Today, a simple day
I like to start my day with someone gentle and sweet,
Who only needs a little extra sleep
Who I’ll be extra quiet for when I zip my things

Fluttering in and out of sleep, I can’t predict when you finally speak
                        “Are you going on a walk?”
                        “Not yet, darling.”

Sleep, darling.

---

Yesterday, you held me when I cried
And looked at me in a way that made me
Want to kiss you, wondering when
I’ll stop being so scared

I’ll keep thinking of the way
You looked at me and the way
I had to look away, scared
Of what I’d do

Too many thoughts and the wrong state of mind kept me from loving you yesterday.

---

Today, you told me you dreamt
Of kissing, something vague and hazy enough
To remind me not to tell you
That I dreamt the same last night.

Between my usual fevered dreams, there you were.

---

I think I’ll be OK.
Nothing to repent for.
No shame left to carry.

the feats of butterflies! something of reckoning.
watch it part the sea of still bodies
linger above this shiny world, relentless wings
bated breath and sweet hope swells. stillness stillness
the light is green and of course the bodies jolt and sing
sweeping them into an existence where all the lovely unseen creatures go

Repentance, repentance
Empty words I could’ve used long ago to heal myself but
My wounds have scarred, and my hands are ******
You are stained with betrayal, and I
Am rippled with shock, fragmented
With a deep want for pain. Harm to you a thousand times.

Repentance, repentance
Not enough for your misdeeds
Your harm needs blood to cleanse

Imagine, at the end of your life
I’ll wait at the foot of your grave
Waiting for pleading knees
Buried in soft earth

Even the sorry eyes and words of comfort aren’t enough,
Because sympathy won’t save you from her fate.

I am always half awake,
Occupying the space between
Then                   and now
        Today                     and tomorrow
One half dreaming, dizzy,
                           Falling. Always falling,
Graced in gravity’s pull
I’ve never found the bottom
But when I do
I’ll just keep digging and
                 keep falling.

My eyes are blurry with tears but oh,
How the lights glow in the haze
I try to step outside myself and
Ask the sky what made me this way,
But the fog only stared back silently

One single star blinking back,
The same star that I’ve always seen
Under the same sky I’ve always breathed
In the same place I’ve always been

Nothing has changed except everything
(And even that has faint traces of you)

You and I, I liked to believe we’re the same
But your life isn’t mine
And your love isn’t mine
The distance between us, tied together
Over countless fields and mountaintops
Stretching from here to there
               lets meet somewhere in the middle,
               where it grazes Missouri.
               or is it Montana? I’m not sure but
I’ve always been sure
Of this heart and
I left it in the airport
The night I left you
With sleep in my eyes and
Tears on my cheeks

Oh, tears, tears.

I always knew it would end like this
Blurry eyes begging for forgiveness
Unanswered calls, hollow bones
Silenced beneath packed earth

Ask for another chance and I’ll watch you weep
Silly girl, this was always your fate

I fear for the day I die young
Imagine this brilliant youth, crushed
By the fragility of mortality
Imagine my drowning fear, rooted
In visions of a cruel death
(Premonitions or sacred wishes)
Rushing to the front of my mind
Hanging above my head

Imagine how they’d mourn
The gentle poet
Dead by 22
With nothing to show for it

I fear for the day my words reign true
For an artist who shows their scars
Is one who is not afraid to see them so
And suddenly I feel myself
          growing,
              growing,
            ­      growing
                       All too quickly.

And the rush of this fleeting youth,
Makes me ache with the chase of death

Imagine
All the lives
I’ve lived
And things
I’ve seen,
Gone by noon
Dizzy as a dream
Fevered bodies
Clutching clammy skin

Please, wake me up dear.

Cursed child,
Whisper your sorrows
To the unforgiving water
And drain your tears

Wash the blood and dirt
From your hands
To purify this pain
And pacify your soul

i had a dream of us
aged like the finest wine,
one comes to the other
looking for the knowing glances
and careful smiles

underneath all of
the time we spent apart
lays a love so untouched
and so bright
it may blind us both

and at the end
of the night
my mind falls
back to you

fingers tracing over
a shiny pink scar,
healed memories
from a lifetime ago

dear cosmic wound,
this achingly profound pain
twist the knife
and still,
I’ll beg you to stay

I can only hope that
When you see me,
You cant see the hunger
In my eyes because
Beneath my gentle smile
And nervous fingers
Lays a clawing desperation
Veiled by calmness,
Fraying at the edges.

Please, do me a favor
And look away
From this decaying mind

The tension in my jaw
Grows as I bottle this love letter to
A fleeting youth and toss it
To the restless tide, grieving
This temporary life and leaving
Behind this burdensome body

Perched on the jagged cliff edge,
I close my eyes
And disappear.

at the end of the world,
when the future isn't looming above us
all we will have is each other
and beneath the night sky
we can watch the world turn
and relive the bitter melancholy
of what once was

-a poem for my sister

You're gone, and the stage is set for heartbreak
The world dims and my heart dulls
(Or sharpens, I’m sorry I’m so cold)
My mind frenzies when I look to what's ahead
But when my thoughts drift back to you,
I am content

Alone, talking to the moon
I whisper into the night air,
I would go wherever you go

And maybe it's foolish
To put my heart under your sword,
Ready to fall apart when you
Carelessly pierce through it
But I don't care, let me bleed
If it means I can feel something

Maybe I was foolish
To think I could have you any other way.

20 years I’ve lived
And I still feel like a kid
I told him this
And he said, with ignorant bliss

But you’re a woman
You certainly look
Like a woman

And something about
What he said
Or how he said it
Or how he looked at me
Made my skin itch
And my stomach turn

I couldn’t hide
How my smile dropped
For the sudden realization
That I was simply something
Pretty to look at
Stripped me to my bones

Oh, how can a man
Drain your humanity
With just a few words?

Dreaming of lovers that were never mine,
I watch the stars fall from the sky
And wish to fall off of this earth.
Let me paddle to the edge of the world
And drop off of existence.
Gone and forgotten, like the words I never spoke.

Words I never spoke to you crumble in my mouth,
Forgotten flames destined to burn out
Or burn the life around it

I let my affections die inside me
For I don't think you would understand
The weight it holds, no
I don't think you would be so gentle with my heart,
Cracking like eggshells beneath your careless grip

No, I can't bear to watch you break me
So I blink and smile warmly,
Swallowing my heart and hoping you don't notice.

strange strange girl
your silence makes you strange
your strangeness makes you forgotten
so be silent and be gone

I am so overcome with love
But only when my mind is hazy
And my thoughts come slowly and quietly

What am I so ashamed of
That I can only see you warmly
In the dark

Why is it easier
To admit I love you
When I’m not thinking clearly?

my darling
i know your heart aches
with a lifetime
of burden and regret,
but the world still turns
the tides still crash
and the moon still shines

despite the hole in your chest.

The light turns red.

I look over at you,
Eyes pleading for a kiss.
You give in
And the world seems to stop,
As two lovers escape
For a moment of bliss.

The light turns green.
The moment is gone.

Time has given up on me
And so has gravity,
As I float through
The barriers of time.
Floating through the past,
                               the present,
                               the future
Never settling anywhere
A stranger even in
My own memories
Don’t mind me, I’m
Just visiting
Just passing through

I’ll be gone soon.

Underneath an empty sky
I cry out my loneliness
And pour out my sadness
To celestial beings
Who could not care less

Eventually I stop my crying
And I go to join
The moon and
All her glorious stars