The path ahead seemed narrow;
One objective, therein one route.
My naivete to myself inconceivable,
Onto others I cast all my doubt.
My own vision, my own reality -
Unchecked, unquestioned…immutable?
Can something that seems so right to me
To others seem unsuitable?
My perspective is not reality,
The opposite may be the case.
A new truth so brazen before me,
I have no option but to fall from grace.
What once I clung to with certainty
Is now tainted with regret and shame.
How can I make the right choice
When a truth and a lie seem exactly the same?

I have nothing else -
Not one person close to me.
Only ever ostensibly known,
Via some overrated reality.
Truthfully, a manufactured facade-
Beneath, a much less pretty wasteland.
I want my real self to be known,
Have all my understandings understood.
First I must find the right words,
But they always pale in comparison.
There’s no real description, it seems
Of our inner-most workings,
Even here I pause as my depiction stutters.
I wish I could just bequeath my mind
And have my soul be exposed;
For someone to retrieve my thoughts
And need no explanation.
If I can’t emit my true visage,
If only I can see color,
Then I have no hope for completion,
And the loss is overwhelming.

the omittance of a standard
the justification of an action
the realness of pain

and still I laugh

I put on a facade to prolong my good name,
A glimpse of reality would prove me a fool.
There are decisions I made with gusto, no less
That have withered my soul; a constant weight on my chest.

And to think it all done with others in mind,
Making paramount choices with no thought of myself.
My naive urge to impress was too strong to resist
So, for the approval of others I now barely exist.

And it kills me to know that I could have had more,
More than these miserable minutes I somehow survive.
Even with words I cannot fully describe
The pain that I feel and constant regret I abide.

And I still have the option to take it all back,
Which hurts all the more because I know that I won't,
My pride would never let me unveil my tears
Or reveal to the world even my small, petty fears.

So, I must carry on the only way I know how:
By reminding myself it all comes to an end;
Death will enclose me and my so-called "existence" will shatter,
Right after I realize that nothing ever truly mattered.

I find myself on uncertain ground,
Straddling an impossible horizon.
On one side is day, where my consciousness thrives
On the other is night, where fatigue claims its prize.

For years, it seems, I have longed for sleep,
For a reprieve from wakefulness, and the sun’s piercing light,
But now, as I stand astride this unlikely fission,
I fear what awaits within night’s unyielding prison.

The darkness has beckoned, calling me forth
Even now, its sweet siren reigns down on my soul,
Oh, how easy, to just close my eyes and let my thoughts be consumed,
The promise of nothingness nearly impossible to refuse.

But my silhouette on the ground reminds me of light,
And I owe it to myself, past and future alike
To reconsider day and all it provides,
Before I make a choice, here, where two opposites collide.

I can remember hope, and the anticipation of greatness,
But also despair and nights spent alone.
Laughter and desire, pitted against resentment,
An ever-tipping balance between dissatisfaction and contentment.

No, it’s just not enough for me to fully commit,
I’d much prefer blackness and its long-awaited calm,
Yes...I will forget about day and its promise of grief,
Instead, I’ll take night and its selfless offer of relief.

Just one step forward and I'll be forever engulfed in silence,
But first I’ll rest here for just one second longer-
I need to say goodbye to day and pay respects to light,
Then I'll go forth, and forget this place where day leads unto night.

I’ve been alone for countless years,
A speck of dust my only friend.
Deep inside, no hopes, nor fears,
Just myself these many years.

I have no past to reminisce,
Therein no future to predict,
There’s no one lost for me to miss,
No one with whom to reminisce.

There is no way to pass the time,
As I lie in wait of endless night.
There is no love, or hate, or crime,
The more I think, even no time.

Eternity chose to envelop me,
And forever is all there is to see,
An inescapable void, no calm, nor breeze,
For it abandoned all else in favor of me.

A thousand different images
Flicker through my mind,
But the one I seek most desperately
Has found some place to hide.

I know I had it with me,
It’s always been right here,
I only had to think your name
For your image to appear.

It’s tried to slip away before
And I’ve grasped with all my might,
But as the months changed into years,
I lost the strength to fight.

I've known that this was coming,
But somehow am unprepared,
The signs have been so subtle,
Yet I knew that they were there.

It started with your piercing eyes,
How the blue would fade each day,
And your features became less definite
As you slowly slipped away.

But still I thought I had more time,
If only with your likeness,
I never thought I’d wake today
To such devastating blindness.

I’ve tried and tried to call you back,
But there’s nothing I can do,
Your image has left me stranded;
I no longer remember you.