I wish we were still friends
Now all we do is dispise
Our love was bulid so high
Now all i see is lies
I miss your touch your care and your sweaty hands
All i have to say now is this didnt go as planned
I was young and stupid and wreckless
And my love you wore as a necklace
And i was for you as you were for me
Our love was ******* helpless
Ill never forget your name and your number is burnt in head
Id love to call you and chat
But now our love is dead
This isnt how id pictured us now
never to speak the name
but if love is made for two
Then both of us are to blame.

Your hair is like the twine that holds me together and your fingers the seems that bind my heart with yours. The blood in your veins is a flavor id love to taste if only to bite hard enough to pierce your soft tender skin. I feel your mind. I feel your piercing stare as you stand against the wall as our energy and tension feels up the room like smoke, it makes it hard to breathe. You make it hard to breathe. When your lips touch mine I feel a sensation of warmth and pleasure that as soft as it is I just want to rip you apart but I just smile. Our love is real, at least from my side. But it feels hopeless. As hard as I try to wake up every day to please you it doesn't seem to be enough because I just want you to be so happy. Our love is hopeless.

Is it bad that every time i hear your name my heart races faster than the speed of light. Does that mean my heart beats for you or am i just scared to face the fact that all the time spent meant nothing to you. Am i trembling because i gave you my all and you gave me so little of yourself. Am i scared that you'll run away with my secrets and never remember them. Will you think of me? No you wont even remember my name because promises can be made and still be broken. My heart can be mended and shattered again as if it was a glass vase on your table that you never really cared for so you dropped it and threw away the pieces. Am i but just a thought in the very back of your mind. So when im gone youll miss what you no longer have. A friend who loved you unconditionally. In that case will i ever be truly gone.

I write poems, but they arent poems. They are writings, usually about the same thing, but how i feel. I write how sad i am and i pity mmyself,  but if i didnt who would. There i go again pitying myself. But honestly i have no one to pity for me. And that may sound self centered but so be it. I wish i had someone to cry to or talk to
But i dont. I have people that say yeah you can tell me anything, but in all actuallity they just want you to tell them so they can throw it back in your face. Im sorry but i dont deserve it. I deserve someone to listen and help me. Sorry if that is too much to ask for.

My heart is full of love
And my eyes see only you
I wish only you could see from my point of view
For the beauty that rests outside your skin is nothing like within
And even on the saddest days you still make me grin
For your soul is like a garden and you blossom everyday
And even in my darkest times you help me find the way
And everything you gaze upon suddenly comes to life
And one day I'll give you a golden band and pronounce you as my wife
Cause I want nothing more than to spend my days growing old with you this is all about how I feel and I hope you feel it too.

I don't like being alone. I never have. It's quiet and silent and I swear the only thing I can hear is my own brain talking to me saying weird things. I can now hear my worrisome heart throbbing and pounding in my chest. My wary hands quiver and it makes it so hard to hold this pen. My eyes swell up with sadness and I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I hate being sad and nervous and and this anxiety. I hate it. I'm tired of this. Not just this feeling but with feeling in general. People think that a lot of sad people just want to feel something. But I'm so sad and I just want to feel nothing.

**** today. **** today. **** today. Today I realized there is no such thing is life. **** life. And there is no such thing as people who actually care. I learned that love is a misconception and it's evil. More evil than befor. I realized that everytime they say **** yourself all they are trying to do is help me. Yes give me a motive. Please. Help me make the hardest decision of my life(death) thank you. Push me some more.