyone but themselves
When it expanded passed borders
We all went silent
Countries transformed into tattered pages
People swirling around, around
Astronauts said groups looked like storms
Tornados bouncing from land to land
As red slowly spread
Flickering orange
Spreading like a pair of wings
Encompassing the earth

I cry these days
When I read positive news
Something shatters in me
And I think it is hope
Apathy has become a bedfellow
An unwanted lover loitering nearby
I feel myself falling apart, alone
My eyes find dark space
Settling there, trying to disappear
My bones grinding into the ground
Until rooted fingers born from their shavings
Grip my lungs, squeezing tighter and tighter
And my life screeches from chapped lips

A lonely star
Isolated in space
And I dream
Of planets
Touching their atmospheres
Feeling them
Slip smoothly between fingers
Isn’t that love
To gather fingers
In an embrace
To pull someone close
Into your gravity
Whisper them a lullaby
Absorbing their opulence
Falling away into darkness
Constellations of rendezvouses
And this is how
Comets are made

Balance
Comes in the morning
Before chaos
Has settled into its afternoon
Routine, I pause
In these moments
Hands open and flat
Slowly breathing, allowing
The light to capture
Me evenly

Tears are a signature
Our mouths
Can’t quite sign
For goodbye lingers
In the corner of our eyes
Stumbling down our cheeks
Hands shake for words
To create in an embrace
That will swallow us whole
And for a moment
Feel full, overflowing
Healing
For seconds are fleeting
When goodbye has a home
Upon your tongue

Serenity is translucent

In the stillness I find myself

Icing over my skin

Tracing tranquility in small patterns

Over my stomach

Letting my strength be silent

As my mouth rests

Control doesn’t have to be loud to be heard

Standing here, I watch the world move

I feel myself come into me

Reflecting my soul within tiny flecks of light

I let my dreams bend and shimmer

While I wait motionless

Composure freezes upon my face

Stern eyes and soft smile

I will greet the world with open arms

In my silence, I find myself

One foot in front of the other
We walk
March through town
Wearing our statements
Pride and strength
I walk
Step by step
Expressing support
For equality
One foot in front of the other
I march
To remember him
His smile and his friendship
Every face I pass
Replace with a memory
Of his gracious heart
And our witty conversations
I walk
In a group
Expressing pride and strength
Rallying in cheers and waves
To feel unity
To feel a part of something
I march
His ghost leads me
I keep watching for him
In a crowd of faces
Knowing with every step
I am closer to his memory

I keep waiting
For you to say
My name
Lingering in the background
I watch you
With hands open
Stretching out my fingers
Trying to tug
At your shadow
Pulling you closer, closer
I want you
To consume
Every inch of me
Set me free
In the strength of your smile
And the delicacy of my sigh

Love is delicious
Lingering deep in your chest
In a heart-shaped box
Pulsing slowly
You glow, flickers
In your gaze
And love finds a way
To communicate, deeply
In rhythm, and unspoken words

Tickling upon my skin
I feel myself bloom
As roots find themselves
Twisting, weaving within soul
Open my hands, palms up
I let the petals gather
Flourishing upon my tongue
I am my own garden
Find myself wandering within myself
For hours

Minutes, short puffs

hours fade away

and in the mist

I spell your name

you are fleeting

a ghost waltzing

through my hours

I grab at seconds

small beads slipping

between my fingers

I become my own hourglass

holding on to your shadow

and gliding back and forth

within nostalgia

Rain filters
through fingers
slipping in between
the cracks
conversations, wet
fluid, bending against skin
pooling at feet
puddles, these topics
we are eager to stomp
dance, splashing
memories catching
on the hems of our clothes
drenching, our sensations
shiver, and we are cold
in these connections

It was the midnight hour

She was running the register

Great smile with a pixie haircut

That is when I noticed

Her history exposed

In tiny cuts

From wrist to elbow

Scars bubbled over her smooth skin

I tried not to look

To read

Her history

In her silence

I knew she had caught me

Peeking

I love the smell
Of the rain
Lingering upon my skin
The slight chill
Working its way up my back
As I inhale the cold air
Sharp and crisp
Flooding me
With tomorrow
As I exhale
Yesterday
In short puffs of steam
And I feel
Reborn
As every drop collects
In the plane of my body

Crumbling down

Seek safety in a doorway

I feel the walls shake

Falling falling under your gaze

Warmth in your smile

Left my world trembling

Splintering and breaking apart reasoning

Wave after wave, nerves carrying this seismic activity

And I am quaking for your touch

Unable to speak

Unable to hold my balance

Gripping onto the doorway, knuckles white

Gaze to the floor, focusing

Quivering lips, wavering breath

I am in the doorway you have just crossed

Clutching your arm you stop

Looking at each other

You know what I can’t say

Pulling me close

Tumbling, crumbling are these walls

Heart tremors

Love has come and shook my world upside down

A soft touch, tickle

Itching the back of my throat

Clicking my tongue

And love continues

To try to crawl outside my throat

Pry my lips open

With each jagged vowel

Spill out upon the sidewalk

Leaving me panicking

Watching your face, waiting

For you to hand me

A soliloquy of rejection

Listing the faults with bad timing

And humility takes my hand

Walking me home

I chiseled out your initials

Into rose petals

And heads of dainty daisies

Filter memories

Into the smooth curve

Of marbles, clinking

Into the bottom

Of the vase, rearrange

The vowels of your name

Into the most beautiful bouquet

And I find myself humming

To the thought of your smile

And it is quite darling

Hushed apology
silent tongues cry loudly
lies are painful sounds

Ricochets off night
lost in neon lights and bodies
legend come morning