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Amanda May 2019
Do you hear it too?
The whispers?
The room that isn’t quite as silent as it used to be.

Do you see them too?
The shadows?
The black figures thrown against the walls

Coming. Closer.
Do you feel it too?
The pressure in your chest
The stinging eyes of suppressed tears
From emotions that are not yours.

The feeling of someone
Holding your hand
When it’s slumped over the bed
When you are paralyzed in the mornings.

Do you see the light shining.
The single bird
Landing on your rooftop.
Do you smile at their presence?
Do you grasp onto the invisible hand?
Do you embrace the pressure in your chest?
Do you hide from the shadows?
Do you scream at the whispers?
Amanda Mar 2019
Two passed lovers are
Lingering in the stars,

Deciding their puppets’ fate with each other,
Laughing and singing in the stars.

They place two near each other to tease,
Until they need a shove, a simple push to start.

The passed lovers play out their past,
Or their fantasies. Love is written in the stars.

They pull the strings, giving the illusion of freewill,
But it’s a TV show that never ends, after death comes re-start.

Heartbreak and humor are timeless plots,
Curtains up and quiet down, the show will almost start.

Made in their own image in different variations,
They scheme—the partners in the stars.

Rewarding their puppet lovers with
A forever together in the stars

Only now the Latin names for love are
Deciding others’ fate from the safety of the stars.
Amanda Mar 2019
It’s wild how deep our thoughts can go
How the thunderstorms won’t ever seem to go away,
How the dark clouds linger and part so slow.
It’s wild how deep our thoughts can go
How the serotonin can possibly be so low.
Trying and failing to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay
It’s wild how deep our thoughts can go
How the thunderstorms won’t ever seem to go away…
Amanda Jan 2019
she wept near the grave of her father,
knees digging into the fresh dirt.
her tears watered the earth beneath
her limbs.
deep sobs escaped her throat.
her father stood near.
not yet enough energy to form
and apparition for his daughter--
maybe some day.

he could see others pacing beside
their graves--wandering.
with a slight tip of the hat
to another nearby soul
and a sigh towards his kin,
he vanished with a gust of wind.
she turned, rubbing her puffy eyes
wishing it were him.
disappointed, she lays down
on top of the soil, six feet between her
and the freshly departed.
Amanda Nov 2018
She
Counts
Her shots
With sharpie
On her arm, tick tick
The alcohol swirls inside her.
It can **** you, you know that, if you keep taking them.

She
Waits,
Ignores.
Breathes in smoke.
The substances coursing
Through her veins. The two, a yin-yang
Teasing each other, now giving balance to her world.

Feel
Your
Burning
Cheeks flushing
Under the dim lights.
Are you still counting them tonight?
What are you trying to escape from? Him? Or yourself?
Amanda Oct 2018
In a Catholic school, I was nothing
but an untrained brain, a pair of legs
in a short skirt, and calves in knee-high black socks
pulling my skirt down, tugging at the wool
to protect myself. I never thought
myself to be apart of that group,
never gotten ***** or abused, but then,
I thought longer…harder about my position,

and your greedy hand still finds my legs
under the wool, despite my efforts, lingering
there for half a second too long. I still feel it
when I put myself back in that desk.
It wasn’t friendly. It wasn’t innocent.  
You knew what you were doing.
The excuses I made to justify
your behavior. I couldn’t fathom
how you, a man, much older than me,
could touch me without my permission—
How easily you could do that to me.
Invade my space while I sat there,
Frozen,
unsure of what to say or do. And now,
years later, I quietly utter beneath
my breath, “Me too.”
Amanda Sep 2018
You and I were broken
Elements,
Waiting to be paired
With another that would
Cause an irreversible reaction.
I envied the way your atoms were
Always bursting with energy
Inside of you that you often
Took for granted.

If you were oil, brash and bold,
I was water, invisible and quiet.
We tried to mix, but nature wouldn’t
Have it.
Continuously trying and failing to turn myself
Into an element that could be useful
To you,
An element that when combined with yours
Would instantly create heat and light.
A burning reaction
Full of love and lust
Mixed into one test tube.

But we failed the test.
Maybe it’s because guys like you—brash and bold
Don’t belong with girls like me—invisible and quiet.
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