you said that it would hurt
but i didn't believe
that it would hurt just as much as it did

Dear Future Friends,
Please don't treat me like my last
I dream that I'll find support
And not need memories from my past
I hope that you won't find me annoying
And I hope that my sarcasm and humor is
understood and taken with a grain of salt
I pray that you don't treat me like a little girl
And that you understand that just because I don't look broken doesn't mean your words don't hurt
The things that people before you have said have damaged me
I don't believe I can be loved but assume that everyone loves me
Because I don't see a reason to be hated
And if you do please go now before our bond becomes a friendship
I don't think I deserve my time wasted
But people before you have shown that I do
The way I was treated feels unfair and unjust
I'm left in despair
and I don't deserve
The love
The happiness
The joy
And the support
Because sadly I'm nothing
Future friends that's exactly what they made me feel
I'm sorry I'm so damaged
I'm sorry that every future text that I send feels like I'm clinging onto moments before you leave
I'm sorry if I make you feel bad
I don't want you to go like the last
I don't
And friends before
I'm sorry you didn't think I was good for you
I'm sorry that I relied on you a little too much
I'm sorry that I didn't listen when you spoke up
And I'm sorry that I'll never be enough

I can't control who I fall in love with
And falling in love with you was the worst thing I could do
With your glimmering smile
Your sunkissed skin
A hand that could only hold mine
And a heart that was built to be alone
I wish I could have you
I wish you'd be mine
But for once in my life
I'm let down