I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of my mind.
I'm afraid of the depth, of what I'm capable of.
Of what my brain can imagine or focus on.
I'm afraid of the thoughts that come flooding in,
and I'm afraid of the ones that break down the walls.
I'm afraid, for I feel too much,
and I'm afraid that one day
I won't be able to take it all.

You.
Are.
A.
Walking.
Masterpiece.

Today is a good day.
It’s better than the rest.
I don’t have all the stress
Hanging over me
Like I did yesterday.

I feel good today.
I feel better than the rest.
I don’t have depression
Lingering around me
Like I did yesterday.

I have had a good day.
Everything about this day
Has been better than all the rest.
Again, I don’t have all the stress,
I don’t feel as depressed
Like I did yesterday.

Today I finally feel okay.

Are you okay?
Are you alright, are you fine, are you good?
Are you adequate, are you decent?
Are you emotionally stable, sleeping without crying, smiling because you want to?
Are you breathing without questioning, are you waking up without trying, are you eating without throwing up?
Are you reading this poem right now and thinking no?
Are you thinking for the first time, will I ever be okay?

You will be okay.
You will be alright, you will be fine, you will be good.
You will be adequate, you will be decent.
You will be emotionally stable, you will sleep without crying, and smile for the happiness blooming inside of you.
You will breathe without questioning, you will wake up to a new day, you will eat easily
You
are going to be okay.
So please smile sunshine
It’s a fine new day
To be okay :)

- a.g.

flowers
many times they go through
stormy weather
long, cold days and nights
before they can truly take root,
before they begin to grow and bloom.
they start off merely a seed
in the soil inches from the surface,
with water and light
they begin to become
everything they were meant to be.

if flowers can bloom even after the harshest winters
maybe you can too.

- growth is a process

Monsters
They’re scary
Some are in the closet
Some are under the bed
But you want to know a secret?
The scariest monsters
Are in our heads