my hands smell like gasoline
my heart is on fire
the friction of you pulling my heart strings ignited a flame
i can't take this heat
who's to douse my love in a torrential rain

with astounding longevity
my heart was so heavy
drowned with waves of depressing... worldly... insolutions...
a burden of problems unsolved.
give me one, give me two.
life is a theater
these "humans" think it's neater
to glorify a people pleasing persona upon their pedestal stage.
how can my own life in my chest not be heavy with red on the left and white on the right...
satan bleeds his blood.
white gives her life.
which shoulder weighs more...?
a category of "a" and "b," "one" or "two," "x" and "y."
which media story will fit in line.
well fine, let's get real.
the world is ******.
wait **** you need to duck..
here comes a flock of incompetent ridiculing opinions.
they'll hit you in the head,
make you feel close to dead.
have you got it?
have i picked a lock to get you to understand?
that maybe my chest
                         aches
                         at
                         night
cause the longevity of THIS life,
well,
my heart can't take it.

like a tattered and ratty rag,
i've been worn down day by day.
by constant use and abuse,
i get thrown to the side
with the rest of my kind.
the cupboard in the back, in fact,
is where we hide.
kept in the corner
and given cold shoulder
to think back on the days
when we were given praise
instead of these cries
and end all lies.

i don't want to go through with this,
but it seems like we're doing this.
you're forbidden, like it's hidden...
but i want it.
you ask me how do you feel,
i say "is this real?"
i pinch myself to see.
you know i've wanted this forever..
you and i, do or die.
i've got the motherf**ckin bandit by my side.

everything's a lot.
not sure i wanna give it a shot.
the pull is strong... i know it's wrong.
these rhymes...? they're not mine.
ha, just the other me inside...
i tried and i tried,
but it's almost like i died.
cause ya know...
life is ****, give me my mit
to catch this ball
thrown over my head
on a day to day basis...
i try to play the game.
oh wait.. not the mit.
let me grab my mask.
i'm the catcher with the mask on my face to protect the embrace of the feelings ball.
my emotions thrown at 90.
then they come in for the slide
and my tears well... glide.

a treaty with myself
to never lose sight
of me.

words

            twisting

inside.

            thoughts

spinn­ing,

           spiraling.