Like tiny cracks in the cement that spill out on the sidewalk  her smile.
Like chinks in these metal plates reminding me of here intentionally placed flaws.
She is a melody of unforgettable lullabies that sing me to sleep.
Or usher me to greatness.
And I'll never forget her small nods to nothingness that are behavioral, habitual, silently eloquent beauty.
Her hand gestures that splatter on paper like ink.
Violently she covers her face when she's shy like the waves covering the ocean floor.
And her mysteries speak louder than the voices in my head.
That's why when she speaks all I can ever think about is her attention.
Swooning
Lashing out like a child who can't get a second glance on his elementary crush as he moves cities.
I just wish I could move into her heart.
Because her simple nods of beauty.
Her simple eyelashes that quiver when surfaced against her cheeks.
I'm not awestruck.
I'm awe stuck.
Its not her beauty on her skin.
But the beauty that lies within.
And she wears these emotions like a cursive tattoo on her skin.
I'm in love with the simple gestures and habits she may think are natural for everyone else.
Because her small beauties.
Are what makes her most beautiful to me.  

Make my heart warm again.

Honestly I wish I was the same.
Despite all our rough battles and loves bitter dismay.
I just may have forgotten who I am.
Just a former shell of the ghost hidden within.
I've become a monster.
Riddled with thick skin.

She was so gorgeous
I couldn't make out the words that left her luscious lips.
And it wasn't because of the ignorant audio that already dulled out my senses.
This girl was every word that describes beautiful.
This girl was every word that describes that feeling you get when you drink a glass of water after a hot summer day.
Refreshing.
Refreshing in the sense that she cleared my head with the words she spoke.
My mindlesness lead with a chuckle and a slight nod signifying that I heard her when in reality I hadn't.
My nod only meant I understand you're perfect in my eyes.
And maybe an understanding nod was every word she wanted to hear.

Here's a cute poem for a cute girl.
Her names Demi and she's my god.
She's beautiful and funny but cold to the touch.
She's an icicle melting and I'm a friend who comes in clutch.
She's beautiful and I'd wish she'd see it sooner.
Cause there's to many loseres begging for her attention.
And it ****** me off how some of them are so possessive.
Reminds me of my bad luck striking black coal.
The only gold,
I've come across comes in the form of my beautiful friends.
And the only diamonds I've struck comes in the form of our trust.
I love you demi you're a great person.
Just do us both a favor and make amends with,
The demons you see every now and then.
Cause your my god and I know you're stronger then them.

This secret
Is a very important one.
A secret that only I can trust you with,
My only one.
Besides the way you smile,
And how I hope youll stay a while.
This is a secret I hope to never regret.
Spoken in differnt languages,
But clearly meaning the same.
Are words said to tame.
For your imagination can only wonder,
The Secret that may ponder
Lies behind my lips.
Just as these same lips once bestowed a kiss,
For a cause now lost in devastation.
Your greatest elevation.
Lies behind my eyes.
The beautifulist disguise,
To keep a secret so bliss.
However for you my only one.
Out comes the secret spoken to no one
You mean the world to me and nothing would be.
Unless you stayed with me ina castle,
Made by our doors.
And I love you
Are the words that speak the most true.
That reveal the secret,
The way I feel about you.
Words un hearble so hear them threw.
I love you now please stay in our home,
A kingdom made from us our castle.

Confidence shrouded my misguided  interpretation of love.
It shattered my amends then threaded them back together to make a new person.
Someone who was capable of handling rigorous scheming love,
And handing it back to where it came from.
A hero without a mask. Because confidence hides no fears that it's never had.
And my cape formed from courage and matted rags.
It wasn't as flashy but confidence is not arrogant or cocky. He holds class.
Enough to look past the ongoing  criminals that hide behind vile merciless masks.
And unbeknownst courage would be confidences fall.
Because from the start all courage was made of.
Was tattered curtain clogs.
And courage was just as false as unbeknownst.
Confidence was just to confident that courage would pull through.
And at times he did.
With a heroic smirk and smile that no one trusted.
Because everyone knew courage was false confidence.
And confidence was truly lost.
All hope diminished against the evil malicious terminally ill poison.
Known to humans as love.
After all the greatest evil is the evil that controls a persons heart.
And no one's truly free until love is lost.
And confidence is found.
And courage is made.
Not from love made hand me downs.
But from the iron we create from our heart.
And that's the strongest part no one ever believes.
You don't need love to be happy.
"You just need me"
Said courage, right before he died.
And confidence collided with the ground being thrown off his steed.
Leaving no trace of sound.
Just dirt and soiled tattered clogs.
"And so I've lost"
Confidence exhaled with a shrivel of a sound.
Mimicked a voice only you could hear if love didn't control you.
That's how I lost them along the way.
Because they were my reason for this journey of love.
Now it's ended and I'm left with no friends.
Just truth.
And love still speaks to me with a silver tongue.
Whispering words of dreams and wisdom.
But I'll never fall for it again.
From now on I know to look for love transcribed from confidence and courage formed from within.

The true story is.
Not even confidence could win.

Against love.

Im right here waiting with you.
She calls and we're both worried sick.
Her mom seems to have lost it
And she couldn't avoid not being hit.
Our blood boils, till our brains no longer think clearly.
Until finally we both become wearily.
You love her like any best friend should,
No it goes beyond that, more like a never ending sisterhood.
I hear it your voice the way you care for her.
And I try talking and just being here,
However she hangs up on me,
And I hope shes not sheding tears.
But who could avoid it?
No crying for someone you love dear.
Even I cried for her friend.
The one who is not saying a word because she doesnt reprimand.
The way her mom is treating her must've torn a hole.
Inside her now 16 years of lyfe that she has treated as a toll.
She's a beautiful person that doesnt deserve this.
And my friend the one that hung up on me,
She knows no matter what we do all we can do is wait.
For the next day to come along so we can be there and give,
A life she deserves surrounded by love.
A life that reminds her we need her to live.

You can't even trust me
Not with a single thing
Or so it seems.
I've been hiding in such clear sight.
Hoping you might
Love me.
Once again.
What am I waiting for?
How much do you want more?
You told me to wait,
And to not instigate.
So I watched from a view so far
Sat on my balcony
Tried so hard not to plea.
For help?
But if its love why would I need help?
I hold so much content.
Over every incident
Yet these feelings dont wasnt to stay.
I love what I lost,
But I lost what I love.

So I sat there crying crippled defeated.
And remembered your smile.
Confident childish and undefeated.
I love you.

When the world sleeps.
And your hair like water drizzles down my rocky callus hands.
I'll feel your love asleep with me.

When the pressure dissapears.
And I can glide my hand across your Everglades cheek.
My serenity will be put to rest.
And my assurances will know no fear.

And when I can lay my head on your lap.
Attracting magnets jealous of our attraction.
I'll shut my eyes with yours.

Because the time the world tells is determined by us.
And I'll never stop loving you until the world stops turning.
So let the moments like these stand still and mean everything.
So long as I lose myself with you.

I walked right past you
If not for the void filled hallway
I would've stopped
And said please stay.
Let's talk
But not another second passed
Its like watching an hour glass,
Knowing what comes at the end,
But not being able to stop it
Time doesn't bend.
Instead I blurted out a quick 'hey'
And both our faces containing dismay.
You quickly flashed the same smile I adored.
And I passed one back wondering what you were waiting for?
I knew the hourglass was running low.
And the smile you shined me had lost it's glow.
Once again time had passed
And there was nothing,
Not even a grain of sand.
Left in our forever ending hourglass.
That seemed to go as fast as an infinite mass.

I can't get you out of my head.
And no that's not a means to an end.
Its the start of a braceful beginning.
Or an irrotational sense of my state of mind which is questionable around this time.


3:52 and I'm still thinking of you.
If love is defined as constantly admiring anothers lyfe and worrying about their well being then why can't I call my feeling for you love?
Is it because you won't let me?
It seems the closer I strive the further I get pushed away.
It's like swimming to shore feeling you're almost there only to notice the waves swept you to a perilous trench,
Coated in black ink.
But no matter how many times I'm swept away by that tidal wave it never discourages me.
Because only I see that beautiful weeping mermaid alone on her glistening island of black ink.
Just let me wash it off.
And together we'll live in your treasure.


And darling we might not be pirates
But we might be peasants.
And I may not bare any sort of sensational fruit.
But I bare presents.
In the form of my love.
The strongest communication I can join your communion of common relation.
And together we'll strive for that feeling of common knowledge and shared intentions.
Common strife and shared dimensions.
Because we may not be peasants for much longer.
We've been plungering and sailing this ship of love long enough.
That I'm sure we're pirates with greedy ambitions.
And tedious repetition of unknown religions.
And one day we'll be rich off of this boat we've made from out love.
And one day we can stop sailing and settle down.
But until that day.
Our love is yet to be found.
So let's stop waiting around,
And set sail.

Am I so disgusting that you can't bare the sight of me?
Does the validation of who I am not check out with the expiration date on my stamp?
Because I don't understand.
What about me makes you say no?
I'm shriveled I'm beaten I'm torn I'm ripped shredded grinded into dust.
I'm disgusting look at my lust!
IT FOLLOWS ME
I'm so blind.
I'm so emotional.
I'm so blind.
What am I that makes you say no?
What am I that even when you recognize the way I look at you,
With such precious precise precision,
It kills you to love me back the same?
I'm a monster and I don't know what's wrong.
But I've had this curse.
For to long.

Sometimes I get into this lyfe style. A lyfe style of remorse for feeling bad for myself. A lyfe style of projecting my loneliness on others and trying to title a book titled "The times I've broken my heart". And that's just the start of the story.

 It seems I was walking home one day and the oncoming traffic of the overhead displayed a sign that read "You've caught feelings today" my love was expressed through the form of tears. Or "white lies" I guess you could say because my tears are invisible to others and they're lies disguised till this day like the dust bunnies you sweep under a rug. And I know I messed up by talking to you so much. Because that was my first mistake. Getting attached is the quickest way to getting heartbreak. But to me its something more.

 You see I'm a mold of clay passed around for the whole elementary class to see. Some people jam their fingers in me and others mold me completely differently until no one can even realize I'm playdough so instead I'm just tossed away.

Or an even better one. We'll start with the cliche "I'm a towel put out to dry" but my owner never returned so instead my skin just bleached in the winter and I withered away into a line cloth that eventually floated a stray... Or maybe I was swallowed up by the lies of others who told me I was something more than an eroded piece of ripped line cloth clay.

Whatever the matter I'm an endangered endangerment to myself. I'm not suicidal but my thoughts tell me otherwise. Have you ever looked in a mirror and seen you're two bad sides holding each others hands? Singing lullaby's about how you're lyfes demands are mediocre and no were near ideal. You're a joke to the joker and even worse you're a joke to the ones around you who only see your smile.

 Because they don't even know who you truly are. Maybe if you put away the childish dreams of falling in love and picked up an adult magazine to hide forever any sort of horseplay that comes along with being alone, and being so weak to love.

And maybe that's just it. I'm to weak for love but, I'm to weak to be loved. So maybe my fake strength can offer me an attribute to this loneliness. Or maybe I'll just make a new title and call it "Moving on and moving away"

Its just I easily succumb to the idea of love. And it seems everyone around me doesn't feel the same. So I guess I'll just remain here as dried up shriveled line cloth clay.

Every day feels like an obstacle.
And I'm lost with every expression you make silently.
We notice each others indifferences but never speak on them.
We strike out of luck with every passing glance and every failed attempt to fall in love.
But I want to fall in love.
And so do you.
I hope.
I think.
I'm not sure.
And so we're hard to love when being revealed to vulnerability.
And I could carve out my heart just for you to carve out yours.
And we'd just be staring at each other unable to accept the responsibility of our hearts sensibility.
And fighting is pointless because neither of us want to be the reason for pain.
And we blur passive words like, "it's for your sake" or "I just don't want you to get hurt." When in reality we both know what we mean.
Because our indifferences are our similarities.
And in reality we just don't want to be hurt.
So we make ourselves hard to love.
Because maybe one day our worth will contribute to our happiness and not just for others.
But for us.
And one day we'll be able to feel that tingle in our skin when we touch.
But for now I'm hard to love.
And your scared of falling in love.

Take me into consideration .
When I leave through that front door.
With the screen cracked and the rolling thunder.
Take me into consideration
When I ask you to love me more.
So when I fall asleep in these moments of you and me.
I can at least not wake up in your nightmares.
Take me into consideration.
When the leaks start to fill in the floorboards .
And my neck aches from the cold sweats.
And my heart drowns from the heat.
Let me know I'm doing something right here.
So I don't leave you behind.
With neglect and piled up confusion.
I just want you to tell me you feel the same.
And that you'll take my feelings into consideration .
Because I'm tired of holding them back for Your sake.

If I did exist then show me a sign,
otherwise I might resign for incomplete parts do not make a whole.
They only fill a bottomless pit which is fed by the toll as others around me come and go.
Filling my soul with an unbearable void.
Designed to cage and trap, the things inside of me that fill the gap.
If I'm made of spare parts doesn't that make me incomplete?

See me the way I see you.
See me so I know at least something is true.
Because I'm tired of the lies.
And I'm tired of her eyes.
They pierce me and make me want to cry.
To drown out my emotion and maybe truly feel nothing.
I want to look in the mirror and see,
An empty motionless body.
Looking at me.
I'm already a ghost.
Just covered in decaying flesh.
I'm melting
My limbs are crawling
My heart,
What heart?
You've let me down again.
Seems like lyfe hates me,
To the bitter end...

I was never meant to stay.
Although it truly hurts to say.
I find myself not being able to make it.
Through this day.
Without thinking.
Why am I even waiting around?
In this room full of contempt,
No sound.
It's been over three months now.
Yet I'm again waiting
Constantly debating.
Are you the poison that lets me drown?
I've cried my heart out,
The love is gone.
Now what's left is the hatred,
That feels so wrong.
But it never fails
Everytime you say the same song.
'I'm sorry, I was someone else,
Please come back I'll be myself.'
But I'm tired.
Quit with the lies.
I see the truth hidden underneath those eyes.
When you show your love,
Your just opening a bottle.
One that I swallow,
To the last drop.
Hoping I can endure.
Your poison once more.
I'm hopeless.
Everything I do without you fails.
Guess I'll continue to sink down this line.
Of drowning because of all your bitter sweet lies.

You're so ******* beautiful. I just wish I could tell you when your talking. But I wouldn't wanna let you know I'm missing a couple of words you're saying in between cause I'm to busy staring at you.

Sometimes during the drowsiness
And after the feeling of remembering the times we stayed up talking.
I call your number hoping for the day.
When one missed call can become one never ending conversation,
And I can finally say.
I've missed you.
But I laugh because I know.
That you'll just say,
I know you do, but your love,
Is a love I threw away.

If I fall in love with you,
Will that be okay?
I think your heart is where I wanna stay.
I'll nuzzle inna cocoon and when I hatch my bad habits will flutter away.
Everything about me is incomplete.
So please be the one to help me rethink.
My lyfes goals and destination.
Your love will be my greatest elevation.
So let me fall in love with you
Because your love is all I want to consume.

So consume me.

I find myself trying to ger your attention
And I find it hilarious how you once said,
'You'll always have my attention, no matter the pretention'
Look how the tables have turned.
It's different to be on the side,
That one promised you'd never have to abide by.
Its even harder to accept.
That the love they left behind,
The one they said would never deminish
Not even through tough times.
Was a promise made, only by a window of opportunity.
Forcing you to stay.
So now I sit here no longer able to feel.
No longer trusted or judged
Because im starstruck,
By a false promise made.

She saw me again today
This day,
Rid the dismay.
Find a tittle so clean.
'Us'?
Must I ask the obvious?
Look up at the sky
Think ****,
Its so high.
But closer
To her I'll stay.
Because this day,
She looked at me.
And said a title so clean.
I want a 'Us' to mean,
Together forever just you,
And me.
Yesterday I woke up.
Washed my face,
The bags ripping away.
At my skin.
Were she now kisses.
And I look up at her,
My bags fading away.
Under my eyes.
She sees where I hide my lies.
They can no longer stay.
Hold me continue to stare.
At my eyes I've been there.
To places where I don't dare.
To step in again,
But ever again this time will change.
This time you have me,
And we
Have 'Us'

Because I'm sweet.
But maybe she's heard sweeter.
And everybody has a sweet tooth.
But lately mines been bitter.
And I didn't want her teeth to fall out like mine did.
I was just exposed to the reality of love biting.
And I never liked sweets to begin with.
I prefer my coffee bitter.
Like the space between our mattress when you stayed over that one night during the winter
Like the gap in our eyes when I stare at you while you stare out the window.
And in the moments I get your glance a sense of caramel melts over me like apples at a circus.
And these occasions are sweeter than red wine on a candy glass carpet.
They're only special in the events of our loneliness
Like two lost souls looking for a purpose.
And maybe we went separate directions because your sweet tooth was held over mine.
And I never liked candy in the morning just at night so my nightmares would be sweet.
And every time you stirred splenda in my coffee I held back excitement in my content.
Only so before I sipped you'd see my smile thinking I loved it.
But really I hate splenda.
But I love any coffee made by you.

You mention him when your around me.
Lovers? No just friends because youre not ready.
For a love that I'd fill you with,
But a fire that'll start when you're gone.
I will be engulfed by a hatred so pure.
Not For the reason that I was only an option
And never a cure.
But so I can hate the love that you told me about
And know it's something that only I ever adored.

I looked at her and she looked at me.
I, smiling so happily.
She laughed cause you could see the expression on my face.
Clear as day white as snow and just her taste.
The show went on and we held hands.
Screamed **** YEAH like it was our initial plan.
To have fun and enjoy this show put on by many.
However I lost her shortly after because I didn't have any,
Words that followed up "My name is Christian."
She gave me a tight hug and exclaimed in frivolous joy "My names Sidney!"

Define speech.
An intimate notion conveyed though words.
A paradox of emotions that freeze time through wisdom.
Judgment drippled over the sidewalks as cars with motionless captivators sit idly waiting for the next green light.
An unintended message said but never felt physically.
Because if words were physical they'd be our means of  reproduction.
And our means of sensual activity.
Although I don't condone to adult misdemeanors halted by 5 years spawned from 15 year old mothers due to the input of 3 utter words of chaos. Three words that could mean life or love.

I love you.
That's the only language I want to speak when I'm with you.
Be it greedy or as still as a ponds serenity when its past 10 and the kids are asleep.
I love you.
And this speach comes naturally
Only when I'm with you.

We live because we're free.
A people who truly believe.
That love is hard to find.
And to find is to look beetween.
A thin line than runs straight through the middle.
A thin line that can barely be seen.
And when you cross that line
Try to define,
Your own logic,
Never taste defeat.
Which is a feat
Because defeat is a substance that doesn't help.
Only locks away,
The pain you taste, a pain that shouldn't be felt.
A pain that lacks the desire to win.
Consuming you from the line thats hidden within.
The lies disguised as the substance,
An evil within.
Which don't help but  numb the pain.
Of Love never truly felt.
Only ever looked like a game.
With the pieces lining up,
Queen next to King.
But who made the first move?
Thats for you to know.
But before you find out,
You should probably without doubt.
Get away from the substance,
That brings you hurt more than facing the pain.
Find that line that lays in beetween.
No gain without pain.
So just face it and accept a wondeful feat.
Beat the substance.
And fine,
that greater line in beetween.

You were the smile I wore to school.
And the grin I wear to sleep.
Now you're the tears that clot my eyes.

Scabs congregated by blood.
Scars prone to love.
And like artery's we contract these air vesseled halls.
Collapsing in on ourselves when lost love.
Maybe that's why I can't breathe lately.

I think I want to be with you.
I want to cherish the moments we have
Not that I already don't.
If I could allow myself one thing,
It'd be to fall into the deepest abyss of you.
I wouldn't be scared.
Even if that's some type of reassurance for my self conscious,
I wouldn't be scared.
This isn't a fairy tail,
But more like a brothers grim.
I'll get tangled in the captivating woods of your soul.
I'll be devoured by the bewitchment of our love.
If there is such a thing.
I'll let myself only be guided by the light of your sorrows.
Not because I hurt you,
But because I want to find what has hurt you and learn from it.
I can promise I'll  always abide by your side.
And reside by your pride.
I'll never be caught dead in some type of disguise.
Because you don't deserve that type of lie.
And you never have.
So let me fall into your depths of hell,
And I shall crawl out with you.
Let me sink to the icy depths of your frigid ocean.
And I will emerge breathe taken,
Not by the lack of oxygen I was unable to inhale,
But by the breathe taking opportunity I was forsaken with to prevail.
To emerge victorious with the beauty,
You call hell.



Its really heaven to me.

Because it feels so much like falling,
Into love.
Being in love is scary,
So much like falling a frightening descent into beautiful
Madness.
Yes... You
I'm falling into and I dont dare to stop
The fall,
Cause I need it for so much.

Day after day she sat in the rain.
Why're you alone?
He asked.
Because I've got no where to stay.
Well I've got a place free of charge.
I wouldnt wanna be a burden,
Besides I'm tired of hurtin.
You tired of the lies?
Like a false truth?
No just tired of closing my eyes,
To see.
A world o hurt surrounding me.
Well its safe in my heart,
Besides I got no home too.
Maybe you could come stay?
And I'll have a home for two.
That's what what they all say,
But they never stay.
I'm not a bird,
Not meant to be inna cage.
Locked behind bars,
Nah, don't want it that way.
Besides I've become so used to the rain.
I've got coats and a heart that'll heal yours?
I know I don't got much,
But I know if you were there I wouldnt need
A sunny smile, or a fake company.
Then I'll take your offer.
But you must promise me.
Never live in my heart until im comfortable in yours.
She said.
Which is a poem of why her hearts now dead.

Things started out so simple.
Loves open heart was a window.
Of unexplored opportunities both humble and nimble.
I'm still young stupid and translucent.
To the eyes of the experienced I'm a nuisance.
A beginner hanging from the ropes.
Caught up in the high hopes.
Of the simple obvious oblivious obliquity, Of lyfes trajectory.
Falling from the sky,
Knowing I'll never reach this high,
Again.
Soon.
Maybe.
Later.
Loves equator.
Has made me sink.
So to the depths cheers.
I drink,
To you.

We separated.
Drifting apart faster than the content held in every breath I took shouting bee sting sized words at your back,

like the pain would cause you to go into anaphylactic shock and you'd realize you were abandoning a boat we didn't even build on purpose.

You said we should drift off too sea and I agreed.
You said we see things differently and I departed those words from your mouth like they weren't the infection pealing away my conscious everyday we drifted.

I cursed at the tidal waves everyday until I realized our arguments were the reason they started.

And each day spawned a new question faster than the hairs that grew on my face.
And each response fastened a quicker end to our adventures.

You said to stop enjoying the water and enjoy me more often.
But you didn't stop to realize I was staring at you the whole time we were just lost in the ocean and our paranoia was getting the better of us.

And every time we kissed the emotion wouldn't stop slipping.
Because in between the cracks of our lips salt water seeped through the very foundation of this building we had left our hearts with.

It was a change of pace and scenery.
They say losing someone hurts.
But the pain comes from the build up.

I wasn't hurting when you steered the boat to land because you were done with the only fish that kept you sane in the sea.
Or because you needed to find more fish on land to appease your desire
Making me the selfish one of this whole thing.

The process that broke me was watching the waves break us apart and thinking we could survive each one.
But the water become too deep.
And knowing our hearts would only grow apart and never stop drifting.
Put an end to my suffering as the tsunami rained down on us and ended our romantic journey.

And since then we never stopped drifting.

And I write these words like I'm talking to you in person.
Like you'll somehow hear me.
Like when it rains you forget your umbrella and embrace my secrets like tiny droplets that brace your skin.
And all I want is for my words to take a physical form.
Because I've never been beautiful but with you I felt like so much more.
And you'll never know that.
I didn't even try that day it snowed.
I didn't need a coat cause you shielded me from the cold.
And that blizzard seemed like a sunshine followed by a rainbow.
I just wanted you to remove these holes in my soul like I removed that empty space between your smile.
Because I could always tell when you were faking it or when you knew we wouldn't last a while.
And I'm writing this poem because I couldn't find another way to say I love you.
Because when I see your face I fall for you.
Again
Again
Again
Again.
And I've never been so sane until I knew you.
You were like the nector from honeydew.
You were like every reason I made an excuse for forgetting my car keys.
So I could make an excuse for our time together to never end.
But I guess that was my fault.
Should've known you can't buy time with a pen.
I can't rewrite the end
I can't even write a love letter to you without making it seem like I'm making amends.
Like creating a sense of writers block will cast a shadow long enough to outcast my ambitions.
And I wish I could offer you more than my love.
I wish I could offer you my being.
Maybe that would be enough.
A collection of memories spawned in my head.
Like shifting gears to a clocktower that was long past dead.
And this grandfather clock was rigged from the start.
It chose to rip out pieces of my heart
When the dial striked 12.
And just like I knew every night I'd go to bed loving you the same.
But never have that in return.
I wrote this because I don't know how to say I'm in love with you without being straight forward.
I wish I could say it in these words.
And then maybe you'd fall forward.
And I'd catch you not looking for a reward but so my heart would leap out of my chest. And maybe you'd feel my love when it left.

I've got to start using my heart.
I've got to stop seeing with my mind,
And believing my wild accusations.
I'm pointing fingers with 4 fingers pointed back at me.
I'm blamimg people who only have love for me.
Who only see the good in me just to prove them wrong the next day.
Before I thought it was the winter that was making me cold but I didn't realize my heart was only freezing because I stopped using it.
And because of that I've frozen the only rose that bloomed even through the harsh weather.
All I do is blame others for the frost bite growing in my soul.
I never let them in to at least start the furnace etched into the hotel rooms they've etched into my heart.
And for that I'm sorry my beautiful rose.
I wish I could be the one to watch you bloom again.

There's a reason for everything I do.
Which is a statment I can conclude,
But first, before I start a new.
I'll ask, why do you let your past follow you?
Just because  it's a reflection?
Your mirrior.
Something you never look forward too,
But something that'll always haunt and taunt.
Looking in the mirrior  suddenley reminds,
Life is extremley unfair, no matter the time.
I've been through the past and im stuck in the present.
You'll never know what comes ahead.
So stop looking back with so much resent.
When there's a future, so unknown but pure.
The past is a memory not a cure.
Just because you've left so much love,
Does not mean you should peel feathers from a dove,
No matter how many feathers you pick,
They won't substitute the rock solid hatred that's decided to stick.
I know you miss the words so soft that clinged.
I love you,
No you dont,
This time you can finally be relieved.
Cause the past is just a wondering ghost.
That choses to re live,
Even the most horrible stories.
Just because they're stories he'd never give.
So long with him now here comes the greates fear.
But the futures the future,
I've got time to wait it's no where near.
Just because I mentioned the past as a ghost.
Doesnt mean you won't love the present the most.
There's a reason for everything you do.
Which is a statment...
Only you can conclused.

Drowning sensations encircled my mind and swallowed every ray of hope I had of seeing you.
My doubts spoke but never loud enough to choke out the messages I read from you at night.
And no matter how many times you said I love you I could never trust a single one till the last time you said it.
And your goodbyes stung the hardest the moments after you left.
Because I could never register them.
I could never forgive myself for blaming everything on the world and you.
And you were my reason for wanting, to begin with.
I had never wanted
Longed
Benignity
Wistfully
Felt entitled to anything in my life as Much as your love.
And every breath I took added seconds away from the day it'd all be taken away from me.
We both counted down the moon cycles like tiny thumb tacks falling off your moms favorite poster until it cascaded into the ground and she stopped hanging it up.
We were put out to dry because our egos were more of a monster than our imagination at bedtime.
And darling your monsters were always heavier than mine, but at least you had the strength to keep them at bay.
Unlike all the times you watched mine escape.
And because of that I'll never forget that chapter of my life where we argued into the night and scowered our never ending library of mistakes we had marked as UNCONSTITUTIONAL TO THIS LOVE BANK OF AGREEMENTS we never signed.
So I left the dotted lines.
And the ink from all the pens in our house dried.
As your lips parted from mine and I sighed, knowing this would be our last goodbyes.
And I finally saw your demons that night.
Just like how you always put up with mine.
And they were beautiful.
Because they all looked like you.
And I'll always treasure that memory of how we came to thrive off eachothers being.
And how late late at night years after our fighting and constant mood killings and mood swings.
I called you.
Knowing there was always a piece residing in you
That was mine.
I love you.
Goodnight

Fill... Fill... Set back... Fill...
Life has become a repeat.
Of past anomalies and tremendous defeat.
Fill. Fill. Set back. Empty?
The things I come cross everyday.
Which are new to me in every way.
Fill me with new content to stay.
In my mind for just one day.
Full...
With no new knowledge to learn.
One can only yearn.
For more 'unknown days' to pass and lay here waisting away on soft grass.

New surroundings surrounded by infinite bodies
Im soaring I'm floating and free
I'm crowded the halls all flooded with disease.
I'm drowning faster than I can sink
My bodies deceased yet my mind set free
New school fills my thoughts so much I ought to organize these thoughts
Yet here I lay surrounded
Forgot drowned by the ones I know not yet but I live I love to find these unknown factors
And put them to rest
In my head.

Possibilities.
Are endless they say.
But is that true with so little time waisting away?
I am not only words but also a man.
A man with so few expressions to feed life's demands.
How can I review such crucial day view?
When I am yet exploring the possibilities set by a few.

Let's fall asleep under the same sky.
And wake up buried in each others treasures.

I wanted to call you and tell you thank for caring and thank you for being here for me and all these other thank you's for being the most open hearted beautiful person I've ever met.
But I didn't want to wake you up because it must be exhausting being perfect. And maybe we don't like the word perfect because its an over exaggeration of the human imagination but you're not someone I would've ever thought of meeting.
So in a way you're an over exaggeration of my own mind.
I want you here for a while. Cause maybe if I could be selfish that's what I'd wish for.

Goodnight, sweat dreams.

You wanted a poem. Well fine I've beaten one with my ****** hands to help you pass the time.
You're so interested in me and its filled with naïvity a young blossom such as yourself should realize love comes with bad health.
I'm more mature and it conflicts with your ambiguous nature.
You disgust me by being so childishly selfishly manalady. You're a degenerate calamity unraveling my sanity and joyful lust to be adventurous at meeting new people, your evil two headed twin hides inside your skin and she's calling out to me!
"She's a lier" one says "she's your future" says the other are there no more clear signs to discover, my unrequited mysterious ambiguous naïve lover.
I'm giving up on you so here's that poem.                                              
You've been dying to have more than you'll ever want me.

SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF LOVING ME? Can someone that beautiful be that blind? What fluent frequency of antiquities ties both hands behind your back as you yell overboard and collide with the concrete at full impact? Does demoralizing yourself help cope with the rope tied around your hope as you stick one leg out and wish a knight in shimmering black armor strings you along. Like you're his new play thing and nothing is wrong. How does my well being take sides with yours? You and your infinitely closed tiny doors that lead to a huge ocean that's filled with blood as your heart is beating. And I've begun to leave your lyfe I salute you good bye. And maybe you'll see me when you actually want to try for something we can hold high and brag to everyone else about being happy. Its sappy I know and this po- em is me connecting your dots or at Least the bread comes I thought you left behind. Because even jack and Jill shared a crime. After all killing a witch is no innocent gesture to pressure and jester about so lightly so why do we re-read a child's book to our young ones about how any form of dying is a fun one.

You're my bedtime story I keep by the stand. You're my bedtime story that built the confidence of the man I am. You're my bedtime story! So why won't you sing me to sleep? Because you're devils have crawled in to deep.

For my words would plunder with joyance if you're gloom wasn't the cloud that fed my imagination of what a good person should be. Your oppressive pessimistic contouring lies feed my brain until the water in my eyes drips onto the floor reminding  me that I am no more. No more than that of a snow sprinkle that tickled your nose. But at least that snow sprinkled made you laugh even For a fraction of a second because I know although we had our fights. I could never tear a whole in your heart. When all I did was fool around from the start.

You wanted a poem. Well fine I've beaten one with my ****** hands to help you pass the time.
You're so interested in me and its filled with naïvity a young blossom such as yourself should realize love comes with bad health.
I'm more mature and it conflicts with your ambiguous nature.
You disgust me by being so childishly selfishly manalady. You're a degenerate calamity unraveling my sanity and joyful lust to be adventurous at meeting new people, your evil two headed twin hides inside your skin and she's calling out to me!
"She's a lier" one says "she's your future" says the other are there no more clear signs to discover, my unrequited mysterious ambiguous naïve lover.
I'm giving up on you so here's that poem.
You've been dying to have more than you'll ever want me.

Life got hard the moment finding love became just as hard as keeping it.
The world was tired of waisting its time making everyone happy so it turned a blind cheek.
I just wish I wasn't oblivious to the soft smiles she gave me when I wasn't looking.
And time had no effect on my anger.
Like every breathe that escaped my denial fed my imagination of never falling in love again.
So we ignore feelings to fuel the flames of our dreams.
And the clouds floating above our heads when we day dream,
Are really just our feelings giving off steam.
So now our world slowly destroys its self by the factories we've made in our hearts to keep away love.
And this ozone layer will never repair itself until we find love again.

Maybe I shouldn't be writing so much?
Its just another way to lose my touch.
In the feeling I want BURIED and gone.
To the memories I want KILLED and WRONGED.
I want to remember a void.
An empty play skape where all I did was toy.
With other people SO THEY'D SEE HOW I SUFFER.
Cause I'm tired of being the ONLY ONE.
Who's light hearted, dead inside,
And DEAD BY THE SUN.
Because darling you're the rays of blistering hope that pierce through the skin in my back.
Because darling you don't love me for me.
But how are you supposed to when I don't even know what love is to me?
And at this point I CAN'T tell.
And I CAN'T SMELL
And I can't SEE
Because darling...
There's something wrong with me.
Maybe the doctors missed it?
Or maybe my parents never brought it up?
But I was born without a soul.
Baptized in HELL and blistered when I reached THIS SO CALLED HEAVEN YOU CALL EARTH.
And maybe just maybe.
I should drift off to sleep.

Who was it?
There was someone always here...
I forgot them again...
I've been so focused on myself.
I've been so self centered and egotistical.
I forgot your name.
I know I love you.
I know I miss you.
But that's all I can remember?
I hate this feeling.
I know you were with me through everything...
But now you're gone again..
I've forgotten you.

Love come back.