I've always dreamt of Love. The one Love that makes you flush from the inside. The one real Love that does not hurt you, a Love you trust, you fear and cannot live without.
I've loved one man in my life. I'm a simple girl, I don't ask for much, I''m no drama, I give all my trust when i tell you I love you. And that is all. I'm all in. Simply be simple. Yet, I think I love complicated men. A least, he was. Dark, twisted, selfish, self-centred, passionate, yet he loved me. I never doubted that.
I'm an altruist, full of peace and understanding. I don't hate anybody, I dedicated my life to others. I live to change the world, make it a better place. He lives to make his world at his image. And I love him.
I don't judge. I try to be the best version of myself, the person I wish I'd meet in times of need. I'm a nurse. I studied to help others. I don't believe in the economy or our system. We failed to recognised its errors and bugs. I want fix them, or a least be the start of that change. He wanted me to live for me, but mainly to live for him. I did, for a while. Because I'm trustworthy, and I'd do anything for the ones I love. And he was number one. I think he still is.
I told my bestfriend when she got dumped, that the heart always hurts. And the Love always stays. We learn to live with it. The one Love that hurts you, will help you find the next that won't. Yet, one Love won't take the other's place in your heart. Love marks you.
So I try. To give Love, unconditional Love, to everybody I meet. Because we are missing some. And some may not even be enough.
I also want to be loved. I thought he would be my Love. The one that helps you get up and breath. The Love that gives you wings and helps you fly free. I'm not disappointed that he is not. I'm proud I knew I needed to love myself and put that Love first. I lost myself in him for a while, and while I found myself back again, he lost himself in return. So I left. I broke his heart and mine. I left the man I love, the man I will always love, the love of my life.
I hope he's fine. That he found Love in his life, the one only yourself can give you: self love, self respect, trust. And maybe, in a while, I'll see him trust someone for the first time, and it will be the Love of his life.
In the meantime, I'll try to make a difference, to open the eyes of the unloved. I'll try my best to Love. And I hope, I'll have someone to give me back what I gave to the world.
... So, ... I'm not as altruistic as I thought I was.
Prose poetry