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It's 2:24 am and I hear echoing drunk girls walking home from the bar
It makes me glad I drank at home tonight
I forget how drunk people act when I'm so used to being wasted all the time

All the keys that tonight's crickets sing are trying to put me to sleep while I'm out here smoking
I have to be up in four hours to get to work on time for once in the last two months
But lately, I just can't seem to get my shoes tied in time
I'm always late and running behind

As my father said, I'll do what was done unto me
So that gives me the right to do a lot of horrible things
But unlike my father, I decide what's right for everyone and not just for me
Life is a challenge, and a journey
I'm ready to find my own way, I think

2,455 miles ain't so bad
My feet will blister, burn and bleed
But it'll be the greatest walk I've ever had
Even if at a pathetically slow speed

I'll wear my shoes down until the soles are shredded
And once they're gone, I'll walk around barefoot
I'm not exactly sure where it is I'm headed
I'll search for you to know which way to look

When I get tired I'll make myself keep going
I'll push myself until I've dropped down dead
The pervy thoughts in my head won't stop flowing
I can't seem to get you out of my head

I finish twenty five percent of the things that I start
I've too many ideas all at once
I end up with humongous piles of unfinished art
I'm always switching around all my wants

I finish twenty five percent of what I begin
And sometimes just twenty five percent of that
And often it's an even smaller fraction
And I doubt I'll finish this lesson in math

I finish twenty five percent of what I attempt
And I try to change, but life has got me beat
Even my poems aren't exempt
A lot of my poetry is incompl

You've got no hope, and you've got terrible taste
At Baskin Robbins your flavor would be labeled "Waste"
Instead of milk, they probably used paste
And when it came to sugar, they must have just spaced
Somehow, your flavor was bottled and cased
But I'm sure that real soon, it will be replaced

Have you heard about the guy who lives in 38?
If you won't be his friend it will make him irate
If you don't hold your tongue and you express your hate,
he just might lose his mind and hit you with a plate

Did you hear about the guy who lives in 39?
Before his ****** neighbor, he and his wife were fine
But the guy in number 38 just got way out of line
He crossed too many boundaries, because he's lost his mind

The guy in number 38 will yell when you walk by
He'll scream at you because he's just a ****** up, lonely guy
He bothers everyone around, and we're just not sure why
But whenever we ignore him, I bet he goes inside to cry

Less than three
Isn't good enough for me
I love you even more
Than less than four

Less than two?
No way will that do
And less than one
Is so far below you

Less than three
Makes a heart, you see
But less than four
Simply says so much more

I've only been posting poetry here for a short time
I never thought I'd find so many folks who like my rhymes

I'd like to thank you all for reading as my brain has grown
Without you all, I'd just be bitter, crazy, and alone

Thanks for making me feel welcome and like my voice is heard
I'd like to thank you all for reading my sour words

5:55
I'm barely alive
My eyes won't focus
And I'm too drunk to drive

5:58
I can't think straight
I'm feeling so sick
From the taste of your hate

6:02
All I see is you
I'm trying to drive
But I'm not sure where to

6:04
Pedal to the floor
Picking up speed
But I need so much more

6:09
Your car slams into mine
And we die together
The way it was designed

I could sit outside in the cold all night
with a cigarette between my lips as I contemplate all the thoughts of you I have retained
simply attempting to put words to how I feel
although, we both know that's ridiculous
because you're more amazing than any combination of words compatible
I give up
you're just better than my words

if you dissected
a frog
what would
you see?
could it be
all the ugly
*****
secret
parts of me?

and if
you
saw
a nasty
spider
then you gave it
a good splat
and left it
on the wall to rot
that’s me
that’s where i’m at

when there’s a scab
that just keeps itching
one you
just can’t help
but pick
and it bleeds
never healing
it’s me,
that’s me
i’m it

i’m a bad dream
that leaves you
shaking
in cold sweat
only to have you
wake up
wishing you
wouldn’t forget
i linger just a bit
like a bad taste
on your tongue
keep you guessing
who the hell
i could be
if i decide
to let myself be free
and i think
we’re both
a little
if not
a lot
scared
of how great this
and we
could be

His hands grew weathered as he plucked weeds from beside the road
When he'd gathered all he wanted, he then slowly wandered home
He dug into his closet and then found an old shoe box
Placed the weeds inside, and closed it up with several locks
Stuck a strip of masking tape nicely across the lid
Labeled it in black
"memories of what we did"

When he had finished with the label, he walked outside to see
Where he could bury the box below the old, oak tree
He found the spot he wanted, and then stuck his shovel in
Placed the box right in the dirt, and then started to grin
He packed some dirt over the box, and lit a cigarette
Then cried into his sleeve and said
"I'll still never forget"

Through my thin translucent skin, you see roller coasters on my spine
But there's no one on them screaming, they're all still stuck in the line

And if you peek into my eyeballs, maybe you will see the sky
Or you'll see four bright white walls, and a sickness that won't die

Some will try to see my heart, but I burned it in a fire
As it blistered and it bubbled, I simply sat there and admired

And behind my best smile is a pile of denial
And if I said I was fake, it'd be my first truth in a while

My bones break into spears and I shove them through my brain

    As I laugh
        and I bleed
           and I lose all my pain

maybe reality hasn't
allowed me to escape
quite far enough

but a few more drinks
will do

enough to tape
my eyelids shut
so that I may watch
the amateur actors who
will portray
the people
in my dreams

as the lights fade in
I see someone
center stage
who looks exactly
like my mother

but when the lights
turn on completely
I realize it's not my mother

it's me

I'm the only person
in the audience as
this poor show
is put on
by the figment fools
of my mind

and I laugh

applause from my
own hands clapping
wakes me up
and I feel better
now that it's morning

maybe it's just
because I'm sober

We're up!
We're awake!
Let's go for a walk!!!
I want to smell everything and then *** on it.
Oooh! ****!
Let me smell it.
I wonder who that belongs to?
Oh, it's that ****'s poo.
I better *** on it. It's mine, now.

Okay, let's go home now!
It's breakfast time!
Gimme my food!
Where's my food?
I'm gonna dance around your feet and makes grunting sounds until I get my food.
Food food food food food food food food!
Okay, now I've eaten. Time to take a long nap.
I'm up again.
Let me pull all my toys out and run through the house as fast as I can.
Okay, time for another nap.
I'm up again. Is it dinner time yet?
No?
Okay, I'll go back to sleep until dinner time.

I'm an alcoholic mess, soon to be a cancer patient
my eyes used to be so blue, but now they're grey, faded, and vacant
always looking to the sky for answers never there to reach me
only books and research in my life can serve to truly teach me

the moon yells at me each time I drink and tells me I should quit
but I explain to him, "without the *****, I'd lose my soul and wit."
so I gulp my beer and smoke my smoke, tell him to zip his lip
I'll drink until I die and I'll add cancer to the list

the sun pokes out through clouds over some slightly distant hills
I dive into the water, wishing I had fins and gills
it's ******* cold, but I am bold and love the buzzing chill
it's fun to run and jump off of a bridge and feel the thrill

I've got marbles in my mouth
I keep choking myself to spit them out
So I can watch them spin onto the ground
And turn into stars
As the darkness around me decides to eat them

Things just haven't been the same
since I grew older
I've aged too quickly due to addictions
and poor circumstances

The pile of mistakes I've made has grown so tall,
it towers over me
And sways dangerously when the wind blows

I wish I could unglue the glue
and undo
every bad thing that I've ever done to you
But decisions are ours to **** up
and without the ability to choose I'd be even more miserable
I guess I should at least try to be grateful for that,
if nothing else

I had a dream you were the ocean
And the bridge I walked across was made of twigs
The sky was a canvas, the moon a splatter of paint
And the sounds of gum bubbles exploding kept popping in my ears
The air felt sticky and wet and it smelled like old french fries
I had a pouch on my gut like a kangaroo and it was filled with toothpicks and pebbles
Your voice kept echoing from the waves as the painted moonlight reflected on your humongous face

People always tell me my dreams don't make any sense

I'm always
the odd man out
and I never seem to belong,
no matter where I go

I'm sent here just to be a clown
to dance around with a noose
around my neck
and bells
upon my shoes

I'm entertaining for a minute
but once the music stops,
everyone seems
to forget
I exist

Since three years old, Caitlin and I had been the best of friends
We grew up always knowing our friendship would never end
We did everything together, and got each other through it all
She taught me how to run, and I taught her to crawl

She held me when I cried after every broken heart
And gave me a place to live when my whole world fell apart
I took her hand and held her when her father passed away
And when her husband left, I was there to stay

But, tragically, my dear Caitlin made some huge mistakes
When we went out to the bar, and our fun had hit the brakes
A young girl had walked up asking to buy us drinks
Caitlin said "of course!" But I still had to think

This girl, I didn't trust her. There was something really wrong
Caitlin just thought I was crazy, but my instincts are strong
So I just kept my eyes on Caitlin making sure she was okay
She's so important to me, and I don't want to stand in her way

It started to get late, but Caitlin just did not care
So I said "Fine, have fun." And I just left her there
I worried all through the night that something would go wrong
The hours just dragged by making my night seem so long

The next day, she wouldn't call me or answer her phone
I felt so guilty for ditching her and leaving her alone
But I could not say sorry, because I never got a chance
And something awful happened when I left her there to dance

That girl I left Caitlin with, you see now, I was right
I knew she was messed up when I first had her in sight
And she got my dearest friend addicted to crystal ****
Sending her to jail, and very nearly to her death

And I'm so heart broken now because I know she's dead
Not physically, but in her heart and in her head
**** took her away from me and it turned her into ****
She won't ever be the same, and I feel to blame for it

Only time will tell if I'll become another ghost.
Just another drifting soul, with no body to host.
If I'll disintegrate into the winds and be forever blown.
Or be engulfed in darkness and fade into the unknown.

Will I allow the sea to take me in
Even though I've forgotten how to swim?
May the stars take my soul up high?
And keep my smile in the lights of the night sky?

Or
   will
          I
             just
                    end
                            ?

There are millions of deceivingly large flames in the sky that we call stars
Floating above this weathered orb we call the Earth
And surrounded by a blanket of blackness we call space

And mixed throughout the many stars
Floats a cheesy rock with an eerily smiling face
that we call the moon
Whose best friend is the largest flame of all
that we call the sun

And from that sun shines a light
and with that light comes growth
and warmth
And in that warmth hides a girl
who is sad and lonely and angry and
we call that girl
Arlo

you turn me into one of Bob Ross's trees;
happy,
and wearing a smile on my leaves

Oh, lovely sunshine on my skin
How you bathe me in your beauty
And you fill my face with the smile of a thousand baby bunnies

My head is filled with cotton candy kittens
Whose ears have just been bitten
Happier words will never be written

I sit atop a rainbow above a stampede of unicorns
And all the fairies flutter as the baby birds are born


La la la
la dee ******* da
What a beautiful ******* day in the neighborhood?
Nah.

I've got dirt in my teeth from all the times I've fallen flat on my face
Bleeding lips,
feeling each drop as it drips
Tasting the metal in each crimson sip

My heart is dying
It's simply drying out
The dreams I have of faces I've never seen
leave me feeling empty
and silent
Like all the other thoughts I try to think are banned
I'm no longer allowed to know them

Every day, I rot
from the inside out
It's all dead
The love
The light
The sound

There is nothing

Just a waste of space
with a stupid face
And a heart full of holes
that's drained into my shoes,
and now my steps are squishy

Dad, there are so many things I never got to tell you
I wish you knew how much I loved you, and how badly I needed you to stay
Now your brains are on the floor
and all my memories of you are stained
The clock is still ticking in my head,
but for you, it's stopped
There is no more for you, here

I'm sorry I wasn't able to see your pain clearly

I wished so hard upon every star I'd seen that you would be okay
Every candle I blew out as I became older, I used all my wishes on you

And I feel gypped
Like it was all a waste of breath
A waste of time to try
if you were just bound to give up and die
But what's the use in being angry?
Every time I feel anything, it eventually fades to numbness
I haven't been able to keep you out of my dreams, and I wish you would stop haunting me

I'm not your little girl anymore
No, you gave that up when you left this world
And your blood has left a smear across my eyes
That's all I can see
All that I know
And I just need for the pain to slow down

But I never want it to stop,
because when the pain stops, the love stops
And I will always
ALWAYS
love you

you must be a saint with your patience and the way you put up with me
i can't even begin to understand the way your beautiful mind works
but i'm so fascinated by everything you are

i'm a train wreck with smoke and dead bodies galore
you are the understated and unappreciated cleanup crew
underpaid, and lacking in the rewards you should be receiving

how are you even real?
i'm more amazed every time we communicate
you're every smile i've had in the last nine days
and i hope i've been at least a few of yours

hybrids keep being created from other hybrids
and it's gotten to the point where no one knows where any of it originated from anymore
the filibustering has to cease at some point
but everyone keeps insisting on driving their point through the brains of children
until they're little reflections of what they wish they could be

past generations poison the future
like a stone fish
with filthy, algae covered spines
leaving pain and infection in everyone's lives
but time only teaches when death comes to mind

there has been dust filling in my footprints
and denying any point that i ever existed
holograms of things i thought true were short-circuited
and it's obvious to me now that all good things come to an end

I've been wandering down the same road, just lit up with different lights
Trying to trick me into thinking that I finally got it right
But I know all that I'm good for, my whole life is a lie
All I do is try

I'm always trying to do
But I'm never doing that much
Trying is all that I'm good for
Failing is all that I know
I'm always trying to do
But I'm never doing that much
Failing is all that I'm good at
Trying is all that I show

I've blistered up my feet and worn the ground down to the core
I see the magma seeping from the cracks created on the forest floor
And it's getting hot, my boots are burned, my feet hurt
But just a little more
All I do is try


I'm always trying to do
But I'm never doing that much
Trying is all that I'm good for
Failing is all that I know
I'm always trying to do
But I'm never doing that much
Failing is all that I'm good at
Trying is all that I show

My vision is quite blurry, and it all now looks the same
I see a street sign in the distance, but I can't make out the name
All this time I've thought it was my circumstance that I should place my blame
But it's me
All I do is try

I try, but I never achieve
I give it all up, and I leave
I try not to lie to myself
But the truth is too much to believe

at noon,
i dropped my fingers
at two,
i scraped my knees
at four,
i climbed and climbed
some more
at six,
dropped from the trees
at eight,
i broke my ribcage
at ten,
i screamed out "please?"
at midnight,
i ripped out my teeth
at two,
i had to sneeze
at four,
i knocked down your
front door
at six,
gave you a squeeze
at eight,
i woke alone again
at ten,
i cried with ease

sometimes,
i wonder
if
you love me

or if
you just
put up with me
for
convenience sake

pushing away
the
distractions
i make

and ignoring
all the chaos
i create


and i
don't mean
to
be a burden
to you
with all of the
stupid
things
that
i
do

but i'm
so
disconnected,
coming unglued

peeling away
rotted pieces
of myself
and
attaching them
to you

and you
are doing everything right
i'm the one who's
****** up

taking away from
all we are
and telling myself
i'm not
enough

and
it wouldn't be so tough
if i could
just
take
the blame
and grow up

but here's the thing,

i just keep getting worse

no
matter
how
much
i
try

no
matter
how hard
i rehearse

my tongue is swollen
from all the times
i've tried
to tell you
how bad
i really feel

there's part of me
that always thinks
i
can heal

that the misery
i constantly
live
can't be real

but there
doesn't seem
to be a
point to any of it

i have a head
full of nightmares
and a heart
full of dreams

and
none of
this life
is
ever
what
it seems

This world keeps growing colder as I walk
And it makes the icy air so hard to breathe
My lips are frozen shut, and I can't talk
And I see that all the snails are trying to leave

The poor things always move so **** slow
And they just couldn't seem to escape the cold
I knew I had to save them from the snow
But I wasn't sure how this was to unfold

I tried to pick them up and take them with me
I put them in my coat to keep them warm
But I came across some birds who looked quite hungry
And when they saw my snails, they began to swarm

I did my best to keep my shelled friends safe
From the blizzard and the swarm of feathered beasts
But the birds and snow were eating away at my face
And I accidentally let my snails get released

It wasn't long before the poor things were all eaten
After all I did, I couldn't save just one
I felt defeated, because I had been beaten
And my poor shelled friends were all dead and done

I can never find the right words to say to you
So I just go through all the wrong ones, instead
And I'm hoping somewhere mixed into the middle
I will find the things that I have never said

If I learn another language, will I get it?
Will I find the things I wish that I could word?
If I spill my heart to you in language foreign,
Will you understand, or think I sound absurd?

When my tongue is split, I trip over my vocals
When I try to speak, I fall onto my face
And if I try to move my mouth in speaking motions,
My lips grow tight and stiffly stay in place